crazyaboutmika Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 oh!! i agree!! i was just mocking roxane!!!! :aah: I know sweetie but I took the opportunity to speak out my feelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IngievV Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Everyone who says looks don't matter are liars. Of course Mika finds looks important. I'm quite sure that someone who spends so much time on his own personal grooming, won't want to walk next to a scruffy person. That said, online dating can be good, my dad and stepmother met each other through online dating and have been married for 10 years already. Needless to say it can go wrong though, as it's easy to pretend your someone else on the internet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAK1 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yes :roftl: Yep, I totally agree. The way I see it, the internet and RL are not mutually exclusive at all. In fact they complement eachother beautifully. Internet IS part of RL for many people these days, and I think that it's something to be embraced and treasured. I'm sure that he's looks oriented to some degree, like most people. He's only human. The fact that he puts effort into his own looks, and that he worries that he looks ugly/fat/whatnot, shows IMO that he does find looks important. Exactly Seriously now, I L-O-V-E-D this column. I totally, completely and utterly loved it. I found myself agreeing with him on most of what he said, and also really enjoying the way he is being so candid and open and realistic about the whole thing without worrying about being too pc or socially acceptable or whatever. I thought that it was a very refreshing and 'real' piece. One thing that I didn't agree with though is with his views on his Myspace relationship being classed as 'internet dating'. Yeah he met this person via Myspace, but it was just a way in which a stranger got in touch to ask him for a date, and then the relationship was conducted offline It's not much different to meeting someone through a blind date set up by friends for example, or by very briefly meeting them on the street or in a bar, etc... Sure one has not seen the other person face to face in this case, but really, a short first meeting with someone in most social circumstances doesn't really provide much info other than just feeding our senses with some attraction. And, really, if we go solely on physical attraction and we don't look at any other aspect of the other person, the chances of a potential relationship taking off the ground are close to zero. Now speaking of 'proper' online dating, as in, meeting someone through a dating site, where people sign up with that only purpose and potential couples chat to eachother and finally meet up in RL, is shown by research to be a very efficient way to meet a partner. Far more efficient than actually meeting someone randomly on the street, a bar, etc... The reason for this is that it's a bit like a job application: people are vetoing and selecting potential partners based on compatibility traits, and the time and energy wasted on the 'wrong candidates' is minimal, thanks to the readily available 'shortlisting' capability of these sites. In short, you may see someone in a bar or at the gym that you like the look of, but the chances of that particular person being interested in you AND compatible with you are pretty minimal. You multiply your chances of success by a lot by doing this process online, as you can very quickly separate the chaffe from the wheat, and then meet in RL the ones that you are confident have a high chance or success. Of course then the relationship will have to run its course in the same way that any other relationship would, but at least you have established a lot of common ground before that, and you have a higher certainty of the fact that this person is not totally wrong for you. I have never used online dating myself before, but I do have some good friends who have married people who they met online, and are very happy. Incidentally, these people were all quite 'eligible' in general terms (smart, attractive,educated,good work,etc) and didn't have trouble meeting people in RL, but they found that it was hard to meet that special person that they totally connected with, and in their case internet dating was the way to go. True it may be convenient, and in this day and age, less time consuming to quickly fill out a form online, and pick someone from the list to go and meet with basic info to go on. But it's so impersonal, and if you meet someone in a bar you could get the same info chatting to them, and arrange a proper date for a later time. I just find online dating a bit cold and, you don't really know who you are going to meet, as I said earlier, they could be using fake pics to get you interested, and could be putting any old nonsense down to get your attention. At least meeting someone intially in person, you can tell by their body language, or general demenour, whether they are being genuine with you or not, and you can either arrange a date or tell them your not interested. I'm just not a fan of it I'm afraid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaMariaPetra Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Everyone who says looks don't matter are liars. Of course Mika finds looks important. I'm quite sure that someone who spends so much time on his own personal grooming, won't want to walk next to a scruffy person. That said, online dating can be good, my dad and stepmother met each other through online dating and have been married for 10 years already. Needless to say it can go wrong though, as it's easy to pretend your someone else on the internet. ahem...... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1044011/Pacing-pavements-Mika-hits-town-beautiful-big-girl-Adele.html (I must add this: I love Adele, this comment is kind of joking) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sariflor Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 True it may be convenient, and in this day and age, less time consuming to quickly fill out a form online, and pick someone from the list to go and meet with basic info to go on. But it's so impersonal, and if you meet someone in a bar you could get the same info chatting to them, and arrange a proper date for a later time.I just find online dating a bit cold and, you don't really know who you are going to meet, as I said earlier, they could be using fake pics to get you interested, and could be putting any old nonsense down to get your attention. At least meeting someone intially in person, you can tell by their body language, or general demenour, whether they are being genuine with you or not, and you can either arrange a date or tell them your not interested. I'm just not a fan of it I'm afraid. Yes, people could be lying and pretending to be someone else using fake pictures, but everyone knows that if their aim is to meet someone, they will end up having to see the other person in RL and the game will be up, so it's pointless to hide behind lies I'm sure that the odd person will do that, but I don't think that a majority will do. Also on the whole 'not knowing' the other person, this totally depends on how you play it. These sites allow you to speak to the other person via emails, or even IM type chats, and then you can phone or skype them if you like, to get a feel of them before you meet in person...of course you're missing out on that first hand body language, etc, but at least when you get to the stage of meeting them and checking the body language you will already know if they are a bit compatible with you. No amount of body language and 'chemistry' when you briefly meet someone in RL for the first time will tell you if you have a lot in common, and how things will go in the long run. I'm not saying that people should not meet partners in RL and use online sites instead, but saying that it's a perfectly valid means of meeting partners, and that it doesn't necessarily need to be worse at all than meeting people in RL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 My favourite quote The fact that I knew so much about the person before going on a single date, accelerated the relationship. All this information made me think I would be with that person for a long time. It enabled me to become close, even obsessed very quickly. What I didn’t understand was that knowing more about the other person didn’t make me a more suitable partner and I should have been more guarded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trix the Mubbin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 My favourite quote I wonder why. Ah, we all do it subconsiously, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I wonder why. Ah, we all do it subconsiously, eh? That was not exactly my point, but still... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trix the Mubbin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 That was not exactly my point, but still... Not EXACTLYYYYYYY. but part of iiitttt. I read between the lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atreyu Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 aaw I really enjoyed it! I like him anlyzing this kind of things that I see so common and don't think too much of them I've read it.It's good, I love this sentence: "Where our pictures were always better than the reality and our words typed always more entertaining than the ones spoken" It's not very special but it's so true +1 .. so I'm guessing that other coffee wasn't for the brunette, huh? *cough**cough* better looking guy *cough**cough* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FralovesMika Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Once again a little different from the italian version, aaahhhh can never be calm with this guy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAK1 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yes, people could be lying and pretending to be someone else using fake pictures, but everyone knows that if their aim is to meet someone, they will end up having to see the other person in RL and the game will be up, so it's pointless to hide behind lies I'm sure that the odd person will do that, but I don't think that a majority will do. Also on the whole 'not knowing' the other person, this totally depends on how you play it. These sites allow you to speak to the other person via emails, or even IM type chats, and then you can phone or skype them if you like, to get a feel of them before you meet in person...of course you're missing out on that first hand body language, etc, but at least when you get to the stage of meeting them and checking the body language you will already know if they are a bit compatible with you. No amount of body language and 'chemistry' when you briefly meet someone in RL for the first time will tell you if you have a lot in common, and how things will go in the long run. I'm not saying that people should not meet partners in RL and use online sites instead, but saying that it's a perfectly valid means of meeting partners, and that it doesn't necessarily need to be worse at all than meeting people in RL. My favourite quote The fact that I knew so much about the person before going on a single date, accelerated the relationship. All this information made me think I would be with that person for a long time. It enabled me to become close, even obsessed very quickly. What I didn’t understand was that knowing more about the other person didn’t make me a more suitable partner and I should have been more guarded. For me, this kind of highlights, a very good point, that you can have all this information under your belt, and even have spoken on the phone, but until you actually meet the person face to face, you can't really know that you'll be really, totally compatible. Good for those that have done it, and had success with it, but it is a big risk, and a lot of time and effort put in, which could be wasted if, when you do finally meet, and have the date, you find there is no real spark there. If people meet online, become friends, hang out in RL and it happens for them down the line, THAT I would say is true success, but the whole going online to meet "the one", I don't find appealing. Much rather meet them face to face first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Of course it's possible to meet people online on sites other than dating sites. Take this site for instance. A lot of us have become good real life friends, but most of us chatted online for a good while before we met. If I met someone for the first time in a pub or club, I wouldn't have that luxury. I don't see the problem, it's just an