BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 They're not ready yet, but I'm sending EVERYTHING out to NYU on Friday and I'm quite...welll CONFUSED...I just want things to be as perfect as possible...and all of you are soooo smart. Let me know if you would like to be a proof reader for me... I'll submit stuff soon, because there are three questions and three essays... The essays are 500 words each... PLEASE and thankyou! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elanorelle Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 They're not ready yet, but I'm sending EVERYTHING out to NYU on Friday and I'm quite...welll CONFUSED...I just want things to be as perfect as possible...and all of you are soooo smart. Let me know if you would like to be a proof reader for me... I'll submit stuff soon, because there are there questions and three essays... The essays are 500 words each... PLEASE and thankyou! I'd like to sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 NYU ASKS Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this part of yourself. *note must be no more than 7 lines I said:Every woman in my family is extremely prideful, and I am no exception to this trait. My pride is something that has been both a noble characteristic and at times a vice. My mentality is to not let others see the suffering if there is any and to avoid being the subject of ones pity. Seldom do I ever ask for help where it should be asked for, and somehow that has made me a stronger person. The pride that I carry transcends beyond just being stubborn, it reflects the respect that I have for myself. That attitude, in turn, demands respect from others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 I'd like to sure! hey thanks!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackViolet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I said:Every woman in my family is extremely proud, and I am no exception to this trait. My pride is something that has been both a noble characteristic and at times a vice. My mentality is to not let others see the suffering if there is any and to avoid being the subject of one's pity. Seldom do I ever ask for help where it should be asked for, and somehow* that has made me a stronger person. The pride that I carry transcends beyond just being stubborn, it reflects the respect that I have for myself. That attitude, in turn, demands respect from others. *prideful is not the right word *delete somehow, it weakens your statement and makes you seem wishy-washy The bit about "suffering" is a bit cliche and melodramatic--change it to something else, maybe? Good otherwise. :-) --Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 *prideful is not the right word*delete somehow, it weakens your statement and makes you seem wishy-washy The bit about "suffering" is a bit cliche and melodramatic--change it to something else, maybe? Good otherwise. :-) --Jack hmmm let me see what I can do... do you suggest not using pride as a characteristic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackViolet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 No, that's fine! Just use the word "proud" instead of "prideful." --Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommylovesmika Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 hmmm let me see what I can do... do you suggest not using pride as a characteristic? Melanie: How about changing prideful to proud? Joanne P.S. I insanely purchased 2 tix for the HOB show. My daughter will have to miss 2 days of school if weather permits us to go! She's reserved, so there will probably be no blinking hearts on us, but I'll look for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommylovesmika Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Oops! I must have been typing while jackviolet was sending you my thought exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackViolet Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Exactly, mommylovesmika! :-) Here, Bonjour, to show you what I mean: http://casts.webvalence.com/sites/Steves3MinuteCoaching/Broadcast.D20041117.html --Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaza! Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 NYU ASKS Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this part of yourself. *note must be no more than 7 lines I said:Every woman in my family is extremely prideful, and I am no exception to this trait. My pride is something that has been both a noble characteristic and at times a vice. My mentality is to not let others see the suffering if there is any and to avoid being the subject of ones pity. Seldom do I ever ask for help where it should be asked for, and somehow that has made me a stronger person. The pride that I carry transcends beyond just being stubborn, it reflects the respect that I have for myself. That attitude, in turn, demands respect from others. Melanie that's a great reponse really well written and nice use of language The only thing I would draw your attention to is the question, what exactly you are being asked to write about. You gave an excellent description of this particular trait and how it is an active part of your character, but don't forget to answer the "why you like or dislike this part of yourself" part. That has always been stressed to us in school and college to make sure your answer is revelant and that you are answering what is being asked and I didn't really find that part answered in your response, but otherwise it's very good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elanorelle Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I wonder if its necessary to say "if there is any" with regards to suffering. You might want to omit that, it would be more powerful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lollipop_monkey Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 This might just be the cynic in me, but I'm a bit wary of the trait you chose. Aren't post-secondary schools all about asking for help and being your best, etc etc? My college admission handbook had half a page about what to do if your studies were being affected by an eating disorder. It's not as honest, but my instinct would be to write about a "trait" that comes in handy in university - "I come from a long line of people with passionate, headstrong ambition, who have targeted their goals and drove full speed toward them"....or something. Who knows, they might eat up that sort of syrup, or they might see right through it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rilo8913 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 NYU ASKS Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this part of yourself. *note must be no more than 7 lines ... I just pmed you with my suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backflip_76 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 This might just be the cynic in me, but I'm a bit wary of the trait you chose. Aren't post-secondary schools all about asking for help and being your best, etc etc? My college admission handbook had half a page about what to do if your studies were being affected by an eating disorder. It's not as honest, but my instinct would be