CazGirl Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 I felt like I needed to share this. I put this in the poetry thread with no feedback, so hopefully it will be seen here. It's just something I need to get out of my system My Love is Drowning in my sorrow My love is drowning in my sorrow It's true, there's just no happiness without you Everyday without your presence is painful to endure Why is our relationship now so bitter, when it was once so pure? You're the only one I've been with, you loved me for who I am Now that's all gone, and you close up like a clam Everyday you're on my mind, you never leave my thoughts It's driving me crazy but I can't help it, is that a fault? Your cold shoulder hits me like a train This agonising pain is visiting me again It's a dark place here, and where I don't want to be As I sit here, pictures on the wall, filled with happy memories A life where no complications exist, always a rainbow And now my love is drowning in my sorrow I still keep those texts, the ones that make me smile My heart feels so warm, even if it's only for a while But then I'm back in reality, and I know where I am I'm lost and broken, I'm always so sad I can't get to grips with how things have changed First you loved me...now it's restrained Why did that happen when you finally caught your bait? I guess I let you catch me just far too late I'm sorry I made you wait all those years But I was hurting then, clinging onto my fears Now here I am, crying in bed Fraying away, like an already weakened thread I already know what I'll find tomorrow My love will drown deeper in my sorrow It's unfair this feeling has visited again Like it's pretending to be a friend I've done no wrong, I don't deserve this I have love to give, I'm not selfish I long to kiss your lips once more They made me high, now I'm on the floor I lay there in a dark corner, by myself Paranoia closing in, dragging me to Hell Your sweetness swallowed me up, I bought it all Now you've spat me out, I've hit a brick wall Was everything we did a complete and utter lie? I gave you my trust, but now we've said goodbye A friend and lover, gone forevermore? Can my love drown deeper in my sorrow? You say I'm your perfect girl, so why don't you love me? I want that again, I want to feel free Your affections were constant, we were so innocent But it became tainted, you grew cold and distant You said my eyes and smile were brighter than a halo Well here I am now; your fallen Angel I wanted to be your princess, I was not faking But now I've come to realise that there is no happy ending All I've ever wanted only exists in fairytales But if magic exists, I want to break free from your spell Then maybe one day, happiness I won't borrow Some day my love will stop drowning in my sorrow Written by Caroline Stacey Age 19 20th November 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racinghorse83 Posted November 20, 2008 Share Posted November 20, 2008 (edited) thats beautiful Caz... beautiful and heart-wrenchingly sad at the same time... Edited November 20, 2008 by racinghorse83 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 thats beautiful Caz... beautiful and heart-wrenchingly sad at the same time... Thanks...it took about half an hour to write. I actually really hate poems, I couldn't stand studying them at school, but twice I've been in this situation and twice I've written a poem about it...and strangely, it came rather easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST TO COMMENT *terminates you two* That's beautiful, Caz. Did something happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST TO COMMENT *terminates you two* That's beautiful, Caz. Did something happen? Yeah. It basically says it all in the poem but if you want to know the full details, head over to my myspace and read the top blog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Yeah. It basically says it all in the poem but if you want to know the full details, head over to my myspace and read the top blog. Yeah, i ment sortof in reality, You know how in songs people sing about other people? Like hannah montana's song I might even be a rockstar () I'm really curious...I think I might. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, I'm here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Yeah, i ment sortof in reality, You know how in songs people sing about other people? Like hannah montana's song I might even be a rockstar () I'm really curious...I think I might. If you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, I'm here I've done my crying. I can't cry anymore...I don't want to cry anymore...although I nearly did writing this. I just feel sort of numb right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 I've done my crying. I can't cry anymore...I don't want to cry anymore...although I nearly did writing this. I just feel sort of numb right now. Okay will, if you don't mind me saying, this guy obviously doesn't deserve a blog written about him or a poem, so you're giving him a bone. Don't give up on love alltogether because of a bad experience Caz, if this guy screwed you over, his conscious should beat him up enough if your friends already haven't. You're still young and beautiful, don't dwell on the arse holes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Okay will, if you don't mind me saying, this guy obviously doesn't deserve a blog written about him or a poem, so you're giving him a bone. Don't give up on love alltogether because of a bad experience Caz, if this guy screwed you over, his conscious should beat him up enough if your friends already haven't. You're still young and beautiful, don't dwell on the arse holes! He isn't an arsehole though. He feels terrible guilty for what he's done and he really is sorry...when we first got together, and even way before then, he was always showering me with affection, and even sent me 12 pink roses on Valentine's Day (I even wrote a thread about it here...). He was always super sweet and was always looking for my attention, wanting to be mine. He says he got over me because the unrequited love was just too painful to endure...and thats when I decided to take a chance because I knew I was losing someone who could be good to me. He says the feelings came flooding back but wasn't sure that the feelings were as real as they once were. Except now...we barely talk. Everytime I think we're patching up our damaged friendship I seem to get shunned. Like today I bought him an xmas present, and I texted him saying I was