Black-Cinderella Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Hellooo ! I'm attending to a university in england, but I'm french... So I need a bit of help to write my statement letter. I already wrote it, but I still need to know if there mistakes or things english people don't usually use... I'm supposed to finish tonight before 10PM (It's 6PM in my country.) If you help for this, I will love you forever Here it is: Dear Sir, dear Madam; As a secondary school student, I am looking for a university in which I could fit in, and which could help me finish off my photography skill. I am presently in a French "lycée", in the literary section. My diploma will be completed in June, I already successfully passed half of the tests. The options i've chosen are all related to English as European class, and the optional 2 hours of English. I actually have twice more English ours than a "normal" pupil. That makes me feel really confident to succeed IELTS test. The initial project for my future was based on a year in United Kingdom in a special school with a special organization for foreigner students, which was supposed to be followed by studies in a French photography school, unfortunately, I've been unable to realize this project. It was really expensive. I talked about it with my English teacher, and she assured me that I was totally capable in following studies in England, something I didn't even dare to think of. England has always been a place I love, since the first time I came. And London is my favorite city of the world. I've travelled a lot, I've seen many incredible things and place, and still, I've never seen such an eclectic and motivating place, a perfect place to study. As long as I can remember, photography has always been a part of my life, it’s now totally natural for me to take pictures, I’ve read a lot of books about it, I’ve learned how to develop my own photos. I even always have a camera on me, we never know what could be found. That’s the job I want to do, anything related to photography would be nice, but being a professional photographer would be perfect. Actually, I have a dream, I being a NME concert reporter, just like Danny North, or Annie Liebovitz at her time. But I really need to learn more technical things, and I need, just like anyone else, a diploma. Since I have my numeric reflex camera I’ve been doing loads of gigs, and I never go there without my camera, Live pictures are the most interesting thing to do, you need a technical knowledge, you need to be patient, and you sometime work in very hard conditions. But in final, the pain was worth it. Besides it, I enjoy taking picture of the places I go on holiday, I do road trip, and the landscapes and there always something new in the little town or big city. I traveled a lot during my entire life, I’ve been in almost every south European countries, it helped me learn Italian, that I keep study at school. I work hard for everything that passionate me. I assume I can be a great student as I’m really motivated. If you are interested to my book, you can see some photos here: LINK Thank you for you consideration. Sincerely, Léa Reviron THANKS FOR YOUR HELP !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guylainem123 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 - english hours - I have a dream of being a NME concert reporter - Annie Liebovitz in her time - my camera. Live pictures (dot instead of a comma) - But in final, the pain was worth it. i would change that to "But in the end, it is worth it" - Besides it, I enjoy taking i would replace it with "I also enjoy taking..." - I assume I can be a great student as I’m really motivated., would replace with "My motivation will make me a great student" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STEP___ Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 English isn't my mother tongue, but I think I noticed a few minor mistakes ... I corrected them in green the things that are underlined, are things that IMO should be rephrased or maybe not compeletely correct And I think you should consider writing shorter sentences, you tend to write really long onces. Dear Sir, dear Madam; As a secondary school student, I am looking for a university in which I could fit in, and which could help me finish off my photography skill. I am presently in a French "lycée", in the literary section. My diploma will be completed in June, I already successfully passed half of the tests. The options i've chosen are all related to English as European class, and the optional 2 hours of English. I actually have twice more English hours than a "normal" pupil. That makes me feel really confident to succeed IELTS test. The initial project for my future was based on a year in the United Kingdom in--> at? a special school with a special organization for foreign students, which was supposed to be followed by studies in a French photography school, unfortunately, I've been unable to realize this project. It was really expensive. I talked about it with my English teacher, and she assured me that I was totally capable in following studies in England, something I didn't even dare to think of. England has always been a place I love, since the first time I 've been there. And London is my favorite city of the world. I've travelled a lot, I've seen many incredible things and places, and still, I've never seen a more eclectic and motivating place than London, a perfect place to study. As long as I can remember, photography has