I love you baby, but face it he's Mika

[CallieFornia]

I don't think you love him. You may be infatuated or have a crush, but love is completely different. I really like Mika. I think he's attractive and seems to have an amazing personality, but I definitely do not love him any more than I love all human beings. Being in love with someone requires actually knowing them. None of us have ever spent more than a few minutes with him. We don't know how he is when he's angry, in a bad mood or around his close friends and family. I'm sure he's still that same, sweet guy, but what we know of him is limited to what he shows us.

 

Obviously - I doubt many people know everything about me either, in fact, I doubt anyone does. I prefer to keep it that way or things get complicated.

The thing is that there is no definition of love. You could look it up in the dictionary, but that's just someone's opinion. Love is what you choose to interpret love as. I have never felt the way I feel about Mika about anyone else - though I have believed I am love several times, with people I actually know. Except I wasn't and I don't want to be - I am just not interested in anyone else in that way. As far as I'm concerned - and most people who actually know me are concerned - I am in love with Mika. Maybe you don't agree, but that's my opinion.

[Christine]

To be honest, I'm a bit chocked with the result of this poll.

 

Me too. I at least expected more people to lie about it

 

But really why do so many people have such a strong infatuation with Mika if they're satisified with their partners? Having this kind of obsession with someone you know would be totally unacceptable and would almost inevitably lead to infidelity if the third party took an interest in you.

 

The question is if Mika moved out of the realm of fantasy and actually asked you to be with him what would you do? It's easy to see why some people would say yes because if this kind of infatuation moved over to a real relationship it would be hard to resist. It's not necessarily saying that you would dump your partner for any other guy to come along.

 

And yes, Mika is not perfect and we'd all see him in a different light if we had to wake up with him every day for 40 years, but people would be tempted to leave their partners before that reality sank in.

[Hannah]

And yes, Mika is not perfect and we'd all see him in a different light if we had to wake up with him every day for 40 years, but people would be tempted to leave their partners before that reality sank in.

 

Why did you have to say that?

[Christine]

Why did you have to say that?

 

Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Even when it's Mika.

[Gatagordinha]

Me too. I at least expected more people to lie about it

 

But really why do so many people have such a strong infatuation with Mika if they're satisified with their partners? Having this kind of obsession with someone you know would be totally unacceptable and would almost inevitably lead to infidelity if the third party took an interest in you.

 

The question is if Mika moved out of the realm of fantasy and actually asked you to be with him what would you do? It's easy to see why some people would say yes because if this kind of infatuation moved over to a real relationship it would be hard to resist. It's not necessarily saying that you would dump your partner for any other guy to come along.

 

And yes, Mika is not perfect and we'd all see him in a different light if we had to wake up with him every day for 40 years, but people would be tempted to leave their partners before that reality sank in.

 

But he isn't going to is he, Mika I mean. It really is total fantasy. Maybe some people on the forum think they might be in with a chance ( ) but most of us know we are not. For many reasons . I don't think there is any harm in a bit of fantasy. it isn't tantamount to adultery, nor does it mean you don't love your real life partner.

 

I may as well imagine running off with Batman. It aint gonna happen but it's fun to imagine

[Sarah_Lollipop]

But he isn't going to is he, Mika I mean. It really is total fantasy. Maybe some people on the forum think they might be in with a chance ( ) but most of us know we are not. For many reasons . I don't think there is any harm in a bit of fantasy. it isn't tantamount to adultery, nor does it mean you don't love your real life partner.

 

I may as well imagine running off with Batman. It aint gonna happen but it's fun to imagine

 

:thumb_yello:

[Christine]

I may as well imagine running off with Batman. It aint gonna happen but it's fun to imagine

 

Okay so would you dump Batman for Mika? What about Spiderman? He's hotter.

[Sarah_Lollipop]

Okay so would you dump Batman for Mika? What about Spiderman? He's hotter.

 

I agree with that! He's cute!

