MannyCulpena Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) I left myself behind While chasing after dreams I could never find I lived for all your lives A machine for you to unplug at any time I just realized today that I've wasted away I left myself behind While chasing after dreams I could never find I lived for all your lives To forget about the answers I need to find I just realized today that I've wasted away What's wrong with me, I got this need to give back to a world that keeps me And if I do just for myself it's like I'm selfish 'Cause I always had this thing about staying grounded and down Maybe it's too late - the end has a date - and I'm cramming for the final test It hasn't been a total mess, I'm just striving for higher And humility will build me if I confess Some people do what they chose some people look for every bump in the road And some pretend and they play a good role For the people that depend - they all come and go Lately I had lots of problems in my life..Some people...what the hell am I saying? 1 person knew about some of them but it's not all of them Joining MFC was probably the best thing that happened to me in my whole life-I have NEVER been happier. Until. I don't know where is the begining of 'until' but I fuc*ed up lots of things and I regret even more. In last few days I've been depressed and also didin't hve time to think. I tried to act happy-as usual becouse I thought it will pass. But it just won't. Whatever is attacking me it hates me with all my heart. I thought I could just loose myself by being here-before the 'until' everytime I was sad MFC cheered me up and I was smiling like stupid to myself. There was a break in 'until' On Monday 26.10.2009 I had probably the best day since I joined MFC. Something very good happened and I had an amazing day becouse of what happened and I was just sitting and laughing and blowing my ears to Mika. But the next day and today I think are happening to be worst in my MFC 'career' Other thing is that I think there is something wrong with me. I put all of myself into other people. I always did so. I was always the 2nd one. I tried to make one person that thinks the same think thay they are first. I think that this person has one of the most amazing personalities...but they dont believe it. But once again: I was and still am the 2nd one becouse by trying to help this person I, well, 'left myself behind'. Thing is that last night I just realized that this person has most likely NO IDEA what my name is... I met so many wonderful people. I think I can say I found my soulmate- I had loads of laugh with this person-about plitter and other spelling mistakes. I opened myself to them and I don't regret. But I think I just did it too fast I met so many wonderful talented people! I won't say names-but they should know. I hope they will. I need to think about my health too I had many blackouts lately,headaches, stomachaches and I need to rest. I also almost got back to something that I had 3 years ago-and I swear it was the worst 1,5 in my 14year old life! I'm hoping to be back asap. I aleready miss this wonderful place! I think I will be back in a week at most. I don't know. I will probably now just put on my sweet doggy slippers I adore, get a bottle of water near my bed, put on some movie and curl up into a ball under my duvet and think. There will be also hard task for me-lighting up a candles that smells like LEMONS:wink2: I want to say goodbye to many people just privately but I think it makes no sense really. Once again: Goodbye for now and see you all in a week or something like that Edited October 28, 2009 by MannyCulpena Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emika Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Awww. Hope you get better soon. And tell me about depression. I was clinically depressed for 3 years but i'm all sorted now thanks to a therapist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunnyangel Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 i'm really going to miss you i hope you feel better soon, and come back quick. get well soon, and... you know where you can come for a hug. i mean it :huglove::huglove: x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Take care and I hope we see you back soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rain Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Awww I'm so deeply sorry to hear about that We love you here and I'm gonna miss you Come back quick!!! Love from Elise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Angel Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) ohhhhhhhhhh god.... i donno what to say except for i told you and im sorry. I wish i had just keept my mouth shut then im almost sure that it wouldnt be like this... I can read from it that most of it is related to the thingys we have gone through lately. But i hope you will get better and things wont get worse in the area we had the chats about... Take care sweetie (btw. i love that song. Can see you have the same things marked in it that i had when i posted it. Hope the song can help you with faceing a few things to get it out and over...) Edited October 28, 2009 by Dark Angel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DuMika Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Take care! And come back soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Come back soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowGirl Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Half Empty what will i do alone in here with the last glass left on the table a loveless fool without a care nothingness fills up my body i don't know where to go from there i'm left at a crossroad without your hand to guide me i'm left here without a care i can't see your face smiling i know that you'll always be here inside me but i can't survive without you near your head rolls back with laughter i could always make you smile i wanted to hold you but could never get that near tears fall hearts call and now i wonder whether i'll find you again and it'll be happily ever after another day passes by another carless murmur the glass is half empty i fill up the other half no wonder why my friends are passing me over i can't even crack a smile when they joke about being older i stand alone singing to myself no warmth to keep me happy i see the golden sunshine and all i can think about is you what can i do now you've gone i'm may as well be blinded i cannot see without you here without happiness surrounding another day passes by another carless murmur the glass is half empty i fill up the other half no wonder why my friends are passing me over i can't even crack a smile when they joke about being older i'm left at a crossroad without your hand to guide me i'm left here without a care i can't see your face smiling i know that you'll always be here inside me but i can't survive without you near the glass is half empty and i fill it up with tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovley84 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I left myself behindWhile chasing after dreams I could never find I lived for all your lives A machine for you to unplug at any time I just realized today that I've wasted away I left myself behind While chasing after dreams I could never find I lived for all your lives To forget about the answers I need to find I just realized today that I've wasted away What's wrong with me, I got this need to give back to a world that keeps me And if I do just for myself it's like I'm selfish 'Cause I always had this thing about staying grounded and down Maybe it's too late - the end has a date - and I'm cramming for the final test It hasn't been a total mess, I'm just striving for higher And humility will build me if I confess Some people do what they chose some people look for every bump in the road And some pretend and they play a good role For the people that depend - they all come and go Lately I had lots of problems in my life..Some people...what the hell am I saying? 1 person knew about some of them but it's not all of them Joining MFC was probably the best thing that happened to me in my whole life-I have NEVER been happier. Until. I don't know where is the begining of 'until' but I fuc*ed up lots of things and I regret even more. In last few days I've been depressed and also didin't hve time to think. I tried to act happy-as usual becouse I thought it will pass. But it just won't. Whatever is attacking me it hates me with all my heart. I thought I could just loose myself by being here-before the 'until' everytime I was sad MFC cheered me up and I was smiling like stupid to myself. There was a break in 'until' On Monday 26.10.2009 I had probably the best day since I joined MFC. Something very good happened and I had an amazing day becouse of what happened and I was just sitting and laughing and blowing my ears to Mika. But the next day and today I think are happening to be worst in my MFC 'career' Other thing is that I think there is something wrong with me. I put all of myself into other people. I always did so. I was always the 2nd one. I tried to make one person that thinks the same think thay they are first. I think that this person has one of the most amazing personalities...but they dont believe it. But once again: I was and still am the 2nd one becouse by trying to help this person I, well, 'left myself behind'. Thing is that last night I just realized that this person has most likely NO IDEA what my name is... I met so many wonderful people. I think I can say I found my soulmate- I had loads of laugh with this person-about plitter and other spelling mistakes. I opened myself to them and I don't regret. But I think I just did it too fast I met so many wonderful talented people! I won't say names-but they should know. I hope they will. I need to think about my health too I had many blackouts lately,headaches, stomachaches and I need to rest. I also almost got back to something that I had 3 years ago-and I swear it was the worst 1,5 in my 14year old life! I'm hoping to be back asap. I aleready miss this wonderful place! I think I will be back in a week at most. I don't know. I will probably now just put on my sweet doggy slippers I adore, get a bottle of water near my bed, put on some movie and curl up into a ball under my duvet and think. There will be also hard task for me-lighting up a candles that smells like LEMONS:wink2: I want to say goodbye to many people just privately but I think it makes no sense really. Once again: Goodbye for now and see you all in a week or something like that What you wrote touched me very much! I hope everything works out for you and when you come back i would love to know your name and be the one too help you! Please take care of yourself. In a way i know what you are going through i could let you in through PM if you would like i will be here for YOU! Contact me when you are back. Lots of love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laura* Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Take care and come back soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ce_mika Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 oh Hunny!!! i hope this time works to make you feel better!!!!! all this time, you've been sharing with us, worked to show me you're a wonderful person, so, I hope to see you here veeeery soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care!!!!! and i send you a lot of hugs and kisses for you!!!!, and anything you need, just write me, and I'll be there for you!