crazyaboutmika Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Sure, but it causes confusion if you don't, especially when you make such a vague statement like "Try the other way round? :fisch:" I mean...try *what* the other way round? I often reply without quoting - too eager to get my comment in Vagueness. Not vaguery, but it was a very cute new word Rose:naughty: at least i see now where we are heading Very nice exploration of the difference between information and intimacy. Good to know Mika has some wisdom to go along with all that whimsy Thank you Rivers for actually posting about Mika's column I think we all need new Mika songs soon to keep us busy and happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krjsantos Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 What's wrong with internet dating? Well, I wouldn't recommend doing it as a teenager because it's one way for paedophiles to target you But if you're a responsible adult then why not? My best friend met his boyfriend on an online gay site (He's actually met several people from the internet, but whenever he met up with anyone he took a friend with him and so did the other person. Safety in numbers, you know) and they've been together for 3 years and even live in a penthouse flat now. It works for some and not for others. So what about meeting people from the net in general? Look at the MFC. I've met LOADS of people from this site in real life and am in regular contact with some (both physically and on the net) so what's the difference? Look at Sasje and Leator for example; they met on MFC and now they're engaged. Internet dating could be beneficial for those who work strange or long hours. Some people don't have time to go pub-hopping in the hopes of meeting someone across the bar or on the dance floor. I'm not sure if internet dating is something you can knock unless you've personally tried it. As for looks and personality, I don't think one is more important than the other, but rather equal. Who wants to go out with someone who resembles a Greek God but with the personality of a fish, or something with as much charm and charisma as Prince Charming himself but with looks that resemble a brick wall? Chemistry isn't just about the physical aspect, it's about having a spark personality wise too. I truly think they go hand-in-hand. I knew a guy who liked me and who could make me laugh till the cows came home but I just wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I've also been physically attracted to some men but never really had anything in common with them either. As for "you get to know someone more in real life rather than on the net", to a certain extent I agree. People can hide behind the internet but I've known people to be complete dicks in real life too. Take my ex boyfriend for example; he "loved" and "doted" on me for 2 years before I agreed to get with him and then he turned out to be a total penis. You can never really tell with anyone, virtually or in the real world. There are honest people and there are backstabbers and you're gonna meet them one way or another. Caz I really appreciate your words well said Clearly and with starting points that I completely agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I often reply without quoting - too eager to get my comment in Sorry for the delay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guylainem123 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thank you Rivers for actually posting about Mika's column I think we all need new Mika songs soon to keep us busy and happy so we could say..... so anyhow.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 at least i see now where we are heading Joking, JOKING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guylainem123 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Joking, JOKING! oh you don't have to keep going, the first smilie made it quite clear. those smilies are international Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyaboutmika Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 My pleasure I have been on the edge of my seat for this since the Italian went up last week. I was so excited to finally get to see it. Totally worth the wait I like the way he contrasted expectations with experience and gave examples that spark thoughtful discussion and debate. He left it up to the readers to make up their own minds about how these issues affect them. It's a good piece of writing, though a bit hasty. I'm so happy to read his words as he wrote them ...I printed it right away so I could keep it and read it again even if the computer's off ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeiRe Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 oh you don't have to keep going, the first smilie made it quite clear. those smilies are international You never know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Droopsy Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 So, about the blog... I think it's my favorite so far. I started to multiquote but it becomes such a mess in the end About online dating, even though I have not been tempted to go that route I can clearly understand why people do. There are plenty of reasons I'm sure: friends have moved on, got married, started a family... whilst you were busy with your career, studies or just weren't looking at the time. Well, I bet it isn't much fun to go out by yourself, going to bars etc. every week to find a possible partner. And that is a big "possible". Even if you're attracted to someone at first sight and vice versa (because let's face it these first encounters are based solely on that) who says you'll like the rest. I understand wanting to have a spark but that is not everything. It's happened that I started to like someone when seeing what type of person they were, whereas they didn't interest me at all at first. So I assume this happens to most people. To me it seems like a much harder "job" to do this barhopping or whatever thing than to search for a potential candidate online. I get why people find it a bit scary but TBH I think the risks are exactly the same as IRL. People are still people whether they are online or not, they're real human beings behind those computers. You'll always have the charming, smooth talking guy or girl with the not so pure intentions. Yes they'll be on these dating sites but you can be sure they'll be hitting you up in bars as well Maybe it's even easier to see through that when chatting online than when you're already swooning over them IRL. I also get the feeling people are pickier when dating online than they would be IRL. They actually do a targeted search instead of leaving it up to fate (or the choice of bar...). I think it's important to know what you want first before venturing for it on the WWW though. Especially with the paid sites I think you can be somewhat reassured that these people are serious about their quest. I don't know how this is in other age groups, other cultures or even just other social circles, but I have the feeling online dating is still a huge taboo over here. I think a lot of people still see the internet and all people on it as sort of not real/scary/dangerous. Because why would they be online if they had a real life right? Well wrong I do agree very much about what Mika says there. The internet IS part of our reality and part of our reality is on the internet. Though I still prefer to keep as much hidden as possible!