[Blue]

And I agree with that too! Spiderman is SO cute!

 

Ode to a Superhero

[CallieFornia]

Out of interest - how did this become a discussion about Spiderman/Batman?

[Blue]

Blame her:

 

I may as well imagine running off with Batman.

[CallieFornia]

Who said it would be impossible to run off with Batman?! You never know; it could happen ...

[sonjalovestoday]

No comment on my choice.

[mac1718]

kinda hard for me to vote seeing as I have no parter and am only 14 - a whole 10 years younger than mika.... darn.

[lollipop_monkey]

 

 

But really why do so many people have such a strong infatuation with Mika if they're satisfied with their partners? Having this kind of obsession with someone you know would be totally unacceptable and would almost inevitably lead to infidelity if the third party took an interest in you.

That's just it - it's harmless. Countless studies have shown that during the first gushy, romantic months of a relationship, people's brains actually work differently. There's a chemical rush - dopamine, I think? - which is responsible for the giddy, floaty, who-needs-food-or-sleep-I-have-my-beloved feeling.

Obsessing over Mika is a way of getting that high without risking anything in one's "reality." It's like a virtual reality roller coaster; you get some of the fun without any of the risk. I think it has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of their "reality" relationship. 

To obsess over someone in your real day-to-day life, like a colleague, for example, is fraught with all sorts of complications. Namely, the prospect of either (or both!) parties becoming truly interested in each other, thus jeopardizing the primary relationship. To obsess over a celebrity who lives an ocean away and has no idea who you are (or knows you as one of a million faces after his concerts) is highly unlikely to have any sort of effect on one's real life.

 

The question is if Mika moved out of the realm of fantasy and actually asked you to be with him what would you do? It's easy to see why some people would say yes because if this kind of infatuation moved over to a real relationship it would be hard to resist. It's not necessarily saying that you would dump your partner for any other guy to come along.

I think that you're right on target that if this kind of infatuation moved into a real life tryst, it would be ridiculously tempting. Especially if all one's preconceived notions about him (Mika's caring, Mika's educated, Mika's beautiful, etc.) are proved true. It's easy to say "yeah, he seems wonderful, but we don't know him, he could be a total jerk." To get to know him and realize that he IS as fabulous as we imagine would be overwhelming. Add in a dash of romance, perhaps some exotic travel and a sprinkle of shared sexual chemistry, and that would be impossibly hard to fight.

Imagine you get a behind-the-scenes job touring with him. Imagine that you and he start spending time together. Imagine after a particularly awesome gig, he invites you back to his hotel room or something, with the intent of discussing work. It would be easy to convince yourself right up to the last second that it was entirely platonic. Until suddenly it wasn’t. And then, as I said in my first post, all hell would break loose.

The best means of protecting the primary relationship would be to be conscious of any brewing attraction, and be completely adamant with oneself that if any tiny stir of mutual attraction was felt, you’d cut ties and fly home to your partner. Being faithful isn’t, in my opinion, about clinging to some romantic dream that you’ll never be attracted to/tempted by another. It’s realizing that you absolutely can be tempted, but recognizing those feelings early enough, when you’re still clear-headed enough to make rational decisions. Once the dopamine rush sets in, it’s really hard to be logical, and very easy to get swept up in the dream.

 

And yes, Mika is not perfect and we'd all see him in a different light if we had to wake up with him every day for 40 years, but people would be tempted to leave their partners before that reality sank in.

That’s another reason why fantasy is so much fun; we can daydream about the ridiculously fabulous things, and completely disregard reality. I don’t imagine anyone daydreams about Mika leaving dirty socks on the floor, staying out late and stumbling in drunk, or leaving the toilet seat up. We daydream about the fun, the romantic, the exotic; that, m’dears, is the appeal.

[Christine]

Being faithful isn’t, in my opinion, about clinging to some romantic dream that you’ll never be attracted to/tempted by another. It’s realizing that you absolutely can be tempted, but recognizing those feelings early enough, when you’re still clear-headed enough to make rational decisions.

