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CazGirl

your past - anything you'd change?

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well, is there? would you change anything? do you regret but learned from your mistakes? did you think things were bad at the time, but reflected, and saw that it wasn't as bad as it seemed?

 

as some of you know, I'm doing a childcare course and I'm doing work experience at my old primary school. My best friend Charlie and I have been buddies since we were four and so a lot of forgotten memories came flooding back. Again, as some of you may know, we were bullied a lot but mostly in secondary school....although we did get it in primary school too. However, when I got there, a wave of nostalgia hit me and a lot of good memories ran back to me.

 

Charlie and I were inseperable, like siamese twins. I was the right side, Charlie was the left side. (i say this because there's some sort of myth thing that the devil is on your left?) Charlie was the brains behind the devilish...ism...and I was his conscience lol XD We always got into a spot of trouble and more often than not it was his fault :roftl: but we had a blast...despite the name calling we received and the jabs and *some* physical abuse, the two of us were consumed into our own little world. No-one got us, but we got each other. It was silly little things we did; walking around the playground trying to get bad luck or a cold so we could take the day off school (like sitting on the ground, taking off our cardigans/jumpers, rolling up our sleeves and taking off our socks and shoes in the freezing weather LOL), sneaking into school when we weren't allowed, or one time when we got put in Time-Out and we were facing the wall in the hall, and I took my salt and vinegar hula hoops and opened them with a loud pop, and me and charlie wet ourselves in silent laughter.

 

you know, just silly little things. Yeah, I've got some pretty bad memories of my childhood/teen years but there were some good things that I completely forgot about. If I could erase one memory it would be secondary school, but I'd gladly do primary school all over again.

 

what about you guys? anything good amongst the bad?

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The only thing I would change is losing the people I love so early.

My mum and dad, my eldest niece (at 3 months old), and one of my best friends last year.

Everything else, like the bullying, even though it was horrible, helped make me who I am, but losing people I love, takes part of me away, that I can't get back. And that is just too hard to handle.

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I've had an experience like yours. Since now I warn you about my bad english.:bleh:

 

I've lived 5 years in another country (Chile). I went there (one of the two different times I've been there) when I was ten. Everybody in school used to bully me (thats how you say it??:bleh:) because I was from Argentina. Chilean people don't like too much Argentinean people. Also, I was too short for my age. But while I was there that year, I had two really good friends. One of them was my firend since I was four. And I met the other one that year. I don't regret have been there that year because I've had such great moments with them that all the bulling thing was worth it. I don't remember much, but there is one thing that I clearrly remember. We were at my house, and it just stopped raining. We were kicking the trees and getting wet from the water that was falling down from them. I don't know why but that memory of us doing that is amazing for me.

 

I haven't seen them since 2002. And I really miss them. I don't get along with too many people in Argentina. Maybe I have 2 or 3 good firends but that's it. I've never had friends like them.

 

These days I keep in touch with them. And one of them is coming to my country to study. So I have to wait just one year and a half and everything I miss is going to happen again. I'm too happy right now. You can't imagine.:biggrin2:

 

Again sorry for my bad english. I'm working on that.:wink2:

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I've had an experience like yours. Since now I warn you about my bad english.:bleh:

 

I've lived 5 years in another country (Chile). I went there (one of the two different times I've been there) when I was ten. Everybody in school used to bully me (thats how you say it??:bleh:) because I was from Argentina. Chilean people don't like too much Argentinean people. Also, I was too short for my age. But while I was there that year, I had two really good friends. One of them was my firend since I was four. And I met the other one that year. I don't regret have been there that year because I've had such great moments with them that all the bulling thing was worth it. I don't remember much, but there is one thing that I clearrly remember. We were at my house, and it just stopped raining. We were kicking the trees and getting wet from the water that was falling down from them. I don't know why but that memory of us doing that is amazing for me.

 

I haven't seen them since 2002. And I really miss them. I don't get along with too many people in Argentina. Maybe I have 2 or 3 good firends but that's it. I've never had friends like them.

