Siu Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 But if you had a good husband who cares about family? Then he wouldn´t set an ultimatum........ Exactly! I've seen this happen to a couple of people I know. Perhaps not in so many words, but certainly a plea from their partner to start focusing on the relationship/family more than this escapist world. And yes it is a time to think about the relationship and the future and I can see how the decision could go either way because there are usually problems in the relationship to start with. I think even if this woman says she chose Westlife over her husband it's not as simple as that and she may find herself in another relationship down the road where she'd rather spend time with her partner than going to gigs. I totally agree! I've had more than one conversation with my husband about eg the amount of time he tolerates me humming a MIKA song or should I or should I not expose our kids to too much MIKA (as if there were such a thing as too much MIKA ) or alike, but he has never got personal, because with the exception of the first months of my MIKAmadness, it has never interfered with our relationship. If it did, I would also think seriously about the prospects of our marriage, since obviously there would be something missing that I tried to compensate with the escapist world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nico_collard Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Westlife fan dumps husband over boyband A Westlife fan has split up with her husband due to the passion she has for the boyband. Jane Holmes was told by her second husband to "choose Westlife or [him]", according to The Mirror. The 44-year-old, who separated from partner Norman last year, has eight tattoos and has spent £30,000 on 60 of the group's concerts. Jane revealed: "I think he thought I was joking but he soon realised I wasn't. I always get stopped in the street and he couldn't hack the attention I was getting. "The concerts take up a lot of my time and money. Westlife are a really big part of my life. I'm completely devoted to them and the tattoos are my way of showing my loyalty. I like to think I am their biggest fan. "It's my only hobby. I don't smoke, I don't drink, so Westlife are my only addiction." I can identify with some of the comments here for example, I don't smoke, I don't drink much and I see Mika as a hobby, but surely this woman goes too far, sacrificing her real life relationships? What do you think? Erm..... Well, whatever floats her boat. I certainly wouldn't choose Mika (or Hanson, or U2, or anyone else I fangurl over) over my BF. He knows that I fangurl over lots of people, but at the moment he finds it amusing. If he ever thought I was getting too obsessed with it, then I'd tone it down. I suspect that if she hasn't already spoken to the guys in Westlife, they might find her very weird and want a restraining order out on her. It does remind me of this article I remember reading a few years back. There's a bunch of Twi-mums in Victoria, and a magazine did an article on them. One of them had not long gotten divorced from her hubby because he couldn't stand her obsession with Twilight for any longer. And they'd been married for a while before her obsession as well. From what I remember, she sounded a lot like the woman in the article (though I don' know if she had a bunch of tats). Also, another woman in hte article had a lot of trouble in her marriage because of her obsession. They even happily admitted that if their husbands didn't like it, they could leave. Funny coincidence, there's a new reality show starting here today called "superfans". In the previews you see fans talking about how they'd die for their idol, every inch in the house is decorated with pictures, they made scrapbooks with pictures of them and their idol getting married (photoshop or good old glue...). I'm really looking forward to watching it and seeing if/and or what I have in common with them. Oooooh, interesting... I'd love to hear all about it once it airs. You can be our reporter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I thought it was fairly obvious that the point of this thread was to provoke a bit of self-examination and not to rush to judge some woman we obviously know nothing about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siu Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I don't see why he shouldn't. I wouldn't put up with a man who was more interested in a hobby than me- and as she did chose Westlife, that's not in doubt. If the relationship were a vital one in other aspects, they'd talk, not set ultimatums. You might say it sound like a cliché, but sometimes discussing problems helps to solve them . In one way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyaboutmika Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 I truly believe if you love a person, you want that person to be happy and you "set them free"... and if they come back, that means they love you. Also you take them as they are ...and you don't try to change them... That's the story of "Rain", isn't it? Everyone should be entitled to make their own choices... Last summer, if I'd gone to Compiègne, my marriage would have been over probably. But I ended up staying at home because I have children. It wasn't only a matter of going to a Mika gig...I also wanted to meet a lot of you But it's not an addiction matter, although I'm really addicted to Mika, it's mainly that I can feel free and be myself here. I really wish I could be at the MFC anniversary meeting... I'm not giving less attention to my husband because of Mika, the thing is my husband and I have very little in commun except that we both love our children...before he put the blame on Mika , he put the blame on computers, he put the blame on books...anything that in his opinion is a waste of time because he thinks I should scrub the whole house before being allowed to have some fun. And his idea of fun isn't the same as mine anyway...a day in the country is just boring for me when that's his idea of fun... I love swimming in the sea and he hates it. I love crowds and they freak him out... We don't have the same background at all either.... That's not Mika's fault obviously , that's more my mistake not to have seen how different we were and how that would be a problem in the long run. I'm very passionate and I want to have fun and he worries about the future and forgets to live for today... If I find myself single again some day, that will be because I need to be free and to be myself (that includes going to Mika gigs and MFC meetings) and be able to make my own decisions. People change in the course of their lives and we've evolved in opposite ways...surely that can't be blamed on Mika. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poisonyoulove Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Fandom obsessions are a part of who I am. Anyone who can't accept that isn't someone I want to spend any time with. I do prefer being single, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 She'll be sitting on her own a year from now wondering what the hell have I done ... considering that they announced a couple of weeks ago they're splitting up ... I mean ... I might understand this if they hadn't announced this ... but they're touring one more time and then that's it ... poor women ... I think she's bloody deluded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiibet Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Westlife fan dumps husband over boyband A Westlife fan has split up with her husband due to the passion she has for the boyband. Jane Holmes was told by her second husband to "choose Westlife or [him]", according to The Mirror. The 44-year-old, who separated from partner Norman last year, has eight tattoos and has spent £30,000 on 60 of the group's concerts. Jane revealed: "I think he thought I was joking but he soon realised I wasn't. I always get stopped in the street and he couldn't hack the attention I was getting. "The concerts take up a lot of my time and money. Westlife are a really big part of my life. I'm completely devoted to them and the tattoos are my way of showing my loyalty. I like to think I am their biggest fan. "It's my only hobby. I don't smoke, I don't drink, so Westlife are my only addiction." I can identify with some of the comments here for example, I don't smoke, I don't drink much and I see Mika as a hobby, but surely this woman goes too far, sacrificing her real life relationships? What do you think? I think she definitely goes too far. I also think she must have some other problems in her life too? It looks she doesn't have a balance in her life or that her priorities are not "healthy". Maybe her marriage wasn't a good one or maybe it was and she will realize it later and be very sad (and that would be very sad indeed). I'm totally addicted to my concert hobby, there is no question about it. But the thing is that I'm very easily addicted. I always need something to focus on. When I was a student it was exercising. When my kids were born I spent 8 years 24/7 with my children, focusing on only their needs, breast-feeding, carrying and attachment parenting. I still think that leaving working life and focusing on my kids was my best decision ever. But I realized that my kids grow and I must give them some space, they are all at school now and have their own friends and hobbies. After spending a lot of time at home I was shy and a bit afraid to do anything new but I started to travel and noticed that I can travel on my own and that actually, I love it I'm so helpless in some things, I can't drive well and I'm always lost in my own home town. It has been wonderful to notice that I can travel on my own and do whatever I want. My life has always been looking for a balance. If I really love and enjoy something I use all my time and energy for it. So far my Mika hobby has not been a problem. My husband knows exactly that this is how I am and he also knows that our sons are my first priority. The money I spent for traveling is not away from my family. Sometimes he is annoyed or tired because I travel too much and I try to notice it and stay more at home. Sometimes I regret so much that I can't go to every gig and so on, because my family won't let me, but what to do? I have a huge support from my family, my kids are mikafans too, and my husband drove me 3000 km to my 2 gigs and back. I think I'm very lucky, and to do something that would do any harm to my family would be a severe ingratitude. And I'm twice happy that I love Mika NOT in the way women love their husbands Of course, I don't know her real situation, but I'm talking from the position of a good normal family life. edit: We already had similar discussions, right? But as we have nothing to talk about... I remember meeting your family in Riga! It was a huge effort from you husband to drive you to see Mika and your family seemed to enjoy the concert so much! Then he wouldn´t set an ultimatum........ Well, that is how I see it, too. You can't tell another adult person how to do. You can only tell how you feel about the situation. I would never let my hobby to destroy my family life. So far it has brought good things to my life. But my husband is very understanding. It's not easy to live with a person who does everything in life with passion. For me it's not about loving an artist and his music, it's about how I live and do everything, and I'm really grateful I've found a husband who can actually accept me how I am. On the other hand, I realize he is sometimes tired and I try to learn to be less selfish every day, make more compromises and consider my husband's feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soaring Simpson Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I must admit I'm wondering if the fan would get so much sympathy if the headline was "Man dumps wife for Beyonce"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naectegale Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I must admit I'm wondering if the fan would get so much sympathy if the headline was "Man dumps wife for Beyonce"? True - if you assume a kind of infidelity because she's a girl. Many men devote themselves to football teams and travel every week to see them play, which is both time consuming and expensive and poor wifey gets left at home with the kids. This is considered "normal" behaviour. The women make a decision about how much of this type of "neglect" they can put up with - some of them will go with their husband and enjoy it, some will find another hobby and enjoy being free at weekends, some will sit home and sulk about it. It's the relationship that makes the difference, not the nature of the obsession. All relationships are different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiibet Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I must admit I'm wondering