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) Firstly, I should say that my experience in matters of internet dating is nonexistent .. because in couple for 19 years .. when the Internet did not exist! Even if this does not make me the best person to talk, I'll give you my opinion anyway... For me, Internet is just a tool, a recent, efficient, easy and most of the time free way to meet people as can be nightclubs, cafes and bars. But at a time when we are increasingly busy and when social conventions make it not easy to make new relationship, we should not deprive ourselves of it. But perhaps because of its impersonal side but probably also because it is a trend of our time, everything on internet is about image and appearance. Image you give of yourself and image you perceive of the other. It is necessarily partial ... (we are all well placed to know it as fans) On internet, we tend to give the best image of ourselves or at least we control what we want to give.. like we post the best pictures as Mika says in one of his sentences. Then of course, this image should necessarily be confronted with the reality .. if only to verify that chemistry works .. And IMO, it's as true for relations between potential partners than for friendships. But ultimately, is it so different from the image you're trying to give of ourselves also during a first date in RL? ... I don't think so.. The most important thing to me either in RL or on the Internet is the time. Only the test of time can really help you to discover if the relationship has a chance to term or not and if one is made for each other. Even though ... it's without considering the personal evolution of people.. And about the tons of data found on the net, it has for sure the effect to accelerate the relationship but it takes away the charm of the discovery and can also disturbed it when those information have been found when the other's back is turned.. Anyway, Internet is now part of our life in all fields .. there is no reason that love escapes to it and it will be difficult to resist but this should remain a tool, a facilitator of RL I hope a progress .. as the dishwasher has been one in the 80's Edited February 10, 2011 by francoise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Like Droopsy I'm not going to bother with a messy multi quote but I am going to quote myself because I picked up on what Leire was talking about even before seeing the original. I just did a kind and fine translation and found this paragraph interesting as it reminds me of how fans often see him... I imagine that the Internet has changed the very dynamics of courtship. All that they do not mean to do it with everyone, which I did not understand the first time. Knowing a lot of first person with whom I went to meet her for the first time has accelerated the report. It made me think that we'd been together a long time. I did move early in intimacy, I was even obsessed. I understood that to know a lot of the other does not necessarily mean to be more suitable as a partner and I should be more cautious. I don't believe however, that Mika was actually referring to his fans. It simply reminded me of the way a lot of people have expressed over the years that they feel about Mika. I really don't believe Mika thinks about us that much or plants passive aggressive hints aimed at his fans in random Italian magazine columns. He has other things going on in his life and occupying his thoughts, I'm sure. Anyway I think it's normal for people to become captivated by the two-dimensional Mika in interviews and photographs when they first discover him. Anyone who claims they have never been infatuated with the Mika image even though they've been posting on MFC for years, is only fooling themselves and not the rest of us. With only a few exceptions it seems once people are exposed to Mika directly or even through stories from others, they tend to become a little more realistic and give up on the idea that he would make their ideal mate or the best friend they've ever had. I do find it amusing that there seems to be a constant hunt to prove that no fan in the world knows Mika at all. Because the only way you could possibly know whether that is in fact the case is if you knew Mika yourself. About Mika's attraction to looks...I thought he said he was more interested in someone's style than their physical features per se. So he's not saying he is not affected by aesthetics and would date any old slob. About the internet thing. I find the internet is a far better way to suss people out, especially if they are crazy and/or full of sh*t. It's much easier to hide this in a real life situation because people are blinded by physical attraction and charisma. That's how women end up married to wife beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings. On the internet all you are presented with is someone's thoughts. If their thinking is abnormal or inconsistent it becomes apparent very quickly in my experience especially since there is a written record. You just have to assess what's being said with a critical mind and investigate the inconsistencies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krjsantos Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Like Droopsy I'm not going to bother with a messy multi quote but I am going to quote myself because I picked up on what Leire was talking about even before seeing the original. I don't believe however, that Mika was actually referring to his fans. It simply reminded me of the way a lot of people have expressed over the years that they feel about Mika. I really don't believe Mika thinks about us that much or plants passive aggressive hints aimed at his fans in random Italian magazine columns. He has other things going on in his life and occupying his thoughts, I'm sure. Anyway I think it's normal for people to become captivated by the two-dimensional Mika in interviews and photographs when they first discover him. Anyone who claims they have never been infatuated with the Mika image even though they've been posting on MFC for years, is only fooling themselves and not the rest of us. With only a few exceptions it seems once people are exposed to Mika directly or even through stories