Lena
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I don't to able to convince myself that sexual intercourse between men is cute. And the assertion that the Orthodox Church is tolerant to it, it's a lie. But it does not call to hate, but pity and compassion. I'm trying. A sense of disgust for such things is a normal feeling. Abhorrence to the action, but not to the man himself. But to me it's hard to separate the man from his actions. Love and hate, all mixed up. I will never accept. Rather, love will be extinguished. You will never understand how it hurts. No one will understand. It's so unbearable(( to feel disgust for your loved one . To know what some man makes with him . Disgusting. Disgusting.((((
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No, Mari, your words do not hurt me. With the Faith I'm trying to drown out the pain and rejection. They do not disappear. What for you is happiness for me is a nightmare. I can not believe that it is a reality. I am not able to feel upset from any words in my address. This become so insignificant for me now that I do not see anything. Can spit on me and to cast aside with rude words. I will not feel worse than is.
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I did not notice the communist way of life. We had socialist, by the way. Really you think, I had as a child thinking about men and sexual relations with them?? I played with dolls up to 12 years. In 18 years, I came across the word "homosexuality" and could not understand what these things mean. Everything. The next meet with the theme was in 2008-2009. I am just can not understand how children became homosexuals. I do not understand how children can be in bed with someone. They are children! Maybe Jesus taught to leniency ... to patience? Turning upside down Once I tried to imagine how much I love Mika?. What I did not turn away from him? I apologize in advance. I imagined him so and I thought if I love him so? The feeling of love did not go off from: bald, poor, abandoned by all, drunken, dirty, in a puddle of urine, vomit, a murderer, a disability, kooky, drug addict, a womanizer, lecher. Only there was no homosexuality. I even did not have the mind to think about it. I did not notice such things at all. Yes, Jesus died for us all. To be betrayed again, apparently so ... I'm sorry. It's hard for me English lessons. It's hard express thoughts in a foreign language. Very many lot of reading, writing and translating.
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We have always lived side by side with Muslims. I do not see them as outsiders. I am friendly to any religion. Because, no matter the name , God is one. I am happy to give my blood. I would gladly gave my organs, if they could grow again. And of course, I would not choose who will get it and who does not:wink2: Thank you for your reply! Russian Grandfather Frost is fairytale for me). But if it sounds like Santa Claus ... I should look for one who is holy Claus ...) When something bad happens to me, it is with God easier for me to carry it. God not just saved me and but gave strength me. He saved me from desperate deeds, and in fear. He is my censor. If I do something bad, then I'm very experiencing. Because I feel as if someone said to me: "Don't do this, don't. This is bad. You'll be sorry ." And yes. I am sorry that I "shut my ears". Who supports me now? God. You can not imagine how it looks in the translation.
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I just saw in my childhood, as my grandmother was crossing herself ... I derided her. But she only wept silently. Nobody taught me to believe. It was a different time. The country was atheistic. -------- I can not speak to you as openly as you say. You can, because you are free. Nothing keeps your to denounce of religion. I feel the bleak emptiness of those words. But I almost can not say anything in response. I have to think before you write. Because I am not free to express my thoughts to you. Even if I don't accuse, attack, threaten Gehenna of fire and desire of bad things. ( And I never wished this for Mika ). Even the fact that I feel peacefully and I do not feel any anger, only regret. I am not free, not only because of my religion, but because of your attitude towards it. I'm afraid to offend. But no matter what I said, I'm a homophobe for you. But now for me not hurt to read it. Thank God I'm set to good. I do not even see if someone criticized me or deride. It is during these few days I felt better and spiritually stronger. I was able to cope with strong indignation, with a sorrowful thoughts, with the desire to kill myself. * I hope that I manage. And it happened because I was in the church these days. Not after how he gave the "Celebrate" and said of himself but before I heard these news.
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Shame to say this words about all religions because this do not tally with the desire to live as you want. I do not know what religion forbids blood transfusions. There are many sects. I'm not with them. I am a blood donor. Religion does not forbid me to donate blood. But if it is banned, then I would still be a blood donor. Because this saves more lives. But friends and relatives say, that I ceased to be a donor. It is possible that I have strayed to the rescue. I always wanted someone to save . Doctors, rescuers and firefighters are my heroes.I condemn abortion. It is impossible to live in peace and know that you killed your child. It will forever remain in your memory. This weakness will not atone for any prayers. I felt a discrepancy here. "God will do nothing to stop it" "Thank God you found me." It caught my eye immediately. But I'm pleased your words. ------------ I was struck by the fact that almost no one has any faith in God. This discovery for me. I could not even imagine this. This is similar to our Revolution when churches were burned. You can jump on the icons, or throw them in the trash as unnecessary? or did you realize that impossible do it? Just wondering how far this has gone...
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I do not want to be more free. Not one didn't impose me religion. I myself come. No thought was forced upon me.
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This is the only non-judgmental statement of facts able show what I think. Do not convey , but at least a little bit to explain what I think. Thank you, Silver. You should understand me at least "on the old memory"
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I do not know. This is what happened. I did not choose. He was making me unhappy and happy... Maybe, it is addictive. Maybe it will pass now. Maybe all this happened for the better. At least I have lost the desire to die. I sobered up. I'm afraid myself. I love passionately and I can hate passionately ... because I love . But I can inflict physical pain only to myself, but to anyone. Never. I would now rushed to save him, not sparing my life. But I can not accept his lifestyle. Again, to put blinders on your eyes? .. Too difficult. Because for me it is a sin. I do not know what it is. Let it is not love. God help me. I do not feel the wrath of those two days, although for me it would be a cause for anger. I have no idea how to be an atheist. From this thought in my heart is empty, as if I've lost love, or even worse. Without God I do not see sense in life at all. He always listens to me. Mika had never been over of God for me. Never. He helped me to love him and protect. But you do not understand). This say all non-believers/ Sorry I do not know what will happen tomorrow, I now know nothing. My life turned upside down. Because he will not take me for who I am? Be broken or go away? I'm at a crossroads. I do not know what I'll feel... * For me, this is so, because I have other views. You take Mika such, because you love. I do not accept all it because I love. You do not understand. Sorry, I'm tired of running after you.
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Scream and judge. Because some/me believe that they/you can cope with this, they/me believe that it is a whim. Do you understand?... I think it's a whim, but you think that this freedom of choice. Miscellaneous. Screaming because they/me want to save you. You do not want to be saved, because you consider free to make such a choice. There will never be completely right. I have a very different vision. While I want to save Mika, it means that I love him. If I would not care, then I will say, "let he be the way he is. f* him"
