The "I need advice" thread

[mercurygirl]

Yep! It's normally when I have been asked out! When I'm talking about nothing important!! And it's normally when I say yes:blink: Wow!

I gtg to bed! Have a good day! *waves*

 

hahahahaha.... shame!

 

Sleep tight

[chinkalicious1]

thanks so much everyone... im really going to try to build up enough courage to tell her... but it just seems wrong the more i think about it. She tells me that she really doesn't see herself with another woman again, and that sometimes she sees me like a sister... and she just got into another fight with her ex and she just loves her so much and i wish she didnt... or at least i wish her ex saw how amazing she was. my feelings are intensifying... and im scared for myself. I think she's so beautiful, in every way. I love the way she smells, the way her breathing changes when she sleeps, her smiles, and her eyes... it's just especially hard, since i haven't feel this way about anyone in so so long.. years... and no one has brought me to my knees like this except mika... sigh.

 

but on a happier note we went on a "date", so to speak, today. Dinner off campus and a movie with friends.. and it felt somewhat like a double date. As we sat 2 by 2 in rows at the theater....she even asked me herself if it was a double date haha... presumably as a joke. but dinner was fantastic. We both had horrible weeks and it was such a sweet end to the week... looking at her over dinner in the candle light, i had a wow she's beautiful moment, but that's how i feel about her in any light really, in any place... i'm sorry guys... i guess i might just be a little too giddy about the day still...

[Kelzy]

thanks so much everyone... im really going to try to build up enough courage to tell her... but it just seems wrong the more i think about it. She tells me that she really doesn't see herself with another woman again, and that sometimes she sees me like a sister... and she just got into another fight with her ex and she just loves her so much and i wish she didnt... or at least i wish her ex saw how amazing she was. my feelings are intensifying... and im scared for myself. I think she's so beautiful, in every way. I love the way she smells, the way her breathing changes when she sleeps, her smiles, and her eyes... it's just especially hard, since i haven't feel this way about anyone in so so long.. years... and no one has brought me to my knees like this except mika... sigh.

 

but on a happier note we went on a "date", so to speak, today. Dinner off campus and a movie with friends.. and it felt somewhat like a double date. As we sat 2 by 2 in rows at the theater....she even asked me herself if it was a double date haha... presumably as a joke. but dinner was fantastic. We both had horrible weeks and it was such a sweet end to the week... looking at her over dinner in the candle light, i had a wow she's beautiful moment, but that's how i feel about her in any light really, in any place... i'm sorry guys... i guess i might just be a little too giddy about the day still...

 

You know, there's two sides to this.

If you are going to tell her how you feel then it all comes down to what you say to her. It might pay to point out (in between the "I think you are wonderful" comments), that you have strong feelings for her, but you know that the timing isn't so right for her and want to respect that. But you just needed to let her know how you are feeling and that there is no pressure on her to return the feelings.

 

The other side to it is waiting for her to realise her own feelings, because by the sounds of what you say it's possible she has feelings for you but isn't sure where to go with them or even if it's just rebound emotions and doesn't want to hurt you in anyway.. I know it's as hard not to tell her how you feel as it is to tell her. I see where this gets difficult. Only you can judge when the time is right, and that might not be for months yet..

 

Just another suggestion though..

I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words.. I really don't care much for being told "I love you" - I prefer to be shown.. Maybe if you do some little things to show how you feel, so at those times when you feel like saying "I'm falling in love with you", you can instead give her a bunch of hand-picked flowers and know in your mind that you've told her without words and the smile on her face when you do that will be priceless.

[chinkalicious1]

 

Just another suggestion though..

I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words.. I really don't care much for being told "I love you" - I prefer to be shown.. Maybe if you do some little things to show how you feel, so at those times when you feel like saying "I'm falling in love with you", you can instead give her a bunch of hand-picked flowers and know in your mind that you've told her without words and the smile on her face when you do that will be priceless.

 

I guess I used to do things like this a lot more when we were getting to know each other... maybe it was my way of winning her over but now that I have as a friend I don't really know what else to do without scaring myself with how much I care. I told her how much I cared about her recently because I'm dealing with some loss with my family and she's really been here for me. I find myself telling her that I love her and enjoy her company and outwardly expressing my emotion so much more now and it's really not something that I usually do, or am comfortable doing. maybe I am making some progress?

 

well she saw her ex today who took her out for lunch... and i really am just increasingly jealous of her... whenever i realize how she feels about her. and i wish she didn't love her... she treats her so badly even now that they're not together anymore. i just wish i could make he troubles go away... ugh.

[RosinaKiwi]

RIGHT I NEED HELP!!

 

I hate him because hes being selfish...and playing stupid mind games...and yet I miss him and for every day I cant be with him It kills me a little bit more inside! ARGH! see this is why I never let myself get emotionally involved too soon...I always get hurt!

