I think Mika deleted his private MySpace account!

[norwalk174]

that's hilarious!!!

[Nielo]

Far more interesting!

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....

 

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

 

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time! , I'm jumping too."

 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

 

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

 

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

 

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

 

Great joke!

[greta]

what are this misjudgements towards blonde guys and mortadella?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:roftl::roftl:

[violet_sky]

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

 

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

[Cintia_Jenny]

Far more interesting!

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....

 

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

 

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time! , I'm jumping too."

 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

 

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

 

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

 

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

 

 

:roftl: :lmao:

[norwalk174]

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

 

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

 

LMFAO!!!

[Cintia_Jenny]

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

 

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

 

That's so true!! I never think in that!!!

[Nielo]

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

 

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

 

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

 

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

 

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

 

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

 

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

 

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

 

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it''''s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

 

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

 

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

 

Awesome! I'd noticed most of them, but the parking spots I never really thought about.

[sariflor]

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

 

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

 

......

 

Hahaha! So true!!

Like in the ER type shows, everyone ever survives, or at least in FAR higher proportions than they do in real life...

Anyway another one:

 

A man and his wife are awakened at three o'clock in the

morning, by a loud pounding on the door.

 

The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken

stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

 

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning!"

 

He slams the door and returns to bed.

 

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

 

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

 

"Did you help him?" she asks.

 

"No, I did not; it is three in the morning, and it is pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,

and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him,

and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

 

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk

[Nielo]

 

This site is funny too.

 

For example: "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

[greta]

Hahaha! So true!!

 

Like in the ER type shows, everyone ever survives, or at least in FAR higher proportions than they do in real life...

 

Anyway another one:

 

A man and his wife are awakened at three o'clock in the

morning, by a loud pounding on the door.

 

The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken

stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

 

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

 

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

 

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

 

"Did you help him?" she asks.

 

"No, I did not; it is three in the morning, and it is pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,

and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him,

and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

 

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk

 

 

 

 

:roftl::roftl:

for me that's the only meaning of push:naughty:

[Sarah_Lollipop]

Far more interesting!

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....

 

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

 

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

 

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

 

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time! , I'm jumping too."

 

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

 

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

 

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

 

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

 

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

 

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."

 

:roftl:

[violet_sky]

ahhhh, over here on the swing

 

Ever been bored in an elevator?

Try this:

 

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex

to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:

"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside

ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear

yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,

without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the

doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake

and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that

it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the

shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then

announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:

"Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one

of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the

other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see

wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. Tell the stupid-****ing OJ knock, knock joke & laugh at it.

51. As you are walking out, push as many buttons as you can.

[sariflor]

 

This site is funny too.

 

For example: "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

 

Love that!!

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY ...

 

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL

 

WAKING UP THAT MORNING.

 

I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE

 

PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY !", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A

 

PRESENT FOR ME.

 

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE

 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

 

I THOUGHT ... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL

 

REMEMBER.

 

MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

 

SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND

 

SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.

 

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID,

 

"GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY !"

 

IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

 

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR

 

AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S

 

YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

 

I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.

 

LET'S GO !"

 

WE WENT TO LUNCH, BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO.

 

WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE

 

HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.

 

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A

 

BEAUTIFUL DAY ... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE ?"

 

I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND ?"

 

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

 

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT, JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID,

 

"BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM

 

FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

 

"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

 

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES,

 

SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE ... FOLLOWED BY

 

MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL

 

SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

 

AND I JUST SAT THERE ...

 

 

 

ON THE COUCH ...

 

 

 

NAKED.

 

 

[greta]

ahhhh, over here on the swing

 

Ever been bored in an elevator?

Try this:

 

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex

to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:

"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside

ask: "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear

yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,

without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the

doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake

and ask them to call you Admiral.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that

it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the

shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then

announce: "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back:

"Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occassionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one

of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the

other passengers that this is your "personal space."

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see

wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

50. Tell the stupid-****ing OJ knock, knock joke & laugh at it.

51. As you are walking out, push as many buttons as you can.

 

:roftl::roftl: this is great!!!

[norwalk174]

Ever been bored in an elevator?

Try this:

 

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:

"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

 

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,

without getting off.

 

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one

of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

 

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

 

45. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

 

48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

 

51. As you are walking out, push as many buttons as you can.

 

i love all of these :lmfao: :lmfao:

[greta]

Love that!!

 

 

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY ...

 

LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL

 

WAKING UP THAT MORNING.

 

I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE

 

PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY !", AND POSSIBLY HAVE A

 

PRESENT FOR ME.

 

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE

 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

 

I THOUGHT ... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL

 

REMEMBER.

 

MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD.

 

SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND

 

SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.

 

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANE SAID,

 

"GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY !"

 

IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

 

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR

 

AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S

 

YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

 

I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.

 

LET'S GO !"

 

WE WENT TO LUNCH, BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO.

 

WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE

 

HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.

 

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A

 

BEAUTIFUL DAY ... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE ?"

 

I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND ?"

 

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

 

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT, JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID,

 

"BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM

 

FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

 

"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

 

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES,

 

SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE ... FOLLOWED BY

 

MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL

 

SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY".

 

AND I JUST SAT THERE ...

 

 

 

ON THE COUCH ...

 

 

 

NAKED.

 

 

 

gaffes happens:naughty:

[Nielo]

OMG!

Both the elevator ones and the secretary joke are hilarious!

[greta]

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

 

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

 

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly.

''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

 

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man.

''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

[violet_sky]

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

 

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

 

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly.

''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

 

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man.

''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

 

 

OMG LOL! :roftl:

[greta]

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much.

One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog.

They were amazed when the frog talked to them.

The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females.

The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet.

One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish.

He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle.

It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself.

Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, “I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could.

[sariflor]

Talking Italian

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

 

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

 

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly.

''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

 

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man.

''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

 

 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

Mississippi!!!!

Seriously I had forgotten how funny jokes can be. This is the best thread ever (now)

[greta]

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

 

Mississippi!!!!

Seriously I had forgotten how funny jokes can be. This is the best thread ever (now)

..now we are here

 

I Gonna Back to Italy

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)

 

One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss.

I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand.

I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.

The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.

So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy''

[chickadee]

if mika ever got mad at me i would probably just smile at how beautiful he is when he's mad and then it would make him more mad

 

Actually, I can imagine Mika being very frightening when mad. He's sooo tall, well, to me who's only 5'2". That's rather a lot of enraged male.

[sariflor]

..now we are here

 

I Gonna Back to Italy

(Attention: This must be read with an Italian accent, preferably out loud.)

 

One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss.

I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand.

I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.

The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.

So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not piss on bed you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ''Peace unto you'' I say ''Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy''

 

 

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I had heard this one but cr@p is it funny!! Hilarious:roftl: