Getting bullied

[mellody]

hi, i thought i'd open up a thread for all those of us who got or still get bullied at school (or work), or anyone who wants to say something on this topic. as we all know, it has happened to mika and he said the best way to deal with it is talk about it - so let's do that.

 

for example:

what happened?

how did/do you deal with it?

if it has been in the past, what influence does it have on your life now?

did it change you and in what way?

 

i got bullied at school and although the worst part of it was over 15 years ago, it still influences my life now. for example, i feel totally uncomfortable when i get into a new group of people where i don't know anyone, for example in a new job. that's when i get all shy (although my friends certainly wouldn't say i'm shy) and i have the feeling that i just want to be alone, not having to tell anyone anything about me - which of course isn't good, as what i really want is to be part of the group and make friends with people.

 

plus, i'm extremely sensitive to people talking behind my back. if i find out someone talks badly about me behind my back, i get really angry. it's exactly what i thought back then, when i was bullied: "why don't you just tell me in the face what kind of problem you have with me, instead of talking behind my back, laughing about me, calling me names and doing bad things to me?!". back then, i sometimes even wished they would beat me, so i could defend myself instead of feeling just helpless.

 

oh, and i know exactly what mika means when he says the teachers weren't on his side either. some didn't like me either, and most of them just didn't care.

 

the good thing is, it all gets better with the years. i have a lot more self-confidence now and i'm a lot more stable than i was 10 years ago.

[BexxY]

yes i got bullied at secondary school for being different, for not going along with the crazes and conforming.

 

i felt isolated so never ate in the canteen..infact some days i never ate at all it wasnt a nice place to be in and the teachers never did anything to stop the bullying.

 

as for how it has shaped me today i think it has made me a better person a more caring person anyway but i do get paranoid about what people think of me, i worry alot and i am extremely sensitive an get emotional alot.

 

kids can just be mean

[Sasje]

Getting bullied?? Oh yes, I can talk about that!!

 

I was bullied at primary school, at the middelbare school(not sure if that is high school) and now still...

 

I was born with only one eye (not like the cyclope, don't worry..) and the kids at school called me names like "captian one-eye" or something...

 

Well, about that I can laugh about now...

 

But what matters me most is that a lot of people don't take you as you are!!

 

Like Mika did, I used to wear clothes that I'd like to wear, and not if they're popular at that moment... So I know how he must feel back then...

 

And now??? Still being bullied by my mother-in-law... but that's another story..

[cubitus]

I was in a lycée francais just like mika but not in england though...and i was bullied by many idiot boys just because i wasn't too close with the boys group , was the first in my class and had many girls as friends so they started bullying me in front of them...they used to say horrible homophobic words even if i wasn't gay. One day i was bitten by 3 boys but nobody tried to do anything to stop it especialy the teachers....but when they grew up they stopped doing these bullies....I think that's why i'm a great fan of mika : first because he's talented and makes great music , second because i see myself in him as i'm a mutt too and have many origins (see the mutt thread )

As for now i think i forgot this horrible time or simply tries to forget...and i just can't stop laughing about what happenend to these boys as they're still at school hehe...

[RAK1]

I too was bullied, just about 30 years ago in secondary school, it was because I was shorter than everyone else (still am), and I had things happen to me from when I was about 13 through to when I left at 15. I had been through a little bullying in primary school, mainly walking to the bus but my mum put a stop to that.

In Secondary school though, I was further away from home in another town and although I had my friends we were not in the same class and some of the girls in my class decided that I was fair game. It wasn't physical, except when they threw my sandwiches around the classroom at lunchtime once, more psycological, whispering about me in front of me and one incident where we had to vote for a class captain for the girls and boys and they voted for me because they thought it was funny and they thought that they could do what they wanted and I wouldn't do anything, and although I tried to push back there was more of them so it was hopeless.

There was another incident involving kids I grew up with and trusted, but I find it too hard to talk about even now.

I do find it hard to make friends, even today, I don't have a big circle of friends and I seem to gravitate to people who also have similar problems to mine. Thats why I like coming here, after hearing Mika talk about his experience. I feel like some one else understands what it's like to be hurt.

[Sou]

I've never really talked to anyone about getting bullied when I was younger; the first time I mentioned it was yesterday on a thread.