holding it lol, and he said "You bought me present?" to which I responded "Of course! You're still my friend, right? x" and got no response. There just doesn't seem to be anything in him anymore. Before we got together we had this amazing friendship and now I feel like I've lost everything. I took a gamble and it was the wrong one, like it always is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 He isn't an arsehole though. He feels terrible guilty for what he's done and he really is sorry...when we first got together, and even way before then, he was always showering me with affection, and even sent me 12 pink roses on Valentine's Day (I even wrote a thread about it here...). He was always super sweet and was always looking for my attention, wanting to be mine. He says he got over me because the unrequited love was just too painful to endure...and thats when I decided to take a chance because I knew I was losing someone who could be good to me. He says the feelings came flooding back but wasn't sure that the feelings were as real as they once were. Except now...we barely talk. Everytime I think we're patching up our damaged friendship I seem to get shunned. Like today I bought him an xmas present, and I texted him saying I was holding it lol, and he said "You bought me present?" to which I responded "Of course! You're still my friend, right? x" and got no response. There just doesn't seem to be anything in him anymore. Before we got together we had this amazing friendship and now I feel like I've lost everything. I took a gamble and it was the wrong one, like it always is. Aww that's heart breaking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Aww that's heart breaking! tell me about it... (but your avatar always cheers me up because Agyness's hairstyle always reminds me of that scene from "there's something about mary" lmao xD) but yeah. He's replied to my blog, so if you want to read his responses, go ahead... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 tell me about it... (but your avatar always cheers me up because Agyness's hairstyle always reminds me of that scene from "there's something about mary" lmao xD) but yeah. He's replied to my blog, so if you want to read his responses, go ahead... awwww he seems quite nice though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 awwww he seems quite nice though he is. he is really, really, really lovely... he explained that he's physically attracted to me but wants to have me for the right reasons...and when he looks deep into himself he says he just wasn't feeling the relationship. He was the first guy I'd ever been with...and I've known him 2 years so we had a really good bond and I really trusted him too...and then this happens. I understand where he's coming from, honestly I do...but it still hurts. I couldn't just walk away with my head held high unaffected. I had a really bad experience in 2006 and it's taken me 2 years to heal...and just when I thought he could be the final layer of skin over that deep gashing wound, it's torn and ripped open again and the pain has left me in a state of shock. For a year and a half he kept saying that he loved me. He was in love with me. He even said he wanted to marry me. But now he doesn't fancy me at all. What a waste of 2 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 he is. he is really, really, really lovely... he explained that he's physically attracted to me but wants to have me for the right reasons...and when he looks deep into himself he says he just wasn't feeling the relationship. He was the first guy I'd ever been with...and I've known him 2 years so we had a really good bond and I really trusted him too...and then this happens. I understand where he's coming from, honestly I do...but it still hurts. I couldn't just walk away with my head held high unaffected. I had a really bad experience in 2006 and it's taken me 2 years to heal...and just when I thought he could be the final layer of skin over that deep gashing wound, it's torn and ripped open again and the pain has left me in a state of shock. For a year and a half he kept saying that he loved me. He was in love with me. He even said he wanted to marry me. But now he doesn't fancy me at all. What a waste of 2 years. Oh, that's horrid! Just out of the blue like that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naectegale Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 he is. he is really, really, really lovely... he explained that he's physically attracted to me but wants to have me for the right reasons...and when he looks deep into himself he says he just wasn't feeling the relationship. He was the first guy I'd ever been with...and I've known him 2 years so we had a really good bond and I really trusted him too...and then this happens. I understand where he's coming from, honestly I do...but it still hurts. I couldn't just walk away with my head held high unaffected. I had a really bad experience in 2006 and it's taken me 2 years to heal...and just when I thought he could be the final layer of skin over that deep gashing wound, it's torn and ripped open again and the pain has left me in a state of shock. For a year and a half he kept saying that he loved me. He was in love with me. He even said he wanted to marry me. But now he doesn't fancy me at all. What a waste of 2 years. Oh Caz Don't lose hope - you're still very young and you have a lot going for you. I hope you can feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Oh, that's horrid! Just out of the blue like that? I noticed things were starting to change when we saw a film together mid last month. He didn't even want to kiss me. He told me on msn later that evening that he didnt want to kiss or be physical all the time so I was like okay then...i asked him if he didnt fancy me anymore but he said of course i fancy you... i still spent the next two days crying (he doesnt know that) but i tried to put it to the back of my mind. I saw him a few days later and we spent the whole day being normal, not kissing too much and nothing physical whatsoever....and then towards the end of my stay he pinned me up against the wall, kissing me and stuff, really going for it, so i stopped and said "i thought u didnt want to do this all the time?" to which he responded "i know, but i couldnt resist" and then when i slept over on the 29th October, we did a few things....and he said "i want us to have more than this", so i said "if you want this to stop, then just say so" and he said "no it's okay..." i