 

when I ignore him it hurts me more...when he leaves me alone I dye a little more on the inside...he is all around me...in this house, the chair he sat in, the tree where we first kissed...the local park bearly 9 meters away where we walked and talked...the hall where we first danced, the spot down the street where he first introduced me as his "girlfriend" as apposed to girl friend, and even when I avoid those places. the music we loved together or my dad will bring him up...or he will post a new video on youtube. and even when I manage to stay away from all these things I hear his voice in my head...

 

and then I remember I remember 4 years of friendship...I remember the fact that Im the oddball out of all of my remaining friends...the only one whos parents are divorced, the only one who hasnt a job, the only one who parents dont work, the only one who likes cars and wrestling and rugby, the only one who doesnt wear warpaint to go out in the mornings, and most of all THE only one who doesnt drink!!!

nobody compensates for what we had...pre going out!

 

why cant people just say what they feel or want or need...without playing dumb games!

[Mika Freaka =)]

RIGHT I NEED HELP!!

 

I hate him because hes being selfish...and playing stupid mind games...and yet I miss him and for every day I cant be with him It kills me a little bit more inside! ARGH! see this is why I never let myself get emotionally involved too soon...I always get hurt!

 

when I ignore him it hurts me more...when he leaves me alone I dye a little more on the inside...he is all around me...in this house, the chair he sat in, the tree where we first kissed...the local park bearly 9 meters away where we walked and talked...the hall where we first danced, the spot down the street where he first introduced me as his "girlfriend" as apposed to girl friend, and even when I avoid those places. the music we loved together or my dad will bring him up...or he will post a new video on youtube. and even when I manage to stay away from all these things I hear his voice in my head...

 

and then I remember I remember 4 years of friendship...I remember the fact that Im the oddball out of all of my remaining friends...the only one whos parents are divorced, the only one who hasnt a job, the only one who parents dont work, the only one who likes cars and wrestling and rugby, the only one who doesnt wear warpaint to go out in the mornings, and most of all THE only one who doesnt drink!!!

nobody compensates for what we had...pre going out!

 

why cant people just say what they feel or want or need...without playing dumb games!

 

i commented on this in Ye relationship corner:wink2:

[findingmywords]

Wow, this thread hasn't been posted in since 2008! 2 whole years ago!

 

Well my fellow Mika fans, I need advice.

 

I'm going to a dance at my school with this guy that I asked, I barely know him, but I thought "why not?", and I'm excited to get to know a new person, but this is completely new for me. I've always been nervous to talk to guys, so you can imagine that I'm completely freakin' nervous for this dance.

 

I just hope its not awkward. I like him as a friend, he's not a crush or anything. But I tend to say dumb things around guys, so I don't want to make a fool of myself.

He sits at my lunch group, but we've barely talked in person. We've just talked on facebook.

When I talk to guys I tend to shy away and just smile shyly, and if I try to say something clever and witty and funny, I say it too quietly and they can't even hear me, so I just say nevermind when they say 'what?'.

 

Does anybody have any advice for talking to guys? Any advice for feeling more confident?

I just feel like I might run out of things to say.

 

Any advice at all for a situation like this?

 

Thank you guys!

[Christine]

Aw...I couldn't possibly offer you any good advice on this topic, but I'm impressed that you were able to ask him out. I hope it all goes smoothly and you have a good time. If it doesn't go perfectly smoothly, try not to sweat it. Boys are just as nervous on first dates.

[findingmywords]

Aw...I couldn't possibly offer you any good advice on this topic, but I'm impressed that you were able to ask him out. I hope it all goes smoothly and you have a good time. If it doesn't go perfectly smoothly, try not to sweat it. Boys are just as nervous on first dates.

Thank You! I hope so too!

That made me feel better. The dance is a ways off, so maybe by then I'll be more calm

[shanzi]

NOBODY?? oh well then ill put my EMO story here right now, So before I discovered mika and the MFC I was really not trusting of anyone at all and had given up on most people, now im good and I like to meet new people,

 

I met this woman there, she herself had been abused by her mother and she garenteed she could get me help (nobody helps me, maternal abuse is not recognised in my country!) we even shook on it, she introduced me to this guy and told me to talk to him, I was totally open minded and was really willing to think he would actually be differnt, well different he was, but not in a good way! he built up my confidence with huge empty promices, said all the right things in the womans company and then within seconds he withdrew and basically told me that It was somehow my fault that I was abused by my mother and that I should accept total responsibility and then "build a bridge and get over it!":thumbdown:

 

why do people feel the need to do that? does it give then a thrill? does it make them happy?

im sorry im a total mood killer today, but I just had to share

 

 

EDIT there would be at a protest I was at!