 

Part one of the bully saga:

 

Growing up in an Arab country with a western name (no, not Sou) wasn't the easiest thing to experience. I had been called everything from "dusty" to "muddy" for almost twelve years. It was only six years ago, at the age of fifteen, that I had finally embraced my name, because I found out the meaning and appreciated how unique it is (compared to the names in the Arab World). At the moment, I'm the only one with my name at university; how cool is that?! hehe

 

Part two:

 

Between the ages of six and fourteen I was known as 'Medusa' amongst the kids at school because of my curly hair. I'm turning 21 in a couple of months and it was only two months ago that I finally accepted my curly hair. Why? MIKA! I had been very self conscious of my curly hair and the repeated comments of "Hey! Look, it's Medusa! Watch out, don't look into her eyes, you might turn into stone!!" really, really hurt, so I straightened it all the time. Now? It's alllll different, I am proud of my curly locks, as frizzy or as flat as they may be on certain days, I walk around flaunting them; I haven't straightened them for two months!!

 

Part three:

 

I was taught to speak English before Egyptian...need I say more?! It was a living nightmare whenever I'd visit my family in Egypt, a living nightmare and it still is, I get ridiculed for "sounding like a tourist" in my own country. Just the other day a friend of mine said to me, "You're Egyptian, you should speak EGYPTIAN, not ENGLISH." I express myself better in English, I was taught English first, I went to a school taught by British teachers and I speak English at home with my family. It pains me when people, who are "close" to me condemn me for expressing myself in a language that I was brought up to use, not the one I am "expected" to express myself in.

 

Part four:

 

I'm a "vivacious" person, and I always express myself the way I WANT TO. The things people say (till now!) behind my back are hurtful, but I've learned to cope, because I realised that I act the way they want to; I broke away from the conformity, and they're afraid to. It hurt though growing up when they said, "that girl over there is crazy, stay away from her!" Not forgetting the occassional shove or push. I never changed for anyone though, I stood strong. I am who I am because I didn't give in or breakdown.

 

I won't even start on the girl who lost against me at an art competition......... I don't think I've ever had a more traumatizing day in my life.

 

Wow...I've vented quite a bit. It's just like I said before, I've never really spoken to anyone about this before and it felt good finally writing and expressing my thoughts on the issue. Thank you Mellody for starting the thread.

[Eir]

hi, i thought i'd open up a thread for all those of us who got or still get bullied at school (or work), or anyone who wants to say something on this topic. as we all know, it has happened to mika and he said the best way to deal with it is talk about it - so let's do that.

 

for example:

what happened?

how did/do you deal with it?

if it has been in the past, what influence does it have on your life now?

did it change you and in what way?

 

i got bullied at school and although the worst part of it was over 15 years ago, it still influences my life now. for example, i feel totally uncomfortable when i get into a new group of people where i don't know anyone, for example in a new job. that's when i get all shy (although my friends certainly wouldn't say i'm shy) and i have the feeling that i just want to be alone, not having to tell anyone anything about me - which of course isn't good, as what i really want is to be part of the group and make friends with people.

 

plus, i'm extremely sensitive to people talking behind my back. if i find out someone talks badly about me behind my back, i get really angry. it's exactly what i thought back then, when i was bullied: "why don't you just tell me in the face what kind of problem you have with me, instead of talking behind my back, laughing about me, calling me names and doing bad things to me?!". back then, i sometimes even wished they would beat me, so i could defend myself instead of feeling just helpless.

oh, and i know exactly what mika means when he says the teachers weren't on his side either. some didn't like me either, and most of them just didn't care.

 

the good thing is, it all gets better with the years. i have a lot more self-confidence now and i'm a lot more stable than i was 10 years ago.

 

OMG...

 

How much can I undestand you Mellody!

 

I still have some problems, especially when I'm among peole I don't know...I feel so out of place!

 

I was a bit depressed 5years ago...now I really feel better, but I'm more fragile...and only a little deception get me hardly down...

 

as I went at the gig in Milan and waited outside for Mika for an hour, then I was forcet to left and he cam out after 20mins!!! Me stupid...It's from that night that I still can't smile as always ...but I will overcome this moment too...I'm lucky anyway, but my brain doesn't work so well sometimes

 

To sum up: I really can understand Mika's problems, I love him for this too!

[Sity]

Yes..

It started the last years in the primary school and ended 'til we went to different high schools.

The kids absolutely couldn't take the fact someone may be a bit different.

 

I luckily found a friend.

The rest of the class avoided us and started to bully us.

(call us names and always dissing and making fun of us, talkin bad behind our backs, spreadin nonsense rumors..) whatever they invented.

They were really terrible and this was every freakin day!

It didn't stop. Only became worse. The teachers didn't see anything.

 

 

[Sou]

I'd like to reach out and give everyone here a HUGEEEE virtual hug! We're stronger today because of the experiences we went through, the experiences that shaped who we are and made our skin tougher and thicker. Maybe, somehow, those bullies helped us realise how strong we really are and how far above them we are.

[CazGirl]

I was bullied, along with my best friend throughout the schooling years. Primary, Junior, Senior...

