sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 About the internet thing. I find the internet is a far better way to suss people out, especially if they are crazy and/or full of sh*t. It's much easier to hide this in a real life situation because people are blinded by physical attraction and charisma. That's how women end up married to wife beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings. On the internet all you are presented with is someone's thoughts. If their thinking is abnormal or inconsistent it becomes apparent very quickly in my experience especially since there is a written record. You just have to assess what's being said with a critical mind and investigate the inconsistencies. This is a new thought for me, interesting! So what you mean is that it can be easier to capture and seduce someone in real life than on the net? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basicamenteyo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 If she exists at all in RL oh come on!!! of course she exists!!! she is the one taking care of Gertrude when he is on tour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I was referring to how it seemed the tight deadline had made the tone of the piece more rushed than his writing usually seems. Since so many other people had already commented on it, I didn't want to belabor the point. Ah okay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basicamenteyo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Ah okay! improving english every day uh?? i love this site Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IngievV Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I smelled a slight drama in this thread and felt it was absolutely necessary I came and marched in:mf_rosetinted: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basicamenteyo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I smelled a slight drama in this thread and felt it was absolutely necessary I came and marched in:mf_rosetinted: no contributions?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IngievV Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 no contributions?? No, I let others do the talking while I might at times add fuel to the fire if I find it necessary. Which is not the case here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Normally I'd have a lot to say on this subject but some stuff I read here just made me angry a little bit Anyway, the theme of this column wasn't abuse so can we maybe shift the focus to the actual blog and the online dating/reality again? Going off topic is always nice but this is something completely different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Rivers, no-one is saying that anyone deserves to be abused. An abusive relationship is a horrible one, whether it be physical, emotional or mental. Emotional and mental abuse is much harder to identify and much harder to recognise. The people who are getting abused are not stupid; they are trapped in their own home, their own relationship, and their own mind. The abused person may end up believing that they are worthless and ugly, others may know that they are worth more but if they've been threatened to be killed, have their children killed or have their family killed if they dare go to the police, things get very tricky. Therefore the abuse gets prolonged not because the abused person is "stupid", but because they've put other people's care before themselves which results in putting themselves in a very horrid situation. Therefore, it is not always easy to stand up for yourself, or to have "seen it coming" or "to have put a stop to it." I suppose some people can love too blindly. But I don't think it's stupidity, just unfortunate. Not everyone is courageous. If someone's pointing a gun to your head and threatening to pull the trigger do you fight back or sit there crying and hoping you don't die? Everyone is absolutely different as well as their reactions and the way they think things through. Some people are born strong. It takes time to build up courage for others. After all, one cannot be helped if they don't help themselves. In most cases it's never the abused person's fault that they've been abused and of course the abuser's actions get questioned: A lot of them go to court y'know. As for asking why the abused person did nothing about it, they're not necessarily accusing them of doing the wrong thing or being stupid, but because a lot of their friends or family wished that they could have helped and supported their friend in their time of need. I know that if my friend phoned me up out of the blue and said her boyfriend had been abusing her for years and has now been put away with a pending court hearing (or whatever), I'd be A) horrified and B) ask why she never told me until now. It's because I care and want to understand why she felt she couldn't talk to anyone. Was she threatened? Did she believe what he has told her, did she truly feel worthless and her life pointless? Was she ashamed? But of course I'd like to question the abuser too, especially as they weren't who I thought they were. I'd be absolutely furious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Normally I'd have a lot to say on this subject but some stuff I read here just made me angry a little bit Anyway, the theme of this column wasn't abuse so can we maybe shift the focus to the actual blog and the online dating/reality again? Going off topic is always nice but this is something completely different. Alright then, sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Alright then, sorry Anyway.... Soooo, online dating huh, anyone still have an opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Anyway.... Soooo, online dating huh, anyone still have an opinion? so long as it's all done sensibly, why not? Hey, I've already posted my opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basicamenteyo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 No, I let others do the talking while I might at times add fuel to the fire if I find it necessary. Which is not the case here. woah,you missed all the fun like me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atreyu Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 No, I let others do the talking while I might at times add fuel to the fire if I find it necessary. Which is not the case here. +1 is quite entertaining and educational...in mi case Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IngievV Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 +1is quite entertaining and educational...in mi case I so wish they'd still air Jerry Springer:roftl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 improving english every day uh?? i love this site Oh yeah! Best English teacher ever. Sorry if this is off topic, I had some things to say about abuse et cetera but I won't. How much is there to say about Internet dating? Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I so wish they'd still air Jerry Springer:roftl: Ooohh, that's been a while.. How many years back was that? Did you watch ricki lake? Oh yeah! Best English teacher ever. Sorry if this is off topic, I had some things to say about abuse et cetera but I won't. How much is there to say about Internet dating? Just a thought. Well, is the mikafanclub news section the right place to have long discussions about something as delicate as abuse? I personally don't think so but I could just be the only one of course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atreyu Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I so wish they'd still air Jerry Springer:roftl: oh noooo!! don't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm not a fan of arranged marriages AT ALL, but I also know a few people who have been in them. Some people I work with, basically. It's funny cause these guys are born and bred here, but they are very much from their culture (Bangladesh and Pakistan, in the cases that I know) and so they are forced by their family traditions to marry someone of the family's choice.In these cases that I know they call them 'introduced' as opposed to arranged (just to make it sound more acceptable, I suppose) and they say that the family found the partner and then they met a few times, and they agreed to go on with the wedding. They all say that they can decide, but when there was only 6 months between meeting their bride for the first date and the actual big wedding, I don't see how that would work . In any case, they all seem to happily plod along and lead an otherwise 'normal' life. I find it very weird. These guys went to uni here and were going around getting drunk, smoking pot and shagging whoever they found was willing, and then they ended up in this really old fashioned marriage. To us it's weird, it just is. But it wasn't so many years ago when Sweden was a agriculture community and marriages where arranged to keep property well protected. Or whatever the reason was? I hope their partners are equally happy with the situation! I heard a radio interview today with a Swedish-Iranian comedian, when she got the question: How was your teenage years? She answered: I was in an arranged married, knocked up, and miserable! Her site: http://www.kometkomedi.com/english.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I smelled a slight drama in this thread and felt it was absolutely necessary I came and marched in:mf_rosetinted: Love ya! Anyway.... Soooo, online dating huh, anyone still have an opinion? Soooo after reading some of that, anyone still have the will to live? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAK1 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I so wish they'd still air Jerry Springer:roftl: We have Jeremy Kyle here now. He's dire! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Well, is the mikafanclub news section the right place to have long discussions about something as delicate as abuse? I personally don't think so but I could just be the only one of course No, of course you're right, it isn't. The thing is though, this place is a bit dull right now and it's interesting to have something to read when you log in. I don't want to abandon the place completely, I just have to know if there is something going on in Mika-land! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzie Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 There are still a lot of posts I need to catch up on from last night, so I'm sorry for the seemingly random selection - most of you must have moved on by now: I don't believe however, that Mika was actually referring to his fans. It simply reminded me of the way a lot of people have expressed over the years that they feel about Mika. yes, I'm sure he did not have his fans or ideas about fandom on his mind when he wrote that part. However, the same analogy can applied to it, IMO. I really don't believe Mika thinks about us that much or plants passive aggressive hints aimed at his fans in random Italian magazine columns. He has other things going on in his life and occupying his thoughts, I'm sure. yes. In fact, I can now remember some hinting on MFC that Mika was aiming certain general comments in earlier blogs / interviews / tweets at fans ... It actually confirms my earlier theory that certain people really believe fans play a similarly important role in Mika's life as he does in theirs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Soooo after reading some of that, anyone still have the will to live? The will to live, I think so... The will to online date however... How about a date!? No, of course you're right, it isn't. The thing is though, this place is a bit dull right now and it's interesting to have something to read when you log in. I don't want to abandon the place completely, I just have to know if there is something going on in Mika-land! Absolutely true! And I love reading these discussions, really, you learn more about the other members. I just would hate to think someone gets hurt when such a delicate matter becomes the subject of a heated discussion. It wasn't yet but I saw some warning signs so tried to get it back to the more lighthearted original subject Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzie Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 ok, finished reading now... Anyway, the theme of this column wasn't abuse so can we maybe shift the focus to the actual blog and the online dating/reality again? Going off topic is always nice but this is something completely different. Yes, getting hurt by comments no-one ever made is different, although definitely not new to MFC. I'm glad it was clarified eventually. I love reading these discussions, really, you learn more about the other members. I just would hate to think someone gets hurt when such a delicate matter becomes the subject of a heated discussion. It wasn't yet but I saw some warning signs so tried to get it back to the more lighthearted original subject Well, the original post mentioned that abusers were probably more easily identified on the net because of their track record and the written clues they leave. However, there are always gullible people who believe anything they are told whether on the net or in real life. It does not mean that they are to blame. It is the abuser to blame, of course. All one can do is guide people in avoiding similar situations but you cannot think or act for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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