chinkalicious1

the whole being official issue is kind of frustrating i guess... but think of it this way, anticipation will make the true event sweeter also, way off topic, I'm FREAKING OUT!! I have a phone interview in about 1 hour.... AH!

this is brilliant! so is the sound clip. haha.

HAHAHAH Lily allen is dating Ron from HP???! that's pretty hilarious. I actually like her quite a bit... but nothing like my appreciation for mika... also, did that boy father her unborn child?? that's scary and sad all at the same time in so many ways...

I'm feeling better than I was last night and I'm glad people have been writing. It's really helped! I know there are so many times when something like grief and sadness are on your mind, and it's somehow harder than anything else to share with your peers. For me, and the way I was raised, I'm very private with my emotions and I don't enjoy feeling vulnerable in front of people. Because of this, I'm so glad to be able to have this, to be able to help myself and others to understand such overwhelming emotion with the safety of some sort of barrier. I guess I think about him, Gizmo, my dog, and he reminds me of the fragility of life. He reminds me that everything I have and everything I do is only worth what I make of it. It's almost been one year since he passed, and I guess being at school away from home helped some, but so often I am just overloaded and I just shut down in response. I think about him so much, about his smile and his little snaggle tooth, the smell of his fur, the way he used to burrow under the covers, the warmth of his body against mine, the excitement and welcome he gave whenever I came home from school. And I guess I never thought that enthusiasm and warmth would ever go cold, and I never thought that I could love something so much, and suddenly not have it around anymore. I felt nothing but guilt after he died. We got two new puppies and I love them, but it took me so long before I could let them wear his clothing, or let them play with his toys, and most of the time I'm okay, but sometimes I remember and I feel so guilty for loving them... I guess I'm trying to be as eloquent as I can but I'm letting my emotions get the best of me. I think it's probably fair for me to say that I'm afraid of love in many forms. I'm so afraid of loss that I tend to avoid love, but because I avoid it so much, I want it so desperately. I am so ambivalent... I'm sorry I've started to rant... but I just want to thank everyone for being, and I say how much I appreciate you all.

that is honestly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.

I know this is not the happiest of topics but I was hoping to find comfort and support? Maybe that's selfish and silly of me, and I'm sorry if this is the case. So I haven't started anything since I first arrived here, but I'm having one of those weeks filled with emotion and an odd ominous feeling. And I'm sitting here in my bed, in the dark, in the middle of the night, when I have class in a few hours, thinking about things past and finding it harder and harder to fall asleep. I guess this is for anyone who has lost something or someone, because sometimes we just can't help but to remember. So I guess I'll try and start... Most of the time I feel silly because the one thing I miss most is my late pet dog.. and I guess it's nothing compared to other losses, but I guess sometimes I just can't handle knowing that I will never see him again.

awww so cute... i can only hope. ='[' what'd he write?? i need to live vicariously through others.

oh im a perpetual insomniac... even when im tired. im up till 4am most nights... but im gonna try and head to bed for the sake of my class at 9am hahahah. good night. ;D

i know... i thought it'd help with my Mika obsession, but now i just have two obsessions haha. also, is it wrong that i'm somewhat mesmerized by the fans map... something about representing people around the world using little red x's gets me. wow i should sleep. LOL

uhmm... that's TOTALLY what i do.. haha... but I really dont mind being a horrible person for mika's sake hahahah. i spend every moment of my life in school... ugh... and when i get the chance i sleep sleep sleep!! and when i cant sleep... which is way too often... im here and im here in between classes... and im here during class sometimes hahah. it's a bad habit

hello back fellow americans so I've been reading around here and i feel like a bad american because I don't really watch all that much television. dont get be wrong, i love tv and im easily amused by it, but i dont feel the need to watch unless im already watching... LOL Also, I can't understand a lot of this simon love as he looks a lot like my analytic calculus prof from high school hahah and he acts and talks and articulates like him... scary! that and I compare everything and everyone to mika too. the colleges around here are obsessed with acapella and one of them does GK and im afraid to go see them because I'll just be mean. hahah

hello... im american and i see this thread and i never post here because it's scary being somewhere new... every time haha. but i guess i just had one of those emotionally charged bad days and needed someone and somewhere to share that. ugh... hello fellow americans though.