 

These days I keep in touch with them. And one of them is coming to my country to study. So I have to wait just one year and a half and everything I miss is going to happen again. I'm too happy right now. You can't imagine.:biggrin2:

 

Again sorry for my bad english. I'm working on that.:wink2:

 

Hey Ana,

Dont put yourself down, your english is brilliant!:thumb_yello:

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the only thing I regret is not telling/showing my boyfriend how I felt about him! If I got the chance again I really would tell him! but thats it! its over now! :thumbdown: Because he didnt feel anything from me!

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I wish I had not eaten McDonald's when I was a child (and now) haha

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I definitely wouldn't change how I responded because my response has made me who I am today. I probably would change what happened because I don't believe that it needed to be that damaging for me to turn out this way. I am who I am despite what happened, not because of it.

 

I'm so careful to phrase it that way because many of the people who damaged me justified it to themselves by saying that they were making me a stronger or a better person. That is absolutely wrong. I am a stronger and better person because I choose to be in spite of what they did, not because of it. What they did damaged me, hurt me, broke me, and took away my power. It was wrong and nothing will justify it, especially not my response to it.

 

I guess my response to this question most often turns out to be: I can't change the past, but I will do everything in my power to make sure that other people's pasts don't resemble mine.

 

There's one other thing that helps me keep my past in perspective. On his DVD, Mika talked about not having that tree where he got his first kiss or that church where his granny was buried and how some people get bitter over not having those things, but he values the freedom it gives him to see things from a perspective that most people don't get to.

 

I used to be one of those bitter people. I felt I had missed out on so much of life that other people get to experience. When I heard Mika talk about it, I realized that I can do more than I had ever considered possible. It's only been a few weeks and my life is already very different. Mika gets full credit for inspiring me, but I take all the credit for doing the things I hadn't thought to try before :D

 

Best of luck on your project! It sounds like fun work :punk:

 

you're SUCH a beautiful writer, ever thought of being one?

 

oh and it's not a project lol, twas just a random question...

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I wish I had not eaten McDonald's when I was a child (and now) haha

 

it's the biggest sin of all :mf_rosetinted:

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There are many things I wish I had done...

 

but they are happening any way...although later than exepected, but hey that's ok. Some find out earl..some find out late!:)

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hmmm...interesting thread......the most recent regret i have is.......

 

i didnt wait behind to meet mika after his brighton gig in november!!!! aarggghhh!

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Well, it was a good question :D

I tend to lose a little of my reading comprehension when I don't sleep properly. I'll be back on form in no time :)

 

There is nothing else in life I have wanted to be except a writer. It isn't so much a passion as a compulsion. If I don't have access to actual writing tools, I will use whatever is available. It's impossible for me not to.

 

So, after years of trying to live a "normal" life, with my compulsion as a hobby, and failing spectacularly over and over again. I've decided that I should just do what I am clearly meant to be doing and anyone who says differently can just take their opinions for a long walk off a short pier :blush-anim-cl:

 

You are an excellent writer! Don't ever let anybody tell you how you "should" do things. :punk:

 

LMAO :roftl: :roftl:

 

i think you should pursue it, your mind is beautiful! and thank you for your compliments :)

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Same as everyone else here... was bullied non stop for nine years at school... No I wouldn't change that .... it happened ... and it made me the person I am .... but I wish I'd been abit more forthright about standing up for myself... and had actually not let them completely ruin my education... the most important years for me when I was supposed to do my GCSE's - It got all too much for me and I stopped going... I didn't take a single exam - as hadn't done enough coursework.... that's my biggest regret....

 

I let them beat me....

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Same as everyone else here... was bullied non stop for nine years at school... No I wouldn't change that .... it happened ... and it made me the person I am .... but I wish I'd been abit more forthright about standing up for myself... and had actually not let them completely ruin my education... the most important years for me when I was supposed to do my GCSE's - It got all too much for me and I stopped going... I didn't take a single exam - as hadn't done enough coursework.... that's my biggest regret....