always been a part of my life. it’s now totally natural for me to take pictures, I’ve read a lot of books about it, I’ve learned how to develop my own photos. I even always have a camera on me, we never know what could be found. That’s the job I want to do, anything related to photography would be nice, but being a professional photographer would be perfect. Actually, I have a dream, (I) being a NME concert reporter, just like Danny North, or Annie Liebovitz at her time. But I really need to learn more technical aspects of photography, and I need, just like anyone else, a diploma. Since I have my numeric reflex camera I’ve been doing loads of gigs, and I never go there without my camera. Live pictures are the most interesting thing to do: you need (a) technical knowledge, you need to be patient, and sometimes you need towork in very hard conditions. But in in the end, the pain is worth it. Besides it, I enjoy taking picture of the places where I go on a holiday, I do road trips, and the landscapes and there always something new in the little town or big city. I traveled a lot during my entire life, I’ve been in almost every south European country, it helped me learn Italian, that I keep--> still? study at school. I work hard for everything that passionate me. I assume I can be a great student as I’m really motivated. If you are interested to my book, you can see some photos here: LINK Thank you for you consideration. Sincerely, Léa Reviron ! do keep in mind that english isn't my mother tongue, so it's possible that some of my corrections aren't correct or that I've overlooked mistakes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STEP___ Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 okay what happened with the quote??? edit: fixed it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macboll Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Si j'ai le temps j'y jetterais bien un oeil mais il y a beaucoup de canadiennes ici! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black-Cinderella Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I wanted to thank the 3 of you, you really helped me !!! As promised I will love you forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jojotje Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I reviewed your tekst, and this is what I have made of it. As the others English is not my first language, but I may say, I can speek it very well. Glad to be of help! Dear Sir, dear Madam; As a secondary school student, I am looking for a university in which I could fit in, and which could help me finish off my photographic skills. I am presently at a French "lycée", in the literary section. My exams will be completed in June, I already successfully passed half of the tests. The options I have chosen are all related to English as European class,* and the optional 2 hours of English. I actually have twice as many English lessons than a "normal" pupil. That makes me feel really confident to succeed IELTS test. The initial plans for my future were based on spending a year in the United Kingdom, visiting a special school in London with a special organization for foreign students. After this study I wanted to study at a French photography school. Unfortunately, I've been unable to realize these original plans. It was really too expensive. I talked about it with my English teacher, and she assured me that I was totally capable in following studies in England, something I didn't even dare to think of. England has always been a place I love, ever since the first time I 've visited this country. And London is my favorite city of all the cities in the world. I've travelled a lot, I've seen many incredible things and places, and yet, I've never seen a more eclectic and motivating place than London, a perfect place to study. As long as I can remember, photography has always been a part of my life. It’s now totally natural for me to take pictures. I’ve read many books about the subject and I’ve learned how to develop my own photos. I even always have a camera on me, for you never know what could be found. The profession I want to do, would be anything related to photography, but being a professional photographer would be perfect. Actually, I have a dream, (I) being a NME concert reporter, just like Danny North, or Annie Liebovitz at her time. But I really need to learn more technical aspects of photography, and I need, just like anyone else, a diploma. Since I have my numeric reflex camera I’ve been doing loads of gigs, and I never go to a gig without my camera. Live pictures are the most interesting thing to make: you need technical knowledge, you need to be patient, and sometimes you must work in very hard conditions. But in in the end, the pain is worth it all. Besides, I enjoy taking picture of the places where I go on a holiday, I do road trips, and the landscapes and there always something new in the little town or big city. I traveled a lot during my entire life, I’ve been in almost every southern European country, it helped me learn to speak Italian, that I still study at school. I work hard for everything that is a passion of me. I assume I can be a great student because I’m really motivated. If you are interested to see my work, this is the link where you can find some photo's I made: : LINK Thank you for you consideration. * Don't understand what you are trying to say here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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