to write about a "trait" that comes in handy in university - "I come from a long line of people with passionate, headstrong ambition, who have targeted their goals and drove full speed toward them"....or something. Who knows, they might eat up that sort of syrup, or they might see right through it... I see what you're saying, Mana. If it were me, I probably would have written about my ambition, hardwork or dedication to things that are important to me, etc. Not that anything is wrong with writing about your pride, you just need to make sure that you really sell it as something that can be an asset to you. And I don't know if you've ever had any big or life-changing events, but I tended to use those in my college essays. For example, I tore my ACL twice in 8 months in gymnastics (2 surgeries in that time period, too), and I was really able to talk about the strength and determination it took for me to make it back to gymnastics and compete again. Now obviously that is just something that I was able to talk about, but I think colleges really like to see that you have already worked hard at something in your life in order to climb some big hurdles, because that shows them that you will be able to work hard in college too. Just my thoughts, hope they are useful to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaza! Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I see what you're saying, Mana. If it were me, I probably would have written about my ambition, hardwork or dedication to things that are important to me, etc. Not that anything is wrong with writing about your pride, you just need to make sure that you really sell it as something that can be an asset to you. And I don't know if you've ever had any big or life-changing events, but I tended to use those in my college essays. For example, I tore my ACL twice in 8 months in gymnastics (2 surgeries in that time period, too), and I was really able to talk about the strength and determination it took for me to make it back to gymnastics and compete again. Now obviously that is just something that I was able to talk about, but I think colleges really like to see that you have already worked hard at something in your life in order to climb some big hurdles, because that shows them that you will be able to work hard in college too. Just my thoughts, hope they are useful to you It wouldn't be a bad idea to write about an asset to one's personality, but it doesn't necessarily have to be positive remember as the question asks to say why you like or dislike it. yeah i'm a follow-the-precise-question-religiously freak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 Thanks guys! If you don't mind, i'll PM you more stuff when I finish it...so you could read what I've written Rilo made a good point of maybe not posting what I write on here just to be safe...so I'll continue with that strategy:thumb_yello: thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kjoshi Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Good luck with it! I'd offer help but I'm s*** when it comes to proofreading! It really was difficult with that stupid 500 character limit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 I think that others have touched on it above, but I would definitely say possibly reconsider the trait that you chose. It doesn't matter whether the question also includes: "...whether you like it or not..." your goal should be on making yourself sound as good as possible. I'm not saying for you to go crazy and paint yourself to be perfect in every way, but try to pick something that could be taken as positively as possible. You never know who will be reading your essay, and you cannot guarantee that whoever reads it is not negatively biased in some way. I, personally, feel as if your topic is great, but I also consider pride to be a good thing. Some people may not feel the same way, and that person may be someone that reads your essay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 I think that others have touched on it above, but I would definitely say possibly reconsider the trait that you chose. It doesn't matter whether the question also includes: "...whether you like it or not..." your goal should be on making yourself sound as good as possible. I'm not saying for you to go crazy and paint yourself to be perfect in every way, but try to pick something that could be taken as positively as possible. You never know who will be reading your essay, and you cannot guarantee that whoever reads it is not negatively biased in some way. I, personally, feel as if your topic is great, but I also consider pride to be a good thing. Some people may not feel the same way, and that person may be someone that reads your essay. So, something neutral...something everybody likes... I'm trying to think of what other trait... Could a trait be like...the natural love or talent for writing? Because it is important in my family... I'm just not sure if that's what they're looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leonita Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Hello, Melanie I agree w/others, perhaps there is a more appropriate trait/topic than pride? Must consider your audience.... I'm a rabid editor & would love to help proof. More power to you!! Go get 'em! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!! Leona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rilo8913 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 So, something neutral...something everybody likes... I'm trying to think of what other trait...Could a trait be like...the natural love or talent for writing? Because it is important in my family... I'm just not sure if that's what they're looking for. I think as long as you write about something that means something to you, you'll be fine. It's when you start worrying about what exactly the admissions committee is looking for that you get into trouble and the essays may become formulaic and clichéd. I mean, obviously don't write about something completely off the wall (unless you want to... not that there's anything wrong with that ) ... but do it about something you feel the most comfortable with and you can write most effectively about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 SO, TODAY'S PROBABLY WHEN I'LL NEED MY STUFF PROOFREAD... CAN YOU GUYS WHO WANNA DO IT, LET ME KNOW PLEASE:wink2: See the deadline is next Tuesday:blink: Thank goodness it's an online application and essay... I just think I waited and waited because I was scared:thumbdown: and fearful that any little thing would make them not consider me. Everyone knows that NYU is so difficult to get into...But honestly, if I don't get in: IT'S NYU'S LOSS, CUASE I'M GONNA BE SOMEBODY WITH OR WITHOUT THEM. I really want to get in though:wub2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 CRAP. Total CRAP. I didn't even read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BonjourMika1990 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Share Posted January 11, 2008 CRAP. Total CRAP. I didn't even read it. READ WHAT? Sorry I'm sloooow today:blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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