if the fan would get so much sympathy if the headline was "Man dumps wife for Beyonce"? I think there would be much more prejudices in the air... I'm not giving any sympathy to this fan, I think she goes too far and I think it's sad if/when she regrets it later. On the other hand, maybe she can now find a man who will come first in her priorities, before any addictions. I just wanted to say that she is a very extreme case. Most fans who use a lot of time, money and energy for being a fan would never put their relationships in danger. I know I wouldn't. My husband knows he is always my first priority (before my hobbies) and if he ever asked I would stop traveling and going to concerts. But he would never ask things like that. And this is not my first "addiction" and definitely not my last either. At some point (when the kids are older) I will probably travel more with my husband, but I think I will always follow Mika's career at some level (reading interviews, following the news etc). Now I'm really curious about this band (in the article) I must go and check who they are... Edit: oh, it's really boy band music, not my style... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamy_Queen Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I truly believe if you love a person, you want that person to be happy and you "set them free"... and if they come back, that means they love you.Also you take them as they are ...and you don't try to change them... That's the story of "Rain", isn't it? Everyone should be entitled to make their own choices... Last summer, if I'd gone to Compiègne, my marriage would have been over probably. But I ended up staying at home because I have children. It wasn't only a matter of going to a Mika gig...I also wanted to meet a lot of you But it's not an addiction matter, although I'm really addicted to Mika, it's mainly that I can feel free and be myself here. I really wish I could be at the MFC anniversary meeting... I'm not giving less attention to my husband because of Mika, the thing is my husband and I have very little in commun except that we both love our children...before he put the blame on Mika , he put the blame on computers, he put the blame on books...anything that in his opinion is a waste of time because he thinks I should scrub the whole house before being allowed to have some fun. And his idea of fun isn't the same as mine anyway...a day in the country is just boring for me when that's his idea of fun... I love swimming in the sea and he hates it. I love crowds and they freak him out... We don't have the same background at all either.... That's not Mika's fault obviously , that's more my mistake not to have seen how different we were and how that would be a problem in the long run. I'm very passionate and I want to have fun and he worries about the future and forgets to live for today... If I find myself single again some day, that will be because I need to be free and to be myself (that includes going to Mika gigs and MFC meetings) and be able to make my own decisions. People change in the course of their lives and we've evolved in opposite ways...surely that can't be blamed on Mika. I wish you to be happy, and you know it! You are very kind and wise woman, I love you so much I must admit I'm wondering if the fan would get so much sympathy if the headline was "Man dumps wife for Beyonce"? That's why sometimes I imagine: what is my husband spent all his free time in Shakira forum? As long as he sits at political and technical forums - I don't mind (it gives me time for MFC, hehehe), but what if I asked him something, and he said: No, wait, I have to post some pics at Shakiragasmic thread (I'm exaggerating of course)? So, this thought is like a brake for me. I try to be not so egoistic... at least I try I think she definitely goes too far. I also think she must have some other problems in her life too? It looks she doesn't have a balance in her life or that her priorities are not "healthy". Maybe her marriage wasn't a good one or maybe it was and she will realize it later and be very sad (and that would be very sad indeed). I'm totally addicted to my concert hobby, there is no question about it. But the thing is that I'm very easily addicted. I always need something to focus on. When I was a student it was exercising. When my kids were born I spent 8 years 24/7 with my children, focusing on only their needs, breast-feeding, carrying and attachment parenting. I still think that leaving working life and focusing on my kids was my best decision ever. But I realized that my kids grow and I must give them some space, they are all at school now and have their own friends and hobbies. After spending a lot of time at home I was shy and a bit afraid to do anything new but I started to travel and noticed that I can travel on my own and that actually, I love it I'm so helpless in some things, I can't drive well and I'm always lost in my own home town. It has been wonderful to notice that I can travel on my own and do whatever I want. My life has always been looking for a balance. If I really love and enjoy something I use all my time and energy for it. So far my Mika hobby has not been a problem. My husband knows exactly that this is how I am and he also knows that our sons are my first priority. The money I spent for traveling is not away from my family. Sometimes he is annoyed or tired because I travel too much and I try to notice it and stay more at home. I remember meeting your family in Riga! It was a huge effort from you husband to drive you to see Mika and your family seemed to enjoy the concert so much! Well, that is how I see it, too. You can't tell another adult person how to do. You can only tell how you feel about the situation. I would never let my hobby to destroy my family life. So far it has brought good things to my life. But my husband is very understanding. It's not easy to live with a person who does everything in life with passion. For me it's not about loving an artist and his music, it's about how I live and do everything, and I'm really grateful I've found a husband who can actually accept me how I am. On the other hand, I realize he is sometimes tired and I try to learn to be less selfish every day, make more compromises and consider my husband's feelings. It always admired me how you manage to attend so many gigs and care for 3 kids and husband! It is really great. I like this your post