 

That's where I'm trying to understand how other people have found themselves in this situation because I have not. I'm not tempted by other people when I'm in a relationship. It's not because I feel I should have some superior moral standard, I'm just not attracted to anyone else when I'm focused on one person.

 

And maybe I would have been blindsided like a lot of oldlings and found this Mika obsession materialize for the first time in my life seemingly out of nowhere but I don't think so. I'm almost certain I would not be hanging out on MFC if I were in a relationship.

 

I mooned over Rick Springfield when I was 14 because I didn't have a boyfriend and I'm mooning over Mika now because I don't have and don't want a boyfriend. Mika (or any fake boyfriend) is a nice non-threatening substitute. I would have no use for him if I had the real thing.

 

Even if I was struck by some unsolicited overinterest in Mika I'm trying to imagine the men I've been involved with tolerating it and I can't. They weren't jealous types, but I think with the level of neglect it would require for me to hear and see what Mika's doing virtually every day and chase him half way round the world, I'd become the victim of some pretty persistent passive-aggressive behaviour.

 

I'm really curious to know how people work that out with their partner because I can't imagine ever getting away with it.

 

I don’t imagine anyone daydreams about Mika leaving dirty socks on the floor, staying out late and stumbling in drunk, or leaving the toilet seat up. We daydream about the fun, the romantic, the exotic; that, m’dears, is the appeal.

 

Actually it's the "perfect" Mika that puts me off. I never found him attractive until I started hearing things like his advice on how to avoid a hangover when you stumble in drunk.

 

No wonder I've had so many man problems...

[sparkly1]

 

 

That's just it - it's harmless. Countless studies have shown that during the first gushy, romantic months of a relationship, people's brains actually work differently. There's a chemical rush - dopamine, I think? - which is responsible for the giddy, floaty, who-needs-food-or-sleep-I-have-my-beloved feeling.

Obsessing over Mika is a way of getting that high without risking anything in one's "reality." It's like a virtual reality roller coaster; you get some of the fun without any of the risk. I think it has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of their "reality" relationship.

To obsess over someone in your real day-to-day life, like a colleague, for example, is fraught with all sorts of complications. Namely, the prospect of either (or both!) parties becoming truly interested in each other, thus jeopardizing the primary relationship. To obsess over a celebrity who lives an ocean away and has no idea who you are (or knows you as one of a million faces after his concerts) is highly unlikely to have any sort of effect on one's real life.



I think that you're right on target that if this kind of infatuation moved into a real life tryst, it would be ridiculously tempting. Especially if all one's preconceived notions about him (Mika's caring, Mika's educated, Mika's beautiful, etc.) are proved true. It's easy to say "yeah, he seems wonderful, but we don't know him, he could be a total jerk." To get to know him and realize that he IS as fabulous as we imagine would be overwhelming. Add in a dash of romance, perhaps some exotic travel and a sprinkle of shared sexual chemistry, and that would be impossibly hard to fight.

Imagine you get a behind-the-scenes job touring with him. Imagine that you and he start spending time together. Imagine after a particularly awesome gig, he invites you back to his hotel room or something, with the intent of discussing work. It would be easy to convince yourself right up to the last second that it was entirely platonic. Until suddenly it wasn’t. And then, as I said in my first post, all hell would break loose.

The best means of protecting the primary relationship would be to be conscious of any brewing attraction, and be completely adamant with oneself that if any tiny stir of mutual attraction was felt, you’d cut ties and fly home to your partner. Being faithful isn’t, in my opinion, about clinging to some romantic dream that you’ll never be attracted to/tempted by another. It’s realizing that you absolutely can be tempted, but recognizing those feelings early enough, when you’re still clear-headed enough to make rational decisions. Once the dopamine rush sets in, it’s really hard to be logical, and very easy to get swept up in the dream.