 

I let them beat me....

 

yeouch. i, too, was bullied all the way through school...from primary to senior....it was awful. i never really told my parents because i wanted to keep both lives separate: school and family. i didnt want to bring it home with me...it affected me more than i realised because i lost passion and confidence for dancing and/or performing in general even though i never got stick for that (well only jibes of jealousy but it was VERY minimal...). I stuck up for myself when i could but usually just got laughed in the face. They only tried to get a reaction and they thrived on it, and i also tried to ignore their comments and physical teasing but it wasn't possible.

now, i wasn't a nerd or a geek, but i got on with my work (mostly lol). I pulled through with okay grades (6 A-C's) but at least I passed. The one thing I learned from the bullying as that I could smile and try to mean it. At the time I never really quite knew what a strong character I was. They helped me to become who I am today but I wish I punched a few in the face lol (the one i thing i hate is to not be taken seriously, and when you get laughed in the face so much...)

Now I've been to college for two years and got A-Levels, am currently at a different college studying something else and receiving high marks, with hopes of pursuing an actual career. I'm doing a lot better than those friggin idiots and I've love nothing more than to have a school reunion and show them what I've become and rub it in their filthy noses.

yeah, i hold grudges :roftl:

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I'd change trying to live up to people's expectations.

 

 

 

 

(Advice as to how to stop doing that is welcome. :naughty:)

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well for me if I could I'd go back in time & never be born. My whole life has been a hellish nightmare far too hard & painful for such a delicate fragile soul like myself. To say i've been badly tortured is an absolute humongous understatement to say the least. I would not want to go through any of the things I've been through again not one single little thing!!

 

I'd change EVERYTHING!!! absolutely everything

 

I'm still battling severe Depression anxiety & panic attacks every single day I have trouble sleeping 'til mental hours of the morning & wake up in the afternoon or evening, I've lost faith in myself in anything & everything I once believed in. Just when i thought I was recovering i'm back to square one again!!

 

I'm just sick of the torment & torture (but despite being suicidal since the age of 5 I'm too frightened to kill myself one of my biggest fears is death) which may be a good thing in a way & 2 I'm a sadistic being i'm hoping one day life will turn around & stop sucking!!! (I can only hope)

 

pah I should cocoa though 22 & a half years & nothing's changed yet despite my hardesst efforts

 

as robbie williams sang in one of his songs

 

i don't wanna die but i ain't keen on living either

 

I'm just too stubborn to give up & too frightened of death to kill myself despite the fact I'm sick of suffering i'll just carry on 'til I die naturally

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naming yourself Dark Light is interesting.

 

Every life on this Earth is very precious, including yours. The good thing about life is that we can take it by the horns and steer ourself - that's you have to do to. You have to take control over your own life and make things happen for you. I can understand if that's too difficult if, say, you have a medical condition, and i don't know what's happened in your life and it would be wrong for me to intervene, but it seems to me as though you have a lack of trust in people. Have you ever thought about seeing a counsellor? Everything you tell them is HIGHLY confidential and it seems to me as though you need to get a few things off your chest. I don't know where you're from but if you're from the UK you can get free counselling from the NHS.

 

Remember, we all have choices. We can make bad ones and good ones but the main thing is, is that we LEARN. Keep spirits high, keep pushing on, keep moving on.

 

You can do it :)

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I cant say that theres anything id would necessarily change about my past becasue if i did i would lose some things that are very precious to me now (my son for one thing) although i have done things that have made my life a harder for myself than it could have been.

 

But i think we learn by our 'mistakes' and they are character building, i am also a strong believer in fate things happen for a reason and although we may not understand why at the time. I think if we regret or want to change things its only making it harder to accept.

 

Well thats just my thourghts anyway!

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I've been for counselling twice in the past once for a year & the 2nd time for 6 months it helped a bit but unfortunately when I thought I was getting better life kicked me in the teeth again as per usual.