so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiibet Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 It always admired me how you manage to attend so many gigs and care for 3 kids and husband! It is really great. I like this your post so much Thanks This is off topic, but I once knew a woman who's husband made her choose between him and her dear dog. Not because of allergy or anything like that, but because he felt keeping a (tiny) dog was too messy and inconvenient. Seriously, what kind of man can't handle a tiny animal I felt so sorry for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soaring Simpson Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 True - if you assume a kind of infidelity because she's a girl. Many men devote themselves to football teams and travel every week to see them play, which is both time consuming and expensive and poor wifey gets left at home with the kids. This is considered "normal" behaviour. The women make a decision about how much of this type of "neglect" they can put up with - some of them will go with their husband and enjoy it, some will find another hobby and enjoy being free at weekends, some will sit home and sulk about it. It's the relationship that makes the difference, not the nature of the obsession. All relationships are different. I'm not seeing any kind of infidelity cos she's a girl- or because it's an ageing boyband (Edit- on reflection I agree with Dreamy Queen that I'd rather he loved politics/football to Shakira). But I think that if the headline was "Man dumps wife for football" or even "He loves his team more than me" the consensus would be that she was well rid of him. And it's the putting first that this seems to me to be about, more than the time or expense (if there's enough to go round)- I don't think it is normal for a man to actually put his team first. And remember this is a newsaper- "I think on the whole I it might be better if..." easily becomes "ultimatum" or "dumped" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 This is off topic, but I once knew a woman who's husband made her choose between him and her dear dog. Not because of allergy or anything like that, but because he felt keeping a (tiny) dog was too messy and inconvenient. Seriously, what kind of man can't handle a tiny animal I felt so sorry for her. The dog would win in my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 The dog would win in my house. And mine. And C & T know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiibet Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 The dog would win in my house. The dog would win in my house too, because I could never imagine having a husband who doesn't like animals. And more important, if you give a pet a home you don't suddenly decide to give it away just because having a pet is a bit "messy". It's just wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 The dog would win in my house too, because I could never imagine having a husband who doesn't like animals. And more important, if you give a pet a home you don't suddenly decide to give it away just because having a pet is a bit "messy". It's just wrong. You know I totally agree with this. I can't imagine shacking up with someone who doesn't like animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soaring Simpson Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 You know I totally agree with this. I can't imagine shacking up with someone who doesn't like animals. No nor can I- though I'd object strongly if I was living with a man who got a pet without consulting me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 You know I totally agree with this. I can't imagine shacking up with someone who doesn't like animals. Yes it's a deal breaker. A first date deal-breaker, nevermind shacking up! I can understand if people have preferences for pets. Your lifestyle has to suit the pet and vice versa which is why I don't have dogs myself. But if someone just doesn't love animals then that is a fundamental incompatibility (and I can't help judging them negatively as a person as well). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiibet Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 And mine. And C & T know it. I knew you love animals a lot! Yes it's a deal breaker. A first date deal-breaker, nevermind shacking up! I can understand if people have preferences for pets. Your lifestyle has to suit the pet and vice versa which is why I don't have dogs myself. But if someone just doesn't love animals then that is a fundamental incompatibility (and I can't help judging them negatively as a person as well). This is exactly how I think too. Of course I understand that some people can't have pets and sometimes people are not used to be near animals (they may have allergies or something). It breaks my heart to think that our dog was taken to a shelter because her family (in her previous life) didn't want her anymore. It took her a lot of time to trust us after that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaisam Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Obviously, Westlife announced they're breaking up, so I wonder what this woman is going to do now . Will she regret her decision when there's no more Westlife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willywonka Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 I'm the pet lover at home... By now we have two dogs, several cats, two bunnies and a couple of rossycolies, let alone the whole bunch of fish in the aquarium... My husband always complaints saying this house is not a zoo, but in the endwhenever i am sick, it's him who takes care of them, cleans the poo, clean the cages and buy the food... How can i trade a man like this for Mika, ffs???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamy_Queen Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Obviously, Westlife announced they're breaking up, so I wonder what this woman is going to do now . Will she regret her decision when there's no more Westlife. She can follow those of them who will start solo career. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willywonka Posted November 10, 2011 Share Posted November 10, 2011 Obviously, Westlife announced they're breaking up, so I wonder what this woman is going to do now . Will she regret her decision when there's no more Westlife. She'll become a Mika fan!!!! :lmfao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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