 

We don't know why.

Sure, we are boy and girl, and you don't get many male and female best friends, but I don't see why that's anything to be bullied about. It was mainly verbal...sometimes it was physical. We never started anything off - we didn't provoke them, we didn't make fun of them or anything. They would taunt us and tease us by saying stuff like "sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" and "are you two going out??" etcetc. No matter how many times we said "no" or just didn't answer it just kept pursuing.

 

The system has no idea how to handle bullying. We told teachers, we told friends (of what we had), we told family, nothing. Nothing ever gets done.

 

I remember once when things got physical in junior school. My best mate was screaming at me "CAROLINE GET A TEACHER, ANYONE" so I did. I ran to find a dinner lady. I told her about it, and by the time we got there the fight had dispersed. The dinner lady clearly thought I wasted her time so she walked off. I found my mate crying by the door so I checked to see if he was okay, when the group came round again. I was so infuriated - I stood up, told them exactly what I thought of them, how they would like it if it happened to them, told them to leave us alone...and that's a big thing to do when you're eight years old.

 

Yes, eight. At eight I suppose the pair of us kinda taught ourselves to look after ourselves. Getting help wastes time so you might as well just battle it out on your own. It teaches you to be stronger, to be independent.

 

Skip a couple of years and we're now at senior school. Same crap. In the second year my mate had to go home for lunch because the bullying got so bad. Towards the second year before leaving he got home schooled. After that year they moved two hours away, to get away from all the crap that has happened on this island.

 

During the senior years we really matured. Getting bullied gave us an entirely different look on the world than it would have done to anyone else. We grew up way too fast in those years, and now we're out of it, it's like we're going back in time personality wise -- have you SEEN our love today video?? It's pure geekiness, pure hyperactivity, pure fun. We're finally getting back the immaturity we missed out on - and boy are we LOVING EVERY SECOND

[EnFa]

I havent really been bullied, but I've been teased.. Because I'm a tomboy.

I had short hair when I was younger, I was wearing t-shirts (which I'm kinda going back to now) and I refused to wear skirts etc.. When we started to grow girlie parts, a lot of the girls thought that you had to show 'em off to everyone (even tho how young we were) so I was also teased with that... And it's not normal that 10-11 year old girls are wearing make-up, that's ridiculous.

I've been a lot alone because of those simple things. It was only when I was at my sport, I felt really happy and welcome. Those people didn't care about how I looked or if I was a little boyish.. Nah..

Then the later years, I've really gotten some good friends, but I can't wait to move to a new school this summer. It's only me and one of my best friends who's going to that school, so it's nice..

I've never been afraid to say what I mean and so on..

[Eir]

have you SEEN our love today video?? It's pure geekiness, pure hyperactivity, pure fun. We're finally getting back the immaturity we missed out on - and boy are we LOVING EVERY SECOND

 

Where can we find it? I really would like to see it...

[Sity]

I'd like to reach out and give everyone here a HUGEEEE virtual hug! We're stronger today because of the experiences we went through, the experiences that shaped who we are and made our skin tougher and thicker. Maybe, somehow, those bullies helped us realise how strong we really are and how far above them we are.

 

Yeah, actually I wouldn't change the past if I could...

Tought me a lot of things.

 

And EnFa, kinda the same thing with me...

The girls couldn't get it someone 10-11 years old wants to be a kid...

[tantastic]

I've been bullied so much that I don't even bother to discuss it here.. heh -.-

[CazGirl]

Where can we find it? I really would like to see it...

 

go to youtube.com, type in "Mika Love Today Fan Video" and it's the second video on the page

[Zahara]

I used to be bullied.. When I was younger people called me a gnome because I was always wearing these dungarees (?) and I was very short.. But since the end of elementary school I haven't been bullied..

Since high school some people 'tease' me with the fact my mum is gay. But I don't really care. I'm proud of her and I don't give a **** what other people think of it!

[Eir]

Oh Caroline, that's so cute!!!

 

I laughed all the time...You and your friend now seem happ, I hope it is so

 

 

ps. I envy so much your hair color

[jodi_ice]

yes i was, all the way from 11 until 18, and truthfully from 18-24 too by old friends who should have known better.

 

It is too painful to talk about, even though i've been to counselling, but yeah...

[CazGirl]

Oh Caroline, that's so cute!!!

 

I laughed all the time...You and your friend now seem happ, I hope it is so

 

 

ps. I envy so much your hair color

 

lol glad you like it! oh thats another thing. i was teased at school because of my hair colour. Being ginger is a bad thing apparenltly!