 

I won't go into too much detail but besides severe torture at school I've been violently sexually abused & assaulted for a year and a half, my mum didn't even care!! she just slapped me across the face & called me a selfish, spiteful attention seeking bas***rd when I tried to slash my wrists (I was 16 at the time) and I'd just lost my grandma as well, had my heart broken, lost my nana & been seriously ill, bedridden for 20 weeks & nearly died from the illness!!!

 

I have lost several members of family (2 of whom I had to watch slowly deteriorate over a long period of time one had cancer my nana mentioned above, which really 'ate away' at her) I've been through domestic violence (my parents can be terribly violent) my mum tried to kill me & my dad 2 years ago!!! she has one hell of a violent temper & will flip out over the most tiniest miniscule nothingness that most people wouldn't even get mildly flustered or angry at!!!

 

I've had nearly EVERY single person in my life abuse & torture me in some way shape or form &/or abandon me, I have been hit by a car (run over) I've been in a huge car crash in which I nearly died.

 

I was drugged as a child (when I was 9 & I went into a sort of 'coma' sort of state they thought I was going to die, in fact I when i reached hospital I was actually nearly dead so I've no idea how I survived)

 

I was dragged into foster care just weeks after my nana died of cancer & put with a horrible family who were incredibly abusive

 

I had my heart broken the same week my mum's mum died, my other nana (a few years back) I fell in love again only to find out just before my last birthday (in october 2007) that he's gay, not that I have a problem with people being gay it's just I loved him & felt he was my soulmate & wanted to marry him so I'm totally gutted & heartbroken!!!

 

I also suffer a lot of physical pain I have a spine condition known as scoliosis (which is a severe curvature of the spine) it also causes the discs in my spine to be damaged & for my ribs to be crushed which believe me causes a lot of pain!!!

 

I also have arthritis in my hips knees, elbows, ankles & fingers, my hands seize up when they're cold, my knees can 'give way' randomly & I'll hit the floor (it once happened in the middle of the road, that wasn't why i got run over though) also my arms can just 'lock' into place & be difficult to 'unlock'

 

I suffer recurring ear infections which can be so bad that I can't hear a thing & I get such sharp pain it feels like someone has driven a knife into my ear!

 

all this at only 22 & a half not bad going eh!!!I feel I've been alive for 22 & a half decades the way my life has been!!!

 

that's just SOME of the absolute hell I have been through (yes I have been through more hell than the above mentioned but I'd be here all day mentioning it) I don't wanna depress you all too much

 

darklight btw comes from Darren Hayes' album the tension & the spark it's the album in which he 'talked' about all his pain & suffering and the struggle to find the light in the darkness that was his life

 

hence I thought It was an appropriate user name for me & have used it for the past 4 years!!

 

you know 'cause of the bullying & abuse & betrayals I've been through I don't easily let new people into my life it's extremelly rare I do & generally it's people who like me have suffered a lot & feel like an outsider. I feel that's kinda why I can relate to Mika a lot 'cause he's been through a lot of bullying hasn't he & I read that he himself doesn't let new people into his life much, I totally understand that!!! and he says he feels like an outsider I am too I'm like a round peg in a square hole I'm just never gonna 'fit in' & I don't want to either!!!

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Bloody hell Sweetheart. I hope you've moved out of your parent's house, have you ever called the Police? Gatagordinha (spelling?) has been through a hell of a lot too just like you have, maybe it's a good idea to talk to her. She's a really strong character and keeps pushing on. She's an inspirational woman like you.

 

The fact that you've nearly died but didn't suggests to me that you have more to live for, otherwise you would have gone. You have the power to turn your life around (i.e. move away, go to Uni/get a career, take up a hobby and meet new people etc) and you deserve nothing more than a happy life hun. I know you can't control who you keep and who you can't in this life, but you can change your friends and although you can't change your family, you have the choice as to whether or not you live with them or see them again. The people who have hurt you like that deserve nothing more than to go to jail and have the key thrown away. I know it's scary (not that I've been there before..) but I know you have the courage to turn your life around. You just need to find it within yourself.

 

x x x

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