Bullying/Harassment at Gigs and Online

[pascale_geneva]

15 hours ago, carafon said:

Come on ...... I apologized for blocking the view ( didn't see much myself btw) and explained you the jokes about Geraldine . (we're not the only ones , look at the september competition) 

I'm sorry but  I didn't say anything about you and the cape/ glass of wine  (didn't even remember who had wine and don't care anyway) 

We had a good feeling at the dinner so I'm very upset and sad too !

( sorry for polluting the topic but can't leave it without answer) 

 

I'm sorry but I did not invent what I heard. I am not senile. It is an insult. @Romy04 or you must have said that. Besides you never apologised for stepping in front of me (you must be mixing up with the next day after the concert) while I was just turning my head.

Anyway I want to go ahead and stop talking about all this. It is only making me sick. My husband is furious and wants me to stop all contact with the MFC. I tend to agree with him. I have other interests in my life. The MFC will never be my main interest. I will keep in touch with the friends I made through the MFC but that's all.

Yes, we had a good feeling at the dinner, that why I am very upset.

I still look forward to seeing you at future concerts 

[pascale_geneva]

9 hours ago, Romy04 said:

Good evening Pascale, good evening everyone, as I have already said in private to Pascale, I am sorry for you if you felt pain at the end of the concert.  But for my part at no time did I make fun of you, I said nothing about you, about the cape or about the wine.  And if later I liked the insta post with the cape it's only because I thought the photo was pretty.  What I still want to say is that after reading this insta post, I am in misunderstanding and very very sad. PS excuse the google translate

Hi Romy,

 

This is my reply to Joëlle:

 

"I'm sorry but I did not invent what I heard. I am not senile. It is an insult. @Romy04 or you must have said that. Besides you never apologised for stepping in front of me (you must be mixing up with the next day after the concert) while I was just turning my head.

Anyway I want to go ahead and stop talking about all this. It is only making me sick. My husband is furious and wants me to stop all contact with the MFC. I tend to agree with him. I have other interests in my life. The MFC will never be my main interest. I will keep in touch with the friends I made through the MFC but that's all.

Yes, we had a good feeling at the dinner, that why I am very upset.

I still look forward to seeing you at future concerts 

 

This is valid for you. If the opportunity arises, I will be happy to see you again at future concerts 

[pascale_geneva]

5 hours ago, crazyaboutmika said:

Hi guys

I'm so sorry to read this

Big hugs to you @pascale_geneva

MFCers are usually supportive of each other but we are all humans and misunderstandings happen... and when you feel safe with people and all the sudden you feel bad vibes it is very hard and depressing. I don't think anyone wanted to hurt you dear Pascale but indeed words can hurt even if they are not said on purpose to hurt  We all feel things differently depending on our own experience of life. I can feel your pain Pascale and Florine and as a very highly sensitive person too I am deeply sorry for you

I know some fans left MFC as they were disapointed by a few members in the past too... I still feel very much that we are a family In any group and in any family problems and misunderstandings happen sadly  I lost one of my aunts last February and after that my other aunt and my mother got mad at each other and they don't talk anymore... it's a lot of pressure and draining...nobody is perfect and misunderstandings can really happen

I'm glad you still love Mika and that you plan to go to his gigs no matter what

Sometimes people can say silly things even if they don't mean them like once my mother called me a b*** in front of my friends and I never knew why

With the years I went from being oversensitive to trying to make myself happy and it helps...my husband can get mad but it is his problem not mine... I hate fights so I still miss Mika gigs I would love to go to to avoid problems...but I wouldn't be able to go to all of them anyway so I try to make the best of the ones I go to. I enjoy meeting MFCers too and I have felt nothing but love from everyone I met... probably because I met them long ago online and I can say MFC is a welcoming community

Like everywhere else belonging to this community or being a Mika fan doesn't make people angels either of course...

I really hope the misunderstandings can be cleared and forgiven  but I also know nothing is perfect in life  even if we wish it was...

I love you all guys

As Romy and Carafon joined here to say they didn't mean to hurt you and that they are sorry I really hòpe the misunderstandings can be cleared and forgiven  

I cried too writing this....

Please take care everyone

Life is short, keep enjoying Mika

 

Thank you, Anne, for your kind words. 

I will go on with my life trying to put this behind me. 

I look forward to meeting you at a future concert 

You're right, life is short, let's enjoy Mika, who is certainly my primary interest 

[pascale_geneva]

12 hours ago, mellody said:

 

I'm sorry that you feel like that Pascale, I've always enjoyed talking with you, online and live, and I also know carafon a little, at least enough to know that she isn't a bad person who would deliberately harass other people. She might have a bit of a rough sense of humour, and I know what it's like as a sensitive person having to deal with people who have a very different sense of humour to mine, it has happened to me as well in the past in this fandom (with people who aren't in the fandom anymore now) and it felt very hurtful. Over time, with one of them I actually became friends, after talking with her in person several times, it turned out she was a lot nicer than I first thought. The other one was someone I always preferred to avoid. I don't know what's the right solution for you, try to talk with those people (I suppose at least it helps that you speak the same language) or avoid them, but I hope I'll also see you at future MFC events and that you won't avoid the whole fanclub that is made up of so many different individuals, because you don't get along with some of them. I understand that you're hurt, your feelings are valid, but accusing others of bullying all over social media and expecting other people who didn't witness the situation to condemn them, just because their sense of humour is different from yours and you're sensitive, is not ok, imo. Maybe the people in question will be a bit more careful with their words in the future when you're nearby, and maybe you can team up with your friends whom you go to gigs with, because in a group it's always easier to face things that might hurt you, especially if you're sensitive. MFC has given me so much over all these years, even though there sometimes were people that I didn't get along with, but overall I feel very much at home here. I've been in other fandoms when I was younger (and sometimes still go to gigs of those bands), and I can tell you that the MIka fandom is fluffy rainbowland compared to what's going on there. There might be little groups, as Deb said, but for the most part people still talk with each other and don't exclude others. In fact, in another fandom back in the 90s I was bullied for talking with too many people and not respecting the individual groups who wouldn't talk with each other. I always found this totally silly and I'm glad that in the Mika fandom I don't have to worry whom I talk to, for not risking to annoy others.