oh ook... hahaha

who is this imposter!!? LOL

im absolutely willing to help if you need any

i got really bored... obviously haha. 200: My middle name is: don't really have one but legally by chinese name: shi chi 199: I was born in: Manhattan, New York 198: I am really: very happy 197: My cell phone company is:verizon 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 10 194: My ring size is: 9.5 193: My height is: 5'8" 192: I am allergic to: everything haha dogs, dust, trees, roaches, mice, everything. 191: My 1st car was: ford explorer 190: My 1st job was: museum tour guide 189: Last book you read: for school- genetics textbook, for leisure- can't remember 188: My bed is: in my dorm: tall... at home: unloved 187: My pet: i have many!! and they are all adorable. 186: My best friend: i have many as well and they are all wonderful. 185: My favorite shampoo is: got 2b... haven't seen it in soo long 184: AIM name: lstarlight666... i was young and confused hahaha 183: Piggy Banks are: always full of pennies 182: In my pockets: are always tissues! 181: On my calendar: application deadlines, interviews, papers, and exams.. 180: Marriage is: cool, but not happening just yet for me. 179: Sponge Bob can: be annoying but hysterical as well. 178: My mom: is like sponge bob lol 177: The last three cd's I bought were: i can hardly remember. 176: Last YouTube video watched: some mika interview in french. 175: How many cousins do you have? a LOt... too many to count. 174: Do you have any siblings: yep, one older sister. 173: Are your parents divorced: no, but they probably should be. 172: Are you taller than your mom? yep, by 1 or 2 cms. 171: Do you play an instrument? yep, piano and clarinet. 170: What did you do yesterday: sleep, eat, play, watch mean girls. I Believe In: 169: Love at first sight: sometimes 168: Luck: i guess, even though I have bad luck. 167: Fate: yes 166: Yourself: not as much as I wish i did. 165: Aliens: not really... 164: Heaven: not so much... 163: Hell: same as 164 162: God: something like it. 161: Horoscopes: YES! proud scorpio! 160: Soul mates: most of the time. 159: Ghosts: yep 158: Gay Marriage: MORE THAN ANYTHING. 157: War: unfortunately. but when it used to bring forth change and revolution. 156: Orbs: i guess... 155: Magic: eh.. Which is Better 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs 153: Drunk or High: neither. 152: Phone or Online: i can't chose! 151: Red heads or Black haired: black 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: warm 148: Summer or winter: winter 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: straight 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk 140: Mac or PC: MAC! 139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops 138: Ugly and rich OR Sexy and poor: neither. whoever i can love and who can love me in return. 136: Hillary or Obama: hahah! obama 135: Burried or cremated: burried 134: Singing or Dancing: dancing 133: Coach or Chanel: coach 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: dunno... 131: Small town or Big city: big city! 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedi 127: East Coast or West Coast: EAST 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney! 123: Yankees or Red Sox: yanks Here's What I Think About 122: War: is good when it is it constructive. 121: George Bush: is usually an idiot. 120: Gay Marriage: is wonderful. 119: The presidential election: is important 118: Abortion: pro-choice 117: MySpace: is overrated.. sorry myspace fans. 116: Reality TV: is overrated as well haha but amusing. 115: Parents: deserve all you can give them. 114: Back stabbers: suck! 113: Ebay: confusing sometimes. 112: Sex: GREAT ;D 111: Work: is good when you enjoy it. 110: My Neighbors: my dorm mates? they're great. 109: Gas Prices: are rising. 108: Designer Clothes: are overrated. 107: College: is difficult but worth it. 106: Sports: are great. 105: My family: is broken but I can't help but love it. 104: The future: is scary. Last time I 103: Hugged someone: today 102: Last time you ate: 2 hours ago 101: Saw someone I haven't seen in awhile: last weekend. 100: Cried in front of someone: this hardly ever happens... but this past friday. 99: Went to a movie theater: late january?? 98: Took a vacation: winter break in december 97: Swam in a pool: wow... almost a couple of years. 96: Changed a diaper: 6 months? 95: Got my nails done: 2 years?? 94: Went to a wedding: does getting invited count? if so 8 months-ish, if not... years. 93: Broke a bone: never. thank god. 92: Got a peircing: octoberish... 91: Broke the law: maybe 3 years ago... 90: Texted: 2 minutes ago hahaha MISC 89: Who makes you laugh the most: friends 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: unconditional love, in whatever form it takes. 87: The last movie I saw: was balls of fury 86: The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: graduation in may... scared... 85: The thing im not looking forward to: growing up. 84: People call me: by my name... lori... 83: The most difficult thing to do is: love yourself. 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never! 81: My zodiac sign is: scorpio!! 80: The first person i talked to today was: my friend yuliya. 79: First time you had a crush: kindergarden. 78: The one person who i can't hide things from: maybe myself? 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: few hours ago. 76: Right now I am talking to: no one. 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: proud future obstetrician. 74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i graduate, probably teaching. 73: Tomorrow: will come. 72: Today: just ended. 71: Next Summer: my life will be completely different. 70: Next Weekend: I'll have had my interview for my potential job... yikes! 69: I have these pets: 2 chihuahuas, 1 hamster, 1 cat, 5 or so fish... i think that's it. 68: The worst sound in the world: the sound of crying children. ='[ 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my father. 66: People that make you happy: my friends. 65: Last time I cried: friday. 64: My friends are: wonderful. 63: My computer is: getting old but i love it still. 62: My School: is so hard to deal with sometimes but I can't imagine life without it. 61: My Car: is nonexistent LOL. 60: I lose all respect for people who: don't respect their parents. 59: The movie I cried at was: most? probably the notebook haha. 58: Your hair color is: brown. 57: TV shows you watch: none really... 56: Favorite web site: MFC!! hooray... that or maybe checking my gmail or facebook haha. 55: Your dream vacation: hanging out with mika. 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: physically? when my sister popped my toe nail off when i was 7, emotionally? when i realized that no one would ever love me as much as my mom. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare hahaha 52: My room is: filthy! 51: My favorite celebrity is: mika... by far. 50: Where would you like to be: with mika... but since that's probably implausible... no where but here. 49: Do you want children: yes... a ton. 48: Ever been in love: probably not. I won't know until I have i guess. 47: Whos your best friend: i have many. 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: mika's music. 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: MIKA (this is getting redundant LOL) 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: as in do i know what i will be doing in the next 5 years? probably... teaching, MCATs, med school, residency. 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no not physically but mentally, every day. 41: Have you pre-named your children: no but I love the name Charlie for a girl. 40: Last person I got mad at: my mother. 39: I would like to move to: back home from school to nyc ='[ 38: I wish I was a professional: obstetrician. My Favourite: 37: Candy: mars bars... i dont know if they make those any more. 36: Vehicle: segways they are hilarious. 35: President: clinton 34: State visited: new york. 33: Cell Phone Provider: ...? verizon? LOL 32: Athlete: damien walters... he's amazing. 31: Actor: dont really have one. 30: Actress: same 29: Singer: mika by a landslide. 28: Band: don't know. 27: Clothing Store: dont have one. 26: Grocery Store: ... same 25: TV show: don't really watch tv. simpsons or family guy? 24: Movie: anything hilarious. 23: Website: MFC/facebook/gmail 22: Animal: panda maybe 21: Theme Park: i dont like them. 20: Holiday: chinese new year 19: Sport to watch: soccer. 18: Sport to play: frisbee 17: Magazine: dunno. 16: Book: the last one i read. 15: Day of the week: friday or saturday 14: Beach: dont have one. 13: Concert Attended: mika at the electric factory. 12: Thing to cook: pasta! 11: Food: anything my parents make 10: Restaurant: fellini's near my school... maybe 9: Radio Station: ... dont really have one 8: Yankee Candle scent: hahaha im super sensitive to scents haha. 7: Perfum: dont wear it. 6: Flower: those little guys that are in the same family as sunflowers. 5: Color: magenta? i really like everything! hooray. 4: Talk Show host: maury! hahah i love trashy shows. 3: Comedian: russel peters. 2: Dog Breed: corgi's !! anything fluffy and pudgy 1: Are you ready for this survey to be over? not really... is that sad???? hahah

the penniman's are all gorgeous... except maybe lil richard hahah but thats a whole different story.

hahah! that was like a quadruple whammy lol!

I dont think I've ever been brave enough to write a love note to someone. I've just secretly cared more than I could handle in my head.

oh me too! i also use haha, hehe, and lol way too much. I had to hold back from using them in this post.

oh no! sometimes i feel like 2 hours without internet would kill me... i applaud your success haha ;D

we really should... i only got to be on once where there were people but then I had to leave to see the lunar eclipse. haha

awww no one is ever on ='[

happy birthday! that sounds so cool. It's funny how mika turns up in the funniest places in our lives. My school is pretty old and we have these 100 year old traditions, and one of the most major ones is happening now and one the traditions is for freshman students to get trailed and punished for something they do often... like loving mika or singing too much. and at the end of trials someone played gk and i was so surprised and happy and i danced so much. also we have this giant performance for freshman to play around and have fun in front of about 1100 upperclass women and 2 freshman did a performance to love today... i died and screamed and sang ;D

bronchitis sucks... I hope he gets better soon. also... he looks gorgeous even when he's sick. I had bronchitis once on top of my regular asthma and i was dehydrated, had a sinus infection, and i DEFINITELY did not look that fab. haha... wow, I'm sickly. hah