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hjbsrbab@hbibby.orangehom Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Your post touched me so much. You must be feeling awful but you need to take care of yourself. Spoil yourself once in a while and do something you love doing. Be healthy-eat and drink well, plenty of fruit and veg. Get enough sleep. Try to smile at least once a day-it works! PM me when you're back-we're here for you! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Angel Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 (edited) i have a few more things to say one of the things... the 2nd person. You said not long time ago on msn that you didnt do that and thought its sweet that i does it but shouldnt. will try and find it but im confused... another thing... you DID help me. You should know what its like to go through an eatingdisorder. That you sometimes wants help but also dont depends on where you are in the circle and i DO want help and you DID help me even though it was only short but that kinda felt back today after this. So i guess you also know that the "swear" thingy for friday we made isnt there anylonger??? I cant swear with someone who gives up on helping and the helping even effects the person too in a bad way. I have no idea what to do now... im lost and damn sad. I donno where to get help... i donno any other who have had an one and wanna help This thread basiclly made me feel like crap cos i know its all about what we have done the past weeks time and look what it has done now.... effected you too. You know im stubborn sometimes and especially in this area even though i wanna get out of it. I just donno how now cos i dont wanna go to the docs. again. 12 years with it and i have had enough. Its a living hell. But thx for what you did. I hoped for more and hoped you could help me out of it. You did with the thingy i swear about but well cant swear to someone who dont wanna help and dont even wanna talk. Can you? i am lost, confuced, donno what to do and feel like crap and guilty cos of this. I should just had keept my mouth shut this is damn hard to write cos i wanna thank you so much but im at the same time sorry cos it is basiclly my fault you are like this now... i should just have done what you said 120% but you know how hard it is. I wish i could take it all back and we could start over. But sounds like i have lost you according to the sms. what am i suppose to do now? i do know i need help and i f***ing want it. You did even though it was online cos you wanted to and now i have none. Wish someone would help... the best that can help is someone who have been though the hell so they know what its like. We had a plan for fri. and sat. with you would be there cos i maybe needs it. What am i suppose to do now? :tears:Live ive said to you before... i feel like one big failur... and i know you dont like the thingy with i think other ppl are more important than myself... it will be like that for some time i think. Been like that for a long time... other ppl are more important than myself. Ohhh jee. Soz for all this! take care. and i will try and find the 2nd person thingy on msn. Wish we could start all over and be friends again. Will miss ya Edited October 29, 2009 by Dark Angel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplegrape Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 I hate when I'm not here for the really important stuff that happens JUSTYNA!!! I LOOOOVE you! Come back soon sweeite. I dunno what I'm gonna do without you here Feel better luv, and plase know that even if you put yourself second that you're #1 in my book Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inbar_assaf Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 J said whhhhhat?!!!? I clearly havnt been around inough- and I hate myself for it, but i have noticed youve been a bit down lately... I just wanted to say- Im always here for you, and while I clearly know you have better friends then me around- Im here incase you need it, and Im not there for just anyone- I want you to know that and also that I (and Im sure a lot of other people) love you! and I wish for an easy break! even though you will probably only read this once you come back... and im very frustrated I wasnt around inough to know what you have been blue about, so I could maybe help more... you have my email and my twitter (and my MSN is the same as my email by the way) and I really hope to see you here or talk to you again heaps soon love I wis I could say more to help... Im honestly clueless on what to do right now LOVE you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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