That’s another reason why fantasy is so much fun; we can daydream about the ridiculously fabulous things, and completely disregard reality. I don’t imagine anyone daydreams about Mika leaving dirty socks on the floor, staying out late and stumbling in drunk, or leaving the toilet seat up. We daydream about the fun, the romantic, the exotic; that, m’dears, is the appeal.

Words of total wisdom here, (I have no idea of your age) but if people would only take this on board in NORMAL EVERYDAY relationships, and realize the reality of true love being imperfect a lot of the time (after all only a perfect person should expect perfection, and I don't know any perfect people), then a lot of people could save themselves the agony of divorce and broken hearts by expecting the romance to stay without every really working hard to keep it alive in the 1st place, REAL relationships and REAL love takes more hard work than anything else we do if we want them to last as long as WE do.

[BonjourMika1990]

I don't have time to read the entire thread, but what an interesting question!

 

My answer is yes. The right thing to say would be "no, that would be wrong to leave the person etc."

But if I'm being honest, than yes, I would most certainly persue something with mika.

 

I mean if he wanted to start something with me, than it's not cheating. If I tell the guy I'm in a relationship with that I love someone else but have not done anything about it yet, in a perfect world than I could run off with mika without guilt. I would feel guilty, yes, but I couldn't deny myself this man if only to avoid hurting the guy...

 

Of course, I would choose mika... He would be just as lucky to have me afterall.

[sparkly1]

 

Actually it's the "perfect" Mika that puts me off. I never found him attractive until I started hearing things like his advice on how to avoid a hangover when you stumble in drunk.

 

No wonder I've had so many man problems...

 

yes I think when he does and says NORMAL things it humanises him more and makes him seem more real and likeable. Myself being an olding, I like to look at MIka as physically I find him extremely attractive (he is defo the type i go for in that department), but I am realistic and would not entertain the idea of him feeling the same for an ugly old biddy lol.

I find his personality (what he shows us that is) is very attractive too, he seems so huggable and sweet. His music is moving and I love arty types who can make me "feel" with their lyrics and music. (My hubby is the total opposite of what I like in a bloke ) but he has other qualities I would hate to have to go without, and i would NEVER be unfaithful to him because loyalty is too important in our relationship, we always said to each other it would be the end of us if one of us strayed, no it's or buts, it would be the end, and this "rule" has kept us right for 27 years, so it seems to be working.

 

He doesn't mind my Mika obsession (maybe he would do if Mika was nearer my age lol), but he knows I don't stand a cat in hells chance.

[Christine]

He doesn't mind my Mika obsession (maybe he would do if Mika was nearer my age lol), but he knows I don't stand a cat in hells chance.

 

No none of us do. No doubt all the husbands are safe from having their wife swept off her feet by Mika.

 

But I know my ex-husband would have been a nightmare about it. But maybe that's why he's an ex

[Suzy]

But really why do so many people have such a strong infatuation with Mika if they're satisified with their partners? Having this kind of obsession with someone you know would be totally unacceptable and would almost inevitably lead to infidelity if the third party took an interest in you.

 

The question is if Mika moved out of the realm of fantasy and actually asked you to be with him what would you do? It's easy to see why some people would say yes because if this kind of infatuation moved over to a real relationship it would be hard to resist. It's not necessarily saying that you would dump your partner for any other guy to come along.

 

Putting aside the fact that this ever happening is so remote (with all the factors that would have to be put into play, the timing, the setting, the atmosphere, the chemistry, etc.) but that you still cannot rule out the possibility, then YES - it would be very difficult to resist pursuing a relationship. However, when reality sinks in, I somehow believe that many people who are not happy in their current, normal relationship (normal meaning, apart from having an abusive or psychotic, or depressed partner) have either:

 

1. fallen out of love (which means there was lack of effort to work on it, and spend quality time together, which caused them to drift apart - these are often the most civil types of breakups where both are sad it didn't work but agree that its for the best anyway).