Thanks, Karin. Your message is enlightening.

 

I want to put all this behind me. Although I am not at all a fan club person, I started enjoying the MFC and made good friends. But now I will distance myself from the MFC for a while. 

 

Take care and see you at a future concert 

 

 

[Laurya]

I read the whole thread and I want to write my point of view of this situation : Pascale is a smart woman and if she felt hurts, there is a reason. She’s perfectly able to understand and what happened at Verona it’s not normal and will never be ok. When you make fun of someone and you see that this person isn’t laughing it’s not humor. I think it’s SO easy to hide meanness with humor. And then, say « it’s just a misunderstanding ». Personally, I love to joke and laugh about all situations. But only with my friends/family, I would never allow myself to do it with strangers, because I don't know how they may react and I don’t want to hurt. Unfortunately we can’t do anything but please just a reminder to be polite and kind with each other whether during gigs or online. Respect is a basis and it’s not always just a misunderstanding 

[Anna Ko Kolkowska]

So now @Romy04  and @carafon  you know what to do.

Just shut up when you are in the crowd, (even with your friends around), stand still and be polite to everybody.

Sorry but I needed to write my feelings about it.

 

All this discussion becomes one big misunderstanding. It was between Pascale and the two girls.

They were not perfect strangers in the street. They explained between themselves the whole situation.

 

According to all the best advises posted here we should constantly censor our words, not stay ourselves because each and every word or gesture can offend someone. 

Really, is MFC's task to teach us how to behave? We  know all this. It can be just a question of circumstance, of your mood, a coincidence of the subject we talk about... I don't know what else... and an accident happens ( I don't mean bad behavior on purpose).

It's not a reason to lynch anybody (it's not polite).

Who of us has never been in a similar situation may throw a stone the first.

Girls talked to each other and it's the most important. Conversation is the best way.

 

I hope that the next time when we meet we will stay ourselves and respectful to each other. 

 

 

 

 

 

[carafon]

21 hours ago, Anna Ko Kolkowska said:

So now @Romy04  and @carafon  you know what to do.

Just shut up when you are in the crowd, (even with your friends around),

 

That's fine.....acting the muet and the carp has always been my best roles in theater couses  ........

Edited October 2, 2022 by carafon

[mellody]

4 hours ago, Laurya said:

I read the whole thread and I want to write my point of view of this situation : Pascale is a smart woman and if she felt hurts, there is a reason. She’s perfectly able to understand and what happened at Verona it’s not normal and will never be ok. When you make fun of someone and you see that this person isn’t laughing it’s not humor. I think it’s SO easy to hide meanness with humor. And then, say « it’s just a misunderstanding ». Personally, I love to joke and laugh about all situations. But only with my friends/family, I would never allow myself to do it with strangers, because I don't know how they may react and I don’t want to hurt. Unfortunately we can’t do anything but please just a reminder to be polite and kind with each other whether during gigs or online. Respect is a basis and it’s not always just a misunderstanding 

 

You're right about attacks that are hidden behind jokes, it's not better and it's something I unfortunately see all the time online (especially on Twitter), directed at Mika, or also at members of the MFC. And if it's just "haha you're such a boomer!". It annoys me, every time, but what can you do? It's other people's sense of humour. Do they want to hurt me with it? Maybe, but more likely they're just careless and not very empathetic. If someone uses it in my presence, I can talk with them and tell them what I think about it, but I can't do much more. I guess it also depends on if/how you want to stay in contact with these people. Maybe I'd have been annoyed by carafon's and Romy's talk as well if it had been about me and I had understood it, that's why I say, of course Pascale's feelings are valid. I just also don't think it's ok to blame people publicly all over social media, with or without names. Even in more serious situations. An internet shitstorm, or being excluded by your peer group, can be a worse punishment than prison, and there is no court for that, no judges who find out in a trial that can take months or even years who is wrong and who is right. I will never feel ok with this public blaming and shaming, and I would never do it. DM your friends about it, ignore and/or block the people who hurt you, or if it's a case for the police, then call the police. You can also DM Deb or me about it, tho we can't do much, but if you want us to know about it, of course we can listen.

 

As I said, there's Mika fans who have hurt me in the past, or who have betrayed my friends (something that happened just a few months ago), or who annoy me with their comments on Twitter. There's even Mika fans who have a completely different view from mine, on life and on how to treat other people. But I guess that's what Mika meant with his message of empathy, you don't have to understand everything (and of course it's even harder if it hurts you), you can only live your own life and try to either stay away from those people, or understand them, or live with them in some other way (maybe by just talking about Mika instead of about topics that you would totally disagree about). We can't change others, I also sometimes still try that, but it's just not possible, the result is mostly defiance (and if you think about how you'd feel if someone tried to change you or tell you what to do, you'd probably feel the same).

 

I guess I digressed a bit, this is more about the general topic than about Pascale's issues in particular, but well, that's what this thread is for, it's certainly not an easy topic that can be discussed in 2 lines.