 

 

nice thread

its not your fault

dont worry you have all us MFCers to listen to you

and we all love you

 

 

i dont have any thing to complane about now but i will have some things when i go back to school or in the next day or two:wink2:

[racinghorse83]

Okay. I need advice.

 

I fell in love with a guy from Europe. He was on a exchange here. I started liking him when I had just turned 13. I am 16 now.

 

We were really close friends. He'd tell me about the girls he liked, problems and things like that. He still does. He calls me his little sister.

 

I haven't seen him in two years, although we talk online quite often. I knew I was being stupid. He was like my big brother. I went out with another guy, who I thought I liked but one day in, I felt horrible. I still loved this other guy so much. I can't get him out of my mind. I had to break up with the guy I started dating because in my mind, I didn't want to be with him.

 

I know I'm not going to see the guy from overseas for another two years. I've tried to move on in every way but I can't. I get asked out by other guys but I dont SEE them. Instead, I only see the guy who calls me his little sister. I have for the last 3 years.

And I don't know what to do about it. I haven't even told my close friends about it.

 

Please help.

[lollipop_monkey]

Okay. I need advice.

 

I fell in love with a guy from Europe. He was on a exchange here. I started liking him when I had just turned 13. I am 16 now.

 

We were really close friends. He'd tell me about the girls he liked, problems and things like that. He still does. He calls me his little sister.

 

I haven't seen him in two years, although we talk online quite often. I knew I was being stupid. He was like my big brother. I went out with another guy, who I thought I liked but one day in, I felt horrible. I still loved this other guy so much. I can't get him out of my mind. I had to break up with the guy I started dating because in my mind, I didn't want to be with him.

 

I know I'm not going to see the guy from overseas for another two years. I've tried to move on in every way but I can't. I get asked out by other guys but I dont SEE them. Instead, I only see the guy who calls me his little sister. I have for the last 3 years.

And I don't know what to do about it. I haven't even told my close friends about it.

 

Please help.

 

How much older than you is he?

 

At 16, trying to have some sort of long distance relationship would be really difficult - it's difficult at any age. And if he's calling you his "little sister", I'd guess that it's quite likely he's happy to keep things with you as friends.

 

Have you thought about what specific qualities Overseas Guy has that really appeal to you? It could be that he has certain traits or attributes that none of the other guys who have asked you out have - they're just not "right" for you. It could be that Overseas Guy just happened to be the first guy that you met who had the right combination of qualities that "click" with you.

 

I'm not sure what to say, other than to try not to overthink it too much. At some point you'll meet someone who you DO see, and you'll realize that Overseas Guy doesn't take up as much space in your heart anymore. And try to have faith that if you are indeed meant to be with him, it will work itself out in the end.

[racinghorse83]

How much older than you is he?

 

At 16, trying to have some sort of long distance relationship would be really difficult - it's difficult at any age. And if he's calling you his "little sister", I'd guess that it's quite likely he's happy to keep things with you as friends.

 

Have you thought about what specific qualities Overseas Guy has that really appeal to you? It could be that he has certain traits or attributes that none of the other guys who have asked you out have - they're just not "right" for you. It could be that Overseas Guy just happened to be the first guy that you met who had the right combination of qualities that "click" with you.

 

I'm not sure what to say, other than to try not to overthink it too much. At some point you'll meet someone who you DO see, and you'll realize that Overseas Guy doesn't take up as much space in your heart anymore. And try to have faith that if you are indeed meant to be with him, it will work itself out in the end.

 

Hes 3 years older than me

 

Thats the thing - I don't want a long distance relationship.. yeesh, that would be weird on the extreme end..

I think I've already overthought it too much over the last 3 years

The weirdest thing is, he never actually tells me the names of the girls he likes. When I ask he just gives me this weird smile and says "does it really matter?" but thats over webcam of course

 

Maybe you're right about how "Overseas Guy" is just the closest I've met to my personal definition of the "perfect guy" (well actually, Mikas the closest, but for a strange reason I'm not hopelessly in love with him )

 

Thanks Mana. You've pointed out my problem from a far more logical perspective than I can see it.. I needed to hear that.

 

(Gawd I hate being 16.. maybe I should just concentrate on school for the next two years )

[iadoremika]

Can you tell me if this is bad or not?

 

I don't want kids when I'm older. I see pregnant women, couples with kids, babies all the time and I really don't want that for myself. I know lots of people say, "when I'm older I want to get married and have kids". Not me.

[bopsterjazz]

Can you tell me if this is bad or not?

 

I don't want kids when I'm older. I see pregnant women, couples with kids, babies all the time and I really don't want that for myself. I know lots of people say, "when I'm older I want to get married and have kids". Not me.

 

Nah, some people want that and some don't, it's just a matter of opinion.