 

or

 

2. had an unrealistic standard of how the relationship should be. Often, the next relationship doesn't work either, because the same unrealistic standards are placed again. I know a lot of women who expect the "honeymoon" stage to last forever and need the constant attention and romance to be happy.

 

 

Mika is talented, endearing, charming, witty, and a rising, popular, celebrity that can bring you a charmed and comfortable life. Last but not least, he is physically attractive - this is what makes it all the more tempting.

 

And as shallow as it sounds, knowing that thousands of other people would be so jealous to be in your shoes makes it even more appealing.

 

If something more meaningful than sex, becomes the primary basis for your relationship, only then will it be more enduring and enriching. But this deeper quality of a connection is not something that can normally happen overnight or even over a couple of dates. For a long, lasting, satisfying relationship, the same formula is required - whether it be with a famous pop star, or the guy next door.

[lollipop_monkey]

 

 

That's where I'm trying to understand how other people have found themselves in this situation because I have not. I'm not tempted by other people when I'm in a relationship. It's not because I feel I should have some superior moral standard, I'm just not attracted to anyone else when I'm focused on one person.

Hrm. I think maybe people are just wired differently. I can safely say that more than once I've been attracted to someone else (both celebrities and "real" people) while in a serious relationship. In my personal experience, it's not a problem as long as I keep sight of where to draw the line. It can also be almost reassuring when I realize that while <insert name here> might be attractive or have certain attractive qualities, he still can't hold a candle to my partner.

 

Actually it's the "perfect" Mika that puts me off. I never found him attractive until I started hearing things like his advice on how to avoid a hangover when you stumble in drunk.

No wonder I've had so many man problems...

LOL see I don't get that at all. I can see how Mika's imperfect aspects might make him seem more real, more down to earth and maybe more endearing - but it's beyond me how that corresponds to finding him more attractive.

[rosedewitt]

***edit***

[Christine]

 

 

Hrm. I think maybe people are just wired differently.

Oh absolutely. I just want to hear other people's perspective because our experiences are so different.

I would be surprised if my ex-husband doesn't own a copy of LiCM too. I'm sure he'd love Mika's music. But if I started taking a real fancy to Mika I think he would have been offended because Mika is such a different type physically. I remember saying something about Joseph Fiennes and he really got his back up which surprised me because he had never shown any jealousy in real life situations.

 

LOL see I don't get that at all. I can see how Mika's imperfect aspects might make him seem more real, more down to earth and maybe more endearing - but it's beyond me how that corresponds to finding him more attractive.

When I first saw Mika I thought he was dorky/geeky and it didn't appeal to me at all. The PR Mika seems like an interesting person but very detached and not someone I could really relate to on a very personal level.

There have been discussions on MFC where people have been shocked to discover that he drinks and swears and thinks about sex, because he could almost convince you that wasn't the case in those early interviews.

If Mika really had that asexual children's presenter persona in real life I don't see how anyone could find him attractive, unless you're talking about a 10-year-old girl with a crush. I suppose he could appear down to earth and endearing without telling you to put some aspirin and water on the bed for when you crawl home drunk, but I guess because I'm so much older than him it makes me more comfortable.

If he was just down to earth in his giggling at talking teddy bears kind of way I would just look at him in a sort of motherly way (which I do for the most part anyway, but that's another story). When he acts like every other 24-year-old I dated once upon a time by drinking, swearing, etc. I don't feel like an old cougar taking a fancy to him on occasion.

[Pamette]

I've only had mine for a short while, and if the offer was there then I'd go for it

 

(However, I only want Mikas genes for my future children, being with him would be too problemaic and would totally ruin everything)

 

Hard question!

 

But I think the answer is no because when I met him, I didn't feel attracted by him in the way.

 

I wonder that if I had met him in "the normal life" (without the fame), would I feel attracted by him?

 

Because I knew him very well before the meeting and it's strange to meet someone you know before meeting him.

 

Maybe in normal life (if i felt in love) but not with the fame (hard to know if you really love him or if you love the Mika you watch on TV)