get the feeling that maybe he doesnt entirely trust himself around me and wants to save me from feeling used...which I understand. Whenever we did anything new I always asked him for permission first, and I double-checked after. I never forced him into anything, so whenever we did something I'd always ask afterwards if he really was okay with it but he was always iffy after, and so all I got was mixed signals all the time... everytime I think about I just end up feeling sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superstar Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 (edited) aww caz...what is with guys? my friend recently had her heart broken. it was the most bitter thing. why do guys think they can kiss an innocent girl that is completely in love with them for three hours, then not four days later tell them that they don't want to be in a relationship? it's just not right. she was so incredibly excited when she thought that he liked her too--i mean, how could you hold a girl so tight for three hours and not like her? but today, he just broke ALL the dreams he'd built up. it just doesn't make any sense. Edited November 21, 2008 by superstar typo X( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wasabi_tea Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Awww =/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 aww caz...what is with guys? my friend recently had her heart broken. it was the most bitter thing. why do guys think they can kiss an innocent girl that is completely in love with them for three hours, then not four days later tell them that they don't want to be in a relationship? it's just not right. she was so incredibly excited when she thought that he liked her too--i mean, how could you hold a girl so tight for three hours and not like her? but today, he just broke ALL the dreams he'd built up. it just doesn't make any sense. exactly. Everything we had built up over the past 2 years has been completely knocked down. And now I feel so brushed aside and shunned and ignored...like he just doesn't want to give me the time of day anymore. It's so sad... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Oh Caroline! This completely heartbreaking to hear! I wanted to comment on your myspace but I can’t, I’m technical dummie. The little I know you, I think about you as an honest and faithful person, and now you got your hart in pieces another time again, I feel so sorry for you! There’s no comfort to give, I think when you give so much into a relationship, and we do, we always do, you are bound to have a long and painful fall when you are deceived. There are no short cuts… But you are still so young, I’m not saying that it gets easier when you are older, but I am sure that one day you will find the right person who you can trust and rely on and build a family together with. My heart goes out to you! Take care! It’s hard for me to express feelings in English but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 21, 2008 Author Share Posted November 21, 2008 Oh Caroline!This completely heartbreaking to hear! I wanted to comment on your myspace but I can’t, I’m technical dummie. The little I know you, I think about you as an honest and faithful person, and now you got your hart in pieces another time again, I feel so sorry for you! There’s no comfort to give, I think when you give so much into a relationship, and we do, we always do, you are bound to have a long and painful fall when you are deceived. There are no short cuts… But you are still so young, I’m not saying that it gets easier when you are older, but I am sure that one day you will find the right person who you can trust and rely on and build a family together with. My heart goes out to you! Take care! It’s hard for me to express feelings in English but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. Of course, I completely understand... Thank you for your support. But right now it feels as though love is something I don't need at the moment, you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Of course, I completely understand...Thank you for your support. But right now it feels as though love is something I don't need at the moment, you know? I know, you're doing the right thing to take a brake! I forgot to say that I really love your poem, it's sad but so vibrant! Writing can be very healing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 22, 2008 Author Share Posted November 22, 2008 I know, you're doing the right thing to take a brake! I forgot to say that I really love your poem, it's sad but so vibrant! Writing can be very healing! I hope so...I don't even like poems lol. I always groaned when I had to study them in English, but when I'm in a state like this, a poem seems to be created. Strange, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 I hope so...I don't even like poems lol. I always groaned when I had to study them in English, but when I'm in a state like this, a poem seems to be created. Strange, isn't it? It is strange when you think about it, but it makes me remember that a lot of artists actually have a lot of pain inside and are making the most beautiful music and art. Okay it sounds a bit like a cliché, but I really think there is some true in it! And isn’t a poem a more soft way to express feelings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted November 22, 2008 Author Share Posted November 22, 2008 It is strange when you think about it, but it makes me remember that a lot of artists actually have a lot of pain inside and are making the most beautiful music and art.Okay it sounds a bit like a cliché, but I really think there is some true in it! And isn’t a poem a more soft way to express feelings? Of course, I completely get that. The vast majority, if not all, the poems I had to study in English were very sad and depressing. Music, Literature and Art can be very therapeutic when someone is so low...it's almost like saviour from insanity and madness. Writing down what you're feeling is probably one of the best things to do, because you're letting some of the weight you're carrying off your shoulders...but it can also be used for self reflection. There will be become a time later on in life where I can look back on it, see what state I was in and how I grew from it. That's why my last line says: "Then maybe one day, happiness I won't borrow Some day my love will stop drowning in my sorrow." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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