i do wonder sometimes why im even here/alive.
I managed to push everyone i knew away. I was always too busy worrying about others and their problems. I rarely took time to analyze my self, my issues and why i do what i do. Why i managed to box myself and forget to place holes and windows on it. I wonder where all this comes from, why it happens. It like being two different people, one wants everyone to go away and the other just wants some company. I figured one thing out though, i am afraid of loving someone to much, im afraid of too much happy joy joy. Its too good to be true sometimes, i cant stand it, so i slowly destroy it until the other person gets hurt and leaves. I am a nice person, but it takes a lot of work for me to let it show all the time. It's something that has defined me, i dont want it to be that way at all. I dont want people to think of me as someone mean or cold, im not like that. I cant help being weird or being destructive sometimes. It's not like i dont try to stop, i try really hard, but i fail sometimes. Music has helped me, my ipod is just as bipolar as i am. I am an interesting, "i have secret talents" that need some digging up when you meet me. But i got lots of love to give, i just need patience and a chance.
