emily19 Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 "A wife comes in and yells, "Honey! Pack your clothes! I just won the lottery!" Her husband yells back, "But should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The wife replies, "I DON'T CARE! JUST GET OUT!" OMG LMAO best joke ever!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RosinaKiwi Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 i know it was! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fmbm Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Q: What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market? A: Hello ladies! Hahahahahahahahahaha. Genius! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
born4mika Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I love your jokes: Here a two i read recently An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.":roftl: This one is very sick- i love it! There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..." I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ziema Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 There were two elephants who were flying. Then one of the elephants told the other: "You've got a banana in your ear" Then the other one said: "What did you say?" 1: "You've got a banana in your ear!" 2: "What did you say?" 1: "You've got a banana in your ear!" 2: " Sorry, I can't hear you because I've got a banana in my ear" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littletangerine Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Do you know what is "BMW" mean??? um...Is it a brand ?? :naughty: Any other ideas??? haha!"BMW" means >> "Big Mouth Woman"!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littletangerine Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 There were two elephants who were flying. Then one of the elephants told the other: "You've got a banana in your ear" Then the other one said: "What did you say?" 1: "You've got a banana in your ear!" 2: "What did you say?" 1: "You've got a banana in your ear!" 2: " Sorry, I can't hear you because I've got a banana in my ear" haha!!!It's funny!!! I love this joke!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 I love your jokes: Here a two i read recently An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.":roftl: This one is very sick- i love it! There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..." I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..." LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL :lmfao: :lmfao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Owns Me Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 I love your jokes: Here a two i read recently An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.":roftl: This one is very sick- i love it! There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..." I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..." AHAHAH!!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG!! I'm still laughing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Owns Me Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 AAAAAHAHAAHHAH MY GOD PEOPLE. YOU'LL MAKE ME PEE IN MY PANTS. SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1kiwiabroad Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 AAAAAHAHAAHHAH MY GOD PEOPLE. YOU'LL MAKE ME PEE IN MY PANTS. SOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!! too late....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Owns Me Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 too late....... oooooops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1kiwiabroad Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 *blushes* .............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 I'm just going to jump right in (how unlike me- what am I talking about, telling jokes at all is unlike me) without checking to see if someone's said it... There were these two peanuts walking down the road, and one of them was assaulted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1kiwiabroad Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 lol!!!!!! i lov s good peanut joke. rthis isnt a joke, but it comes with a warning about how mad my friedns arfe. here goes my best freind was eating peanut m and m's ( she eats nothing else) AND I TOLD her off for her poor diet. she replied with, hey, it's the only way i'll eat nuts. of course there are OTHER ways to get juts into my body. filthy i know, but it had ti be said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Owns Me Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 *blushes* .............. *LAUGHS* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1kiwiabroad Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 *blushes further and stuffs mouth with m n m's * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Okay...a stupid one now... Two tomatoes were walking down the road. "Look out! A car!*SPLOSH* "Whe...?*SPLOSH* I told you it was stupid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 lol!!!!!! i lov s good peanut joke. rthis isnt a joke, but it comes with a warning about how mad my friedns arfe.here goes my best freind was eating peanut m and m's ( she eats nothing else) AND I TOLD her off for her poor diet. she replied with, hey, it's the only way i'll eat nuts. of course there are OTHER ways to get juts into my body. filthy i know, but it had ti be said! Talking 'bout nuts... What happens when you put a nut in the microwave? The other one gets stuck in the door... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BexxY Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 :roftl: took me a while to get my head around that one....im still half asleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RosinaKiwi Posted June 20, 2007 Author Share Posted June 20, 2007 I love your jokes: Here a two i read recently An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife.":roftl: This one is very sick- i love it! There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was absolutely gorgeous. He began to like her and after a while it became obvious that she was interested in him too. But, he was a loyal man and he wouldn't get involved with Clearly while he was still going out with Lorraine. He decided that there was nothing for him to do but to break up with Lorraine and date the new girl. He planned several times to tell Lorraine but he couldn't bring himself to do it. One day as they were walking along the river bank, Lorraine slipped and fell in to the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing..." I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone..." i heard those ones before! they never get old ither!!! 1kiwiabroad, Mary, peanut jokes halarious!! What do you get if you put a peanut in the washingmachine? one wet tee singing falsetto! I know thats lame! i got it in a book once!!! DONT ASK!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Owns Me Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Okay...a stupid one now... Two tomatoes were walking down the road. "Look out! A car!*SPLOSH* "Whe...?*SPLOSH* I told you it was stupid... LOL in fact I have another similar joke: Two tomatoes were crossing the road. *SPLOSH* Ketchup. AHAH. I am so sorry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 Okay I got another. This is THE best joke ever, I'm sure y'all have heard it. ~~~ A duck walks into a pharmacy. He goes up to the pharmacist. Duck: Yeah, do you got any grapes? Pharmacist: No, I'm sorry, all we have are things like Tylenol and Kleenex. Try the grocery store down the road. The duck walks out. Next day, the duck walks back into the pharmacy. Duck: Yeah, do you got any grapes? Pharmacist: No, I told you yesterday, we don't have grapes, try the grocery store. The duck walks out. Next day, the duck walks back into the pharmacy. Duck: Yeah, do you got any grapes? Pharmacist: No! I told you yesterday AND the day before, we don't have grapes! In fact, if you come in here ONE MORE TIME asking for grapes, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor! The duck walks out. Next day, the duck walks back into the pharmacy. Duck: Yeah, do you got any nails? Pharmacist: No, why? Duck: Got any grapes? i did hear this one idd, but in another context, with some guy going in a pub asking for something Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen100 Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 I love jokes, but writing jokes in English, that's a different story...But I'll give it a go. What is orange and sounds like a parrot? - A carrot! And my personal favourite, what are the three medical elements? - Helium, curium and barium, because if you can't helium, or curium, you barium! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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