CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I'm not very happy... I think my parents are going to split up. I'm welling up just thinking about it. Last sunday my dad picked me up from work and we ended up talking about their marriage...my dad said that he used to be a very happy man but he isn't anymore, my parents don't share a bank account anymore and haven't done for several years, my mother is emotionless and my dad has tried to talk to her but she just won't open up. My dad used to run his own business which my mum always hated, but he's since then had a change and is no longer self-employed, earns far more money which is what my mum always wanted. as a treat my dad wanted to take her out for a meal but she declined. one time my dad thought she softened up and went to kiss her but she effectively pushed him away. my dad had some trouble with his own business several years ago and even had to BEG my mother to get a job. I asked my dad if my mum had been through...you know..."that stage of life" cos i was wondering if that was causing it and he said "well if it is, it's been going on for the last 10 years" and even said to me that all of my mum's previous best friend's have asked him why he was still with her... That itself was sad...and then I discover... my best friend Charlie and I haven't seen eachother for 10 months (last we saw each other was may 14th 07, Mika's concert and Shepherds Bush) and we really wanna spend some time together but we couldn't get together at Easter because our holidays were different and we live two hours apart and neither of us drive. there's usually a week off in May but our college isn't getting it because we pack up altogether a week before everyone else, which means GOD KNOWS when we'll be able to see each other!! This made me upset and I've been sobbing pretty much all day, because it hurts so much to be away from him you have like, no idea (my god i cant see my screen!!) and so i was explaining this to my mother, and she said for some reason "why cant he come down here?" so i said "errrr because we dont have a spare room?" and out the blue she said "what if me and dad split up, then he'd have somewhere to go" and sarcastically i replied "that would be nice." mum and i were in the carpark at the time so i got out and got a ticket, and then we met up again. mum said "why is that nice?" and i said "i was being sarcastic" and then she replied "i dont get it" and i said "well it's NOT nice is it?" and she said "well it's down to you..." and i said "why is it down to me?" and she said "well it has been before" and i dont have a CLUE why she said that!!! and i said "i may be your daughter but this is your relationship and between the both of you. Obviously I'd like you two to stay together but most importantly I want you both to be happy" and she said "that's what i've always wanted...to be happy..." and i was like "well then..." and she said "i'll have to talk to dad about it then." i know im 18 and i know i have more understanding about it all than some young, innocent 7 year old or whatever, but the news still hits pretty hard. the tears are spilling down my face as i write this but with all the bullying i went through at school i learned to cry silently and just get on with things. people can see me crying, i'll know im crying, but i'll carry on working like im not affected. I've grown thick skin. It's sad...because all I ever wanted was a happy family. I'm glad I "have Mika in my life" because I know he'll help me get through this... Say Goodbye to the world you thought you lived in Take a bow, play the part of a lonely, lonely heart Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending No hope, no love, no glory No happy ending This is the way that we love, like it's forever and live the rest of our life... but not together and because I know that he's the only one who makes me happy right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Mikaboo~ Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 SO SORRY... in some way i no what your talking about.... the rest ill have to imagine.... im hear if you need/want to talk... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 SO SORRY...in some way i no what your talking about.... the rest ill have to imagine.... im hear if you need/want to talk... it's not your fault hun...it's no-one's fault and i know it's not mine...(unless..i've missed something somewhere along the line ) but thankyou xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicfreak Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 just put on some happy mika music and dance it off, we all know you can make it through! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 and......no-one else cares..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 just put on some happy mika music and dance it off, we all know you can make it through! even seeing Mika in your signature made me smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicfreak Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 even seeing Mika in your signature made me smile. mika loves to make you smile!! and so do i! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Mikaboo~ Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 MIKA=love LOVE=life smile and know we care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 mika loves to make you smile!! and so do i! MIKA=loveLOVE=life smile and know we care that's really cute, thankyou. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Is there any way they would go to couples councelling together? My parents split up when I was 20, after I'd moved out of the house and finished school and stuff. They're still friends though, which I think is really important to me. If they hated each other, I couldn't stand it. I realized, growing up, that my parents, although they loved each other, didn't really like being together. They were staying together for me. When I left home, they didn't feel like they needed to stay together any longer. I looked at it from an adult point of view so that it didn't make me sad. They're 2 people, if they want to separate after 23 years together, then that's up to them. They're adults, and capable of making good decisions. They didn't seek councelling because there were no problems with communication. It sounds like there are communication difficulties with your parents if your Mom won't open up. Sometimes having a non-involved 3rd party can help to open up and talk about what's bothering. Maybe it's something simple, maybe it's not, but no one will know unless it's spoken about. Heres me wishing your parents luck, but lovely, if they do split