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  • 4 months later...
  • Replies 16
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Posted

no problem.

 

ok, heres my current favorite lame joke:

 

there are two pigs in a rubbish bin. one pig says:

"wow, its dark in here."

the other pig says:

"dont worry, i have my toothbrush!"

 

another:

 

why did the girl fall off the swing?

 

because she didnt have any arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

why didnt the girl have any arms?

 

 

 

 

coz she was a fish!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

whats the hardest part about catching a train?

 

 

 

 

 

finding someone to throw it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

where was grandma when the lights went out?

 

 

 

 

 

in the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

whats brown and sticky?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a stick.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ok, thas a few of my best ones.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Here's one from an email I got recently.

 

 

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough; it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted

I mostly hear dirty jokes from the guys at work.:mf_rosetinted:

Posted
I mostly hear dirty jokes from the guys at work.:mf_rosetinted:

 

The guys at my work don't even tell dirty jokes. They just talk about sex all the time. At least with dirty jokes, it'd be funny. It's so awkward when I'm the only girl there.

Posted
The guys at my work don't even tell dirty jokes. They just talk about sex all the time. At least with dirty jokes, it'd be funny. It's so awkward when I'm the only girl there.

 

I sort of blend in with the boys a little bit.

At least the ones older than me.

 

I told the dishwasher this joke. What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.

 

It's mostly jokes like that. Than and arguing about who lost their virginity first.

Posted

It took me a second but that's really funny.

 

Anyway, they just hired a new dishwasher and he's a guy. Now I'm the only girl dishwasher because the two other girls got bumped to bussers because they've been there longer. I had better be next. :sneaky2:

 

I don't mind the general sex talk as much as when they're like, "Oh man, I'm gonna get laid tonight." or "How much do you wanna bet I'm gonna get laid." or when they talk about girls at our school. Blah, Blah, Blah. I'm like, "Uh, I'm still here."

Posted

The guys here are usually too busy playing tomato ball.

 

(You pick up a cherry tomato, call a random guy's name, when he turns around, you hurdle it at his balls.)

Posted
The guys here are usually too busy playing tomato ball.

 

(You pick up a cherry tomato, call a random guy's name, when he turns around, you hurdle it at his balls.)

 

Well your work sounds more fun than mine.

Posted
Well your work sounds more fun than mine.

 

It sort of is.

 

Except for the rumors going around that I'm a lesbian, but they're all in good fun. Nobody really thinks it.

 

Waitresses keep coming up and grabbing my boo-tay, though.:blink:

Posted
Except for the rumors going around that I'm a lesbian, but they're all in good fun. Nobody really thinks it.

 

Waitresses keep coming up and grabbing my boo-tay, though.:blink:

 

Haha one of the guys the other day goes, "Do you have a boyfriend?" and I said, "No." and he immediately says, "Oh, are you a lesbian?" As if I'm automatically a lesbian because I don't have a boyfriend at the moment.

 

People on my basketball and softball team do that. I hate when people touch me.

Posted

Well the one girl is about 30, and she had two kids. And she showed me a video on her phone of them dancing to 'Touch my Body' by Mariah Carey. So I kept walking up to her and sliding my fingers down her chest going "I want you to caress me like a tropical dream..." (it's a line in the song if ya don't know) as a joke. And she started saying I was a lesbian, etc.

 

So like tonight I said something to her and she laughed and goes "You're such a cute little lesbian." right in front of the kitchen boys. They all stopped smoking, their mouths dropped open, and they stared at me.:blink:

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