from others, they tend to become a little more realistic and give up on the idea that he would make their ideal mate or the best friend they've ever had. I do find it amusing that there seems to be a constant hunt to prove that no fan in the world knows Mika at all. Because the only way you could possibly know whether that is in fact the case is if you knew Mika yourself. About Mika's attraction to looks...I thought he said he was more interested in someone's style than their physical features per se. So he's not saying he is not affected by aesthetics and would date any old slob. About the internet thing. I find the internet is a far better way to suss people out, especially if they are crazy and/or full of sh*t. It's much easier to hide this in a real life situation because people are blinded by physical attraction and charisma. That's how women end up married to wife beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings. On the internet all you are presented with is someone's thoughts. If their thinking is abnormal or inconsistent it becomes apparent very quickly in my experience especially since there is a written record. You just have to assess what's being said with a critical mind and investigate the inconsistencies. Yes Cris I totally agree with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) I don't believe however, that Mika was actually referring to his fans. It simply reminded me of the way a lot of people have expressed over the years that they feel about Mika. I really don't believe Mika thinks about us that much or plants passive aggressive hints aimed at his fans in random Italian magazine columns. He has other things going on in his life and occupying his thoughts, I'm sure. Anyway I think it's normal for people to become captivated by the two-dimensional Mika in interviews and photographs when they first discover him. Anyone who claims they have never been infatuated with the Mika image even though they've been posting on MFC for years, is only fooling themselves and not the rest of us. With only a few exceptions it seems once people are exposed to Mika directly or even through stories from others, they tend to become a little more realistic and give up on the idea that he would make their ideal mate or the best friend they've ever had. I do find it amusing that there seems to be a constant hunt to prove that no fan in the world knows Mika at all. Because the only way you could possibly know whether that is in fact the case is if you knew Mika yourself. About Mika's attraction to looks...I thought he said he was more interested in someone's style than their physical features per se. So he's not saying he is not affected by aesthetics and would date any old slob. About the internet thing. I find the internet is a far better way to suss people out, especially if they are crazy and/or full of sh*t. It's much easier to hide this in a real life situation because people are blinded by physical attraction and charisma. That's how women end up married to wife beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings. On the internet all you are presented with is someone's thoughts. If their thinking is abnormal or inconsistent it becomes apparent very quickly in my experience especially since there is a written record. You just have to assess what's being said with a critical mind and investigate the inconsistencies. I totally agree on the part about Mika and fans' attitude but not on your last paragraph. I tend to think that the reality confronts us to many unexpected and realistic situations that require you to show you and ACT as you really are. But not internet. Actually, internet relationships are just discussions, thoughts as you said, and will never replace live reactions "on the spot"...facing anger, frustration or difficulty for instance Then for sure, internet can help you to make a first selection. I'm still convince that it's much easier to hide a part of your real personnality on internet but join you on the necessity to keep critical mind in every relationship. In the two cases you are talking about (wife married to beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings), I'm quite sure that RL gives also enough clues to identify this kind of problems in advance. Those who don't use those clues for running away are people who do not want or can not want to see them. There is no reason they would do something different with internet. Edited February 10, 2011 by francoise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 (edited) Abuse is not something that happens because an attractive person tricked a gullible person. It is not something that happens because someone chose to ignore the warning signs and go along with it anyway. These comments unintentionally imply that it is the victim's fault because they were too stupid to know better. If only the victim had paid more attention. If only the victim had been more aware. If only the victim had... People don't get abused because they are too stupid/gullible/emotionally involved to avoid it. People get abused because someone chooses to abuse them. Sorry if I have hurt you with my comment. It was absolutely not my intention. Far away from me the idea of thinking or spreading that if this kind of abuses happens, it is the victim's fault. I don't think it and I didn't wrote it. I can't agree more when you say that if people get abused it's because someone chooses to abuse them. It's clear and simple! When I wrote about "people who do not want or can not see", I meant that is indeed something very complicated and IMO not controlled by the victim. I'm also touched very closely by this subject then please, believe in my good intentions. I don't want to start a polemical on a such important matter and hope this topic will end up here. Once again, sorry if my words have been misunderstood. Then, go back to a lighthearted discussion Edited February 10, 2011 by francoise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 It is not something that happens because someone chose to ignore the warning signs and go along with it anyway. That is exactly why it happens. Why is it that some people are consistently abused and others never? Bad luck? People get abused because someone chooses to abuse them. So a woman is just walking down the street minding her own business and someone kidnaps her, forces her to get married and starts beating her? Is that how it happens? We are living in a free society and the vast majority of women enter into romantic relationships voluntarily, not by force. Are you saying that during this phase of voluntary participation in the relationship that there are never signs? No overprotectiveness? No excessive jealousy? No demonstrated desire to control? No angry outbursts? Nowhere did I say that anyone is stupid. Just that it's easier to be persuaded that someone is good if they look like and play act like they are a good person on the surface. May we please keep this lighthearted discussion lighthearted? I thought it was until you started accusing me and Francoise of blaming victims of abuse and calling them stupid. :rolls_eyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