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

For me 10-16 ish , basically school years , awful awful

[Wendi]

I was bullied in primary and secondary schools - also other stuff that is not for public forums!! I have been left with little self-esteem, and even now get bullied by people locally - folk who point at me and laugh, cross the road rather than pass me on the pavement, talk behind my back etc. Sometimes it gets almost too much to bear - and then I look at my lovely family and have to grin and bear it. I go on outings with the Pipe Band - and there are a few of the mums there too, who wont speak to me, give me withering looks, and generally behave like hormonal teenage girls!!! It is very upsetting, and if my energy is at a low point then I just have to sit on the bus on my own, and watch all the others having fun. I feel invisible one minute, and large and clumsy the next. I dont cope with crowds well, and meeting new people causes me great anxiety. I have had counselling - it helped some, but the damage has gone very deep. I have made a conscious effort to build my childrens self-esteem up as much as I can, and always to listen when they have a problem - no matter how small it seems to me - if they want to talk about it, then its obviously important to them!!

Sorry - I have waffled on enough!!

[nicole]

:rocket: Come on bullies!

 

 

I was called anorexic somewhere in the middle of basic school just because i was skinnier.... then it went back to normal again.... cos they stopped.

Now Awful class.... meanies...

But they are too meaningless to make me sad:bleh:

 

Muahhahaha.... I don't care:mf_rosetinted:

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

I was bullied in primary and secondary schools - also other stuff that is not for public forums!! I have been left with little self-esteem, and even now get bullied by people locally - folk who point at me and laugh, cross the road rather than pass me on the pavement, talk behind my back etc. Sometimes it gets almost too much to bear - and then I look at my lovely family and have to grin and bear it. I go on outings with the Pipe Band - and there are a few of the mums there too, who wont speak to me, give me withering looks, and generally behave like hormonal teenage girls!!! It is very upsetting, and if my energy is at a low point then I just have to sit on the bus on my own, and watch all the others having fun. I feel invisible one minute, and large and clumsy the next. I dont cope with crowds well, and meeting new people causes me great anxiety. I have had counselling - it helped some, but the damage has gone very deep. I have made a conscious effort to build my childrens self-esteem up as much as I can, and always to listen when they have a problem - no matter how small it seems to me - if they want to talk about it, then its obviously important to them!!

Sorry - I have waffled on enough!!

 

<massive hug wendo , loves ya lots xxxx>

[Wendi]

<massive hug wendo , loves ya lots xxxx>

 

Thanks Fred *big hugs back* xx

[looby1173]

I used to work for the local police force in a civilian role and 2 years ago I was the manager of a department and I was subjected to awful bullying by two of my staff one who was 37 and one who was 52 becuase I was a quiet person who kept to myself, also I was having real trouble with my husband (now ex thank god) and my son's medical problems at the time and my gran had just died and I was feeling very fragile all the time and they thought I was an easy target. They found it funny to talk about my behind my back and to whisper about me when I was in the room, some days they just ignored me which I prefered to be honest. They used to sit and email each other all day about me and I have seen the evidence of it so I know it went on. They used to ridicule the way I used to work and they used to ignore the rotas that I had set in place etc and go and complain to other people about what work they were supposed to be doing - in the course of one day one of them sent over 300 emails during a 7 hour shift! I was not believed when I reported it to my superiors even though 2 other people had been bullied by them and had left their jobs because of it! They made me feel so small and I still struggle now with people I don't know very well as I always feel that perhaps they are talking about me - my self esteem is slowly coming back but its a very slow process.

 

Now as well my 7 year old son is being bullied by a couple of boys in his class at school becuase he is different he has aspergers syndrome and ADHD they follow him round the playground taunting him (I see it as I work at the school as a playground supervisor), they hit him, they have even tried to flush his head down the toilet when there was a poo (sorry) floating in it!! He has been really ill over this and I have kept him off school a couple of days until the teachers have sorted it - trouble is it gets sorted and then the whole thing starts up again a couple of weeks later. My son has been learning Muay Thai Boxing for a couple of months now to build his confidence and teach him some discipline and 3 weeks ago they had been taunting him so much he snapped and turned round and gave one of them an almighty push kick to get them away from him - I can't condone his use of violence but I am real proud of him for standing up for himself!

 

A message to everyone who has ever been bullied for any reason whatsoever: You are a fantastic person who has many wonderful qualities that are admired by many people, even by those who may not tell you so, the bullies themselves have many faults and are not beautiful people they are ugly cowards and they are picking on you cause they are jealous of all the good things you are or have. The bullies are the ones that have a problem not you and you should always remember that no matter how low you are feeling and just remember when you are being bullied that there are thousands of us on MFC who love you loads for who you are regardless of your race, religion, family background, sexual orientation, medical problems etc..

 

Big hugs and kisses for everyone xxxxxxxxx