up, it's not because of you, and it doesn't mean they love you any less. Sure things will change, but you're at an age now where things change all the time. Take it in stride, don't be too sad about it. I gained 2 new parents when my parents remarried, and I am very happy with them all They're all so much happier now, no frowning, no stress, no strain..it's really quite nice Good luck, and we'll be here for you always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 I'm sorry you're going through such a challenging time Caz... I can see how it makes it even worse when your best friend is so far away. I'm not sure I can give you any advice about your parents, but it would help them to know that they don't have to stay together on your account. Marriage takes a lot of work. Just encourage them to make sure they have given their best shot at trying to make this relationship work and when all is said and done, if the best thing is for your parents to be apart, then trust that their love for you hasn't changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxmikaaa Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Aww, I'm sorry, hun. Never actually had to go through this, but I know when my parents fight I cringe at the thought of them spliting. Just know that we are here for you if you ever want to talk. And every time I'm down, I listen to Mika or look at his face and he brightens up my day. Without him my life would pretty much suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Oh my, I'm sorry Caz, I don't know what to say to you. Do you have brothers and sisters you can talk with? Have you talked to your mother again? You need to get the situation clarified for your own sake, the worst thing is not knowing. At least if you knew what the score was, you could have some kind of a strategy. We do care though, you know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Is there any way they would go to couples councelling together? My parents split up when I was 20, after I'd moved out of the house and finished school and stuff. They're still friends though, which I think is really important to me. If they hated each other, I couldn't stand it. I realized, growing up, that my parents, although they loved each other, didn't really like being together. They were staying together for me. When I left home, they didn't feel like they needed to stay together any longer. I looked at it from an adult point of view so that it didn't make me sad. They're 2 people, if they want to separate after 23 years together, then that's up to them. They're adults, and capable of making good decisions. They didn't seek councelling because there were no problems with communication. It sounds like there are communication difficulties with your parents if your Mom won't open up. Sometimes having a non-involved 3rd party can help to open up and talk about what's bothering. Maybe it's something simple, maybe it's not, but no one will know unless it's spoken about. Heres me wishing your parents luck, but lovely, if they do split up, it's not because of you, and it doesn't mean they love you any less. Sure things will change, but you're at an age now where things change all the time. Take it in stride, don't be too sad about it. I gained 2 new parents when my parents remarried, and I am very happy with them all They're all so much happier now, no frowning, no stress, no strain..it's really quite nice Good luck, and we'll be here for you always! thankyou Crystal. I think it's been a long time coming and it's kinda lingered in the air for years. I, too, feel it's because I'm 18 now that they can both go their separate ways. However, it still hits me hard because I know other families that have been through this and I wanted our home to be the happy one...the happy simplistic one...well, that's what you get for living in your head constantly. I doubt they'd go counselling...I think this is it. (funny though, how I'll be studying counselling in september...) and i think that's why my dad talked to me in the first place. I am an empathetic person who always listens and never judges, so I think I am a good person to talk to. While I understand that my parents need to talk to someone (why they can't do it to eachother is BEYOND me!!) and while I'd love to help, it's puts a lot of strain and upset on my part too, because I'm a sensitive soul. I'm trying to take it in as much stride as possible but...it's hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Mikaboo~ Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 of course of course! we care about you! i like like you a lot lot! and so does mika so boo on bad feelings! blehk on non mika emotions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkly1 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 oh sh*t Caroline, I don't know what to say, it sounds to me like your mum has grown a thick skin too and has been unable to express to you how things are for her in her relationship with your dad, but she MUST have her reasons for not being responsive to your dad, people usually do. Maybe when you have time and your on your own with her you can ask her to talk to you about how she really feels (if you want to try to understand the breakdown of their relationship). It is one of the hardest things on earth I think to keep a relationship alive. Falling in love is the easy part, a lot of things go wrong when people stop communicating, I don't know why they stop talking but they do. I have had times in my own marriage to question why we are still together on many occasions, and have felt like splitting up on a number of occasions, I still don't take it for granted that it is forever because reality kicks me hard in the face now I am older and realize that NOTHING at all lasts forever, especially relationships, they really do need the most tremendous amount of work, sorry guys but love alone after 20 odd years, isn't enough to pull us through it. If you need to talk, rant, sob...anything you know where I am, you have my email, myspace, IM etc. (couldnt find a proper huggy one). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mandilambi Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Aw, Caz...I can easily understand how upsetting this must be for you. I am not sure what advice to offer you because it seems as though all you can do is tell your parents how you feel. I hope that they will come to a solution without putting any of the decision on you because that wouldn't be fair to you. If you ever need to talk, hon, just drop me a line. I hope things will improve for the best. For you and your parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 thankyou Crystal. I think it's been a long time coming and it's kinda lingered in the air for years. I, too, feel it's because I'm 18 now that they can both go their separate ways. However, it still hits me hard because I know other families that have been through this and I wanted our home to be the happy one...the happy simplistic one...well, that's what you get for living in your head constantly. I doubt they'd go counselling...I think this is it. (funny though, how I'll be studying counselling in september...) and i think that's why my dad talked to me in the first place. I am an empathetic person who always listens and never judges, so I think I am a good person to talk to. While I understand that my parents need to talk to someone (why they can't do it to each other is BEYOND me!!) and while I'd love to help, it's puts a lot of strain and upset on my part too, because I'm a sensitive soul. I'm trying to take it in as much stride as possible but...it's hard. I totally understand where you are coming from. I was always the abnormal family because mine was still together. Pretty much everyone I knew had divorced parents. You could always suggest to your parents about the counselling, you never know what might happen. Let them know how you feel about it, because otherwise they won't know. Ask them if there is anything that you can do to help, even if it's just chatting. I know what you mean about being a sensitive soul. I'm one too, and have a tendency to take other peoples feelings on as my own and forget that it's not mine in the first place. I've learned over the years to kind of think like a springboard, and that I can understand the emotion without actually absorbing it. Let it bounce off. See it, recognize it, analyze it, but don't make it your own. If you want to get into counseling, it will be something you will have to learn because there will be ALOT of emotion coming into your office that will overwhelm you in a short period of time if you don't learn how to let it bounce off. if you want to talk about this in more detail or longer or anything, I'm more than happy to give you my MSN or yahoo or ICQ or AIM id if you have instant messaging, or we could PM or bounce back and forth here. Whatever you want, I'm here for a couple hours if you need to vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Oh my, I'm sorry Caz, I don't know what to say to you.Do you have brothers and sisters you can talk with? Have you talked to your mother again? You need to get the situation clarified for your own sake, the worst thing is not knowing. At least if you knew what the score was, you could have some kind of a strategy. We do care though, you know that. I have 2 sisters (well 4 technically, as my dad was married before he met my mother, so i guess they'd be best to talk to) but i think we all sensed it coming. i can't even talk to my mum right now, i'm too upset. But thanks for your well wishes Bab. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 thanks everyone, seriously. i love you all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 thanks everyone, seriously. i love you all x *hugs* Stay strong girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkunicorn123 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Okay, im going to take a different approach to this, because having been there and done it, i can tell you that as nice as these comments you are getting are - they arent helpful, and what sucks is that there are very few things which will be. Sad thing is we cant change the things which happen around us, we can try, but we soon realise that there are reasons for everything and that the sooner we accept them, the better. The only thing you can change, is you! So, my suggestion is as follows. Grab all of your girlies together, go out shopping, watch emotional girly movies, cry uncontrolabley over the fact that the guy got the girl, eat waaaay too much chocolate and get exceptionally drunk Do whatever makes you happiest. Just go out and have a good time, tomorrow is another day, its Friday and the night is still young. And if that fails, then i guess, im going to have to resort to the same kind of comments and say you know where i am if you want me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 *hugs* Stay strong girl I will x x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted March 28, 2008 Author Share Posted March 28, 2008 Okay, im going to take a different approach to this, because having been there and done it, i can tell you that as nice as these comments you are getting are - they arent helpful, and what sucks is that there are very few things which will be. Sad thing is we cant change the things which happen around us, we can try, but we soon realise that there are reasons for everything and that the sooner we accept them, the better.The only thing you can change, is you! So, my suggestion is as follows. Grab all of your girlies together, go out shopping, watch emotional girly movies, cry uncontrolabley over the fact that the guy got the girl, eat waaaay too much chocolate and get exceptionally drunk Do whatever makes you happiest. Just go out and have a good time, tomorrow is another day, its Friday and the night is still young. And if that fails, then i guess, im going to have to resort to the same kind of comments and say you know where i am if you want me *sings* "have I told you lately...how much I luurrrve .. yooou? have I told you there's no-one...abooove...yooou? YOU FILL MY HEART WITH GLADNESS...take away my sadness....EASE MY TROUBLE, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haley & Megan Meyer Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 We are SO sorry. When our parents split we were probably the same age as you because we just finished high school. We thought they were so happy together and boom, they split and later got divorced. Now my dad has a girlfriend which we think is the cause of all of this and it is very hard sometimes for us to see them together even though he introduced us to her like several months after our parents split. We don't even want to talk about and it's been a few years. We're almost 22 now. It is very hard and I wouldn't put that emotion and all that jazz on our worst enemy. We thought that we were the perfect family. Our dads girlfriend (NOW finance) is nice and we get along okay but she'll never be our mom and we think she knows that. It's just hard and if you ever want to talk, we here for you. Too bad we didn't have Mika then. Love Love The Meyer Twins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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