extention of the traditional ways of meeting people, we are lucky we have the choice. Times change, so what. It's also horses for courses, some people won't like the method, so fair enough, don't use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 What's wrong with internet dating? Well, I wouldn't recommend doing it as a teenager because it's one way for paedophiles to target you But if you're a responsible adult then why not? My best friend met his boyfriend on an online gay site (He's actually met several people from the internet, but whenever he met up with anyone he took a friend with him and so did the other person. Safety in numbers, you know) and they've been together for 3 years and even live in a penthouse flat now. It works for some and not for others. So what about meeting people from the net in general? Look at the MFC. I've met LOADS of people from this site in real life and am in regular contact with some (both physically and on the net) so what's the difference? Look at Sasje and Leator for example; they met on MFC and now they're engaged. Internet dating could be beneficial for those who work strange or long hours. Some people don't have time to go pub-hopping in the hopes of meeting someone across the bar or on the dance floor. I'm not sure if internet dating is something you can knock unless you've personally tried it. As for looks and personality, I don't think one is more important than the other, but rather equal. Who wants to go out with someone who resembles a Greek God but with the personality of a fish, or something with as much charm and charisma as Prince Charming himself but with looks that resemble a brick wall? Chemistry isn't just about the physical aspect, it's about having a spark personality wise too. I truly think they go hand-in-hand. I knew a guy who liked me and who could make me laugh till the cows came home but I just wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I've also been physically attracted to some men but never really had anything in common with them either. As for "you get to know someone more in real life rather than on the net", to a certain extent I agree. People can hide behind the internet but I've known people to be complete dicks in real life too. Take my ex boyfriend for example; he "loved" and "doted" on me for 2 years before I agreed to get with him and then he turned out to be a total penis. You can never really tell with anyone, virtually or in the real world. There are honest people and there are backstabbers and you're gonna meet them one way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You can never really tell with anyone, virtually or in the real world. There are honest people and there are backstabbers and you're gonna meet them one way or another. I totally agree, you never ever really know anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAK1 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 What's wrong with internet dating? Well, I wouldn't recommend doing it as a teenager because it's one way for paedophiles to target you But if you're a responsible adult then why not? My best friend met his boyfriend on an online gay site (He's actually met several people from the internet, but whenever he met up with anyone he took a friend with him and so did the other person. Safety in numbers, you know) and they've been together for 3 years and even live in a penthouse flat now. It works for some and not for others. So what about meeting people from the net in general? Look at the MFC. I've met LOADS of people from this site in real life and am in regular contact with some (both physically and on the net) so what's the difference? Look at Sasje and Leator for example; they met on MFC and now they're engaged. Internet dating could be beneficial for those who work strange or long hours. Some people don't have time to go pub-hopping in the hopes of meeting someone across the bar or on the dance floor. I'm not sure if internet dating is something you can knock unless you've personally tried it. As for looks and personality, I don't think one is more important than the other, but rather equal. Who wants to go out with someone who resembles a Greek God but with the personality of a fish, or something with as much charm and charisma as Prince Charming himself but with looks that resemble a brick wall? Chemistry isn't just about the physical aspect, it's about having a spark personality wise too. I truly think they go hand-in-hand. I knew a guy who liked me and who could make me laugh till the cows came home but I just wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I've also been physically attracted to some men but never really had anything in common with them either. As for "you get to know someone more in real life rather than on the net", to a certain extent I agree. People can hide behind the internet but I've known people to be complete dicks in real life too. Take my ex boyfriend for example; he "loved" and "doted" on me for 2 years before I agreed to get with him and then he turned out to be a total penis. You can never really tell with anyone, virtually or in the real world. There are honest people and there are backstabbers and you're gonna meet them one way or another. I loved that bit, it made me chuckle:naughty: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I loved that bit, it made me chuckle:naughty: And no-one likes a flop, either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I totally agree, you never ever really know anyone. Yep. In fact, I don't even know who YOU are. Have we met? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yep. In fact, I don't even know who YOU are. Have we met? Yes, I am the nice kind one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yes, I am the nice kind one. Oh awesome, you can be my new BFF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sariflor Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 The fact that I knew so much about the person before going on a single date, accelerated the relationship. All this information made me think I would be with that person for a long time. It enabled me to become close, even obsessed very quickly. What I didn’t understand was that knowing more about the other person didn’t make me a more suitable partner and I should have been more guarded. For me, this kind of highlights, a very good point, that you can have all this information under your belt, and even have spoken on the phone, but until you actually meet the person face to face, you can't really know that you'll be really, totally compatible. Good for those that have done it, and had success with it, but it is a big risk, and a lot of time and effort put in, which could be wasted if, when you do finally meet, and have the date, you find there is no real spark there. If people meet online, become friends, hang out in RL and it happens for them down the line, THAT I would say is true success, but the whole going online to meet "the one", I don't find appealing. Much rather meet them face to face first. The problem with the bit of column that you highlight there did not lie on the fact that Mika knew a lot about that other person before he met them, but rather on his approach to the relationship and how he interpreted the info. Or rather, how he let this information affect him and his behaviour with the other person. Also on the scenario that you talk of, meeting someone online and become friends, then meet in RL, that is exactly what people are doing on these sites. It's not like they meet for a date after chatting on the net and they are meeting to arrange the details of their impending nuptials . They meet online, establish a friendship if they believe that the other person could be the type that they would get on with, and then meet to start knowing what the other person is like. It's not a substitute to RL dating or getting to know people; It's merely an add-on. Like Bab said: we have all these resources, why not use them. Anyway Rose, I'm not trying to convince you to join a dating site . Merely illustrating that it's not really a fact that you know people better from a short meeting in RL than if you met them via another channel. What's wrong with internet dating? Well, I wouldn't recommend doing it as a teenager because it's one way for paedophiles to target you But if you're a responsible adult then why not? My best friend met his boyfriend on an online gay site (He's actually met several people from the internet, but whenever he met up with anyone he took a friend with him and so did the other person. Safety in numbers, you know) and they've been together for 3 years and even live in a penthouse flat now. It works for some and not for others. So what about meeting people from the net in general? Look at the MFC. I've met LOADS of people from this site in real life and am in regular contact with some (both physically and on the net) so what's the difference? Look at Sasje and Leator for example; they met on MFC and now they're engaged. Internet dating could be beneficial for those who work strange or long hours. Some people don't have time to go pub-hopping in the hopes of meeting someone across the bar or on the dance floor. I'm not sure if internet dating is something you can knock unless you've personally tried it. As for looks and personality, I don't think one is more important than the other, but rather equal. Who wants to go out with someone who resembles a Greek God but with the personality of a fish, or something with as much charm and charisma as Prince Charming himself but with looks that resemble a brick wall? Chemistry isn't just about the physical aspect, it's about having a spark personality wise too. I truly think they go hand-in-hand. I knew a guy who liked me and who could make me laugh till the cows came home but I just wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I've also been physically attracted to some men but never really had anything in common with them either. As for "you get to know someone more in real life rather than on the net", to a certain extent I agree. People can hide behind the internet but I've known people to be complete dicks in real life too. Take my ex boyfriend for example; he "loved" and "doted" on me for 2 years before I agreed to get with him and then he turned out to be a total penis. You can never really tell with anyone, virtually or in the real world. There are honest people and there are backstabbers and you're gonna meet them one way or another. Yes, and it will take a while to figure them out, whether you met them in RL or online. People don't walk around with a sign that reads "I'm an arsehole" hanging round their necks, so it will take some time of knowing someone in RL to know that they are one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreamy_Queen Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Mika has made me to think about one thing that i hadn't realized. All these social sites are teaching me to communicate with people and behave in a way that will be handy in RL. In RL i am too polite and hate conflicts. When i started to use social sites (e.g. we have Vkontakte, smth like fb) i accepted any friendship request even if i didn't know these people, just in order to be polite. Now i prefer to click Ignore and choose for myself with whom to communicate. I'm more mature now, and i can see that in my RL i use many skills that I acquired in Internet. Life would be much more boring without Internet. When some people say that i would communicate with people face to face, i say no - I would spend the time just reading books, sitting at home anyway. So Internet really connects people, and not only due to meeting many new friends. My RL friend are busy if I am free, and I am busy when they are free. So instead of loosing contact we can chat at night in Internet!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 People don't walk around with a sign that reads "I'm an arsehole" hanging round their necks, so it will take some time of knowing someone in RL to know that they are one Exactly. We have a new girl at work who started two weeks ago. She keeps saying to me how nice this person is and how nice that person is when I know they are a complete arsehole. It will take some time for her to learn this, but she will. We are taking chances with every relationship we have, whether it started online or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Try the other way around? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Try the other way around? What, that I am the arsehole? True, I can be, but only with other arseholes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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