basicamenteyo Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 i missed all the fun yesterday...... I get why people find it a bit scary but TBH I think the risks are exactly the same as IRL. People are still people whether they are online or not, they're real human beings behind those computers. You'll always have the charming, smooth talking guy or girl with the not so pure intentions. that is the point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Thank you for the clarification. I understand what you meant more clearly now. I am sorry for the original version of my comment. After I posted it, I realized that it sounded accusatory and tried to change it before anybody saw it because that was not my intention at all. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to communicate. Please forgive me if I caused any harm with the way I wrote my first post. I will try to be more mindful the next time I try to compose a post on a topic that is important to me. ok no problem for me I can understand that sometimes, sensitive things can make you react strongly I have edit my post and modified the quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 A friend of mine asserts that internet dating breaks down social barriers, that you can meet someone regardless of their profession or wealth. Funny thing is, she only ever wants to go out with people who earn at least 40 grand a year, and will rifle through someones dirty laundry online until she can assure herself of his “status”. I guess Mika has lost another friend last week And not because of a song this time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siu Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I guess Mika has lost another friend last week And not because of a song this time.. I bet MIKA has no problems earning many times more than 40 grand a year. For him this is booze money to spend in the bar The question is whether HE would want to go out with HER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
francoise Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I bet MIKA has no problems earning many times more than 40 grand a year. For him this is booze money to spend in the bar The question is whether HE would want to go out with HER I'm not sure she is anyway still want to be his friend after the venal picture he gives from her publicly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siu Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm not sure she is anyway still want to be his friend after the venal picture he gives from her publicly If she exists at all in RL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sienna Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I've used it a few times in mine, and not been picked up on it til now:roftl: You did a good thing there, Rose. I've learnt from the big guys that a language always has to welcome new creations to progress! My pleasure I have been on the edge of my seat for this since the Italian went up last week. I was so excited to finally get to see it. Totally worth the wait I like the way he contrasted expectations with experience and gave examples that spark thoughtful discussion and debate. He left it up to the readers to make up their own minds about how these issues affect them. It's a good piece of writing, though a bit hasty. What does that mean in this context? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RAK1 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Like Droopsy I'm not going to bother with a messy multi quote but I am going to quote myself because I picked up on what Leire was talking about even before seeing the original. I don't believe however, that Mika was actually referring to his fans. It simply reminded me of the way a lot of people have expressed over the years that they feel about Mika. I really don't believe Mika thinks about us that much or plants passive aggressive hints aimed at his fans in random Italian magazine columns. He has other things going on in his life and occupying his thoughts, I'm sure. Anyway I think it's normal for people to become captivated by the two-dimensional Mika in interviews and photographs when they first discover him. Anyone who claims they have never been infatuated with the Mika image even though they've been posting on MFC for years, is only fooling themselves and not the rest of us. With only a few exceptions it seems once people are exposed to Mika directly or even through stories from others, they tend to become a little more realistic and give up on the idea that he would make their ideal mate or the best friend they've ever had. I do find it amusing that there seems to be a constant hunt to prove that no fan in the world knows Mika at all. Because the only way you could possibly know whether that is in fact the case is if you knew Mika yourself. About Mika's attraction to looks...I thought he said he was more interested in someone's style than their physical features per se. So he's not saying he is not affected by aesthetics and would date any old slob. About the internet thing. I find the internet is a far better way to suss people out, especially if they are crazy and/or full of sh*t. It's much easier to hide this in a real life situation because people are blinded by physical attraction and charisma. That's how women end up married to wife beaters and seniors end up bilked out of their lifelong savings. On the internet all you are presented with is someone's thoughts. If their thinking is abnormal or inconsistent it becomes apparent very quickly in my experience especially since there is a written record. You just have to assess what's being said with a critical mind and investigate the inconsistencies. I think that people can be deceptive on the internet, and write whatever you want to see. Just as much as they can be in RL. I think in RL you can pick up on it quicker, whereas on the internet if the person is savvy enough, they can spin it out longer before the initial RL meeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CazGirl Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Caz I really appreciate your words well said Clearly and with starting points that I completely agree Thank you Katita! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PurpleCat Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I guess Mika has lost another friend last week And not because of a song this time.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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