2012 - Mika Tells Instinct, “Yeah, I’m gay.”

[suzie]

I have no idea how that can be seen as "supporting homophobic views and attitudes" I'm very surprised.

 

I have explained it already, but let me do it once more and then I'll just leave it.

You said you were straight (not even fancying women) but could imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman at a later point in time. So you imply that it would be your lifestyle choice as biologically you are hetero. Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice and therefore something unnatural and to be fought against is a typical view of homophobes.

That's all I meant. I am sure you were not thinking too much into what you wrote, so I am not blaming you or anything but your claims sound totally contradictory and I wanted to explain why I thought so.

Edited August 12, 2012 by suzie

[NowTheDreamsWontDo]

I have explained it already, but let me do it one more. You said you were straight but could imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman, So you imply that it would be your lifestyle choice as biologically you are hetero. Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice and therefore something unnatural and to be fought against is a typical view of homophobes.

That's all I meant. I am sure you were not thinking too much into what you wrote, so I am not blaming you or anything but your claims sound totally contradictory and I wanted to explain why I thought so.

 

I know it's a serious conversation, but seeing you two misunderstanding each other constantly is actually pretty funny anyhow, there is a difference between being bisexual and realizing there will always be a chance than you could one day be attracted to a person of the same sex. You know, like: a girl is born with the fate of falling in love exactly 100 times, 99 times with a guy, once with a girl. I suppose the label she chooses just depends on when she falls in love with the girl. True, technically the girl will be always be bisexual, but she can't know she is so until she does fall in love with the girl. Until that time, she has two options: labelling herself as straight (full stop) OR labeling herself straight wile realizing she can't know what the future has in store for her, thus accepting its fluidity beforehand. (yeah ok third option: labeling herself as a lesbian, then bi, perhaps later on straight BUT NOT MY POINT LOL)

 

I think both options are valid, but if you don't make the distinction it could come across as terribly homophobic.And I hope it makes sense :S

[smokesignal]

I have explained it already, but let me do it once more and then I'll just leave it.

You said you were straight (not even fancying women) but could imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman at a later point in time. So you imply that it would be your lifestyle choice as biologically you are hetero. Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice and therefore something unnatural and to be fought against is a typical view of homophobes.

That's all I meant. I am sure you were not thinking too much into what you wrote, so I am not blaming you or anything but your claims sound totally contradictory and I wanted to explain why I thought so.

 

I think it is important to remember here that most of us here are not native speakers and it is very difficult to write down our own opinion with all the nuances, but also to understand other people's opinion. I think I have a feeling of what tiibet means, but of course I cannot be sure, so let me try to write it down from my own perspective.

 

I cannot imagine myself falling in love with a woman, but I don't find it inconceivable either. Does that make sense? What I mean is that I cannot imagine what it feels like to fall in love with a woman, since I never even have been attracted to one, but I would never rule out the theoretical possibility. That has nothing to do with falling in love being a lifestyle choice or not. It's just that I grow as a person and learn more about myself as I get older, so who knows. Until a few years ago, I had only been attracted to men with dark hair, and then I fell in love with someone who's blond. I admit that gender might be a bit more fundamental than that, but in principle it's the same thing for me.

[suzie]

@NowTheDreamsWontDo To answer you shortly, I don't believe everyone is born bisexual.

@smokesignal I understand what you mean but I cannot relate to it at all.

So, therefore, I just leave it, like I said.

Edited August 12, 2012 by suzie

[astor]

I know it's a serious conversation, but seeing you two misunderstanding each other constantly is actually pretty funny anyhow, there is a difference between being bisexual and realizing there will always be a chance than you could one day be attracted to a person of the same sex. You know, like: a girl is born with the fate of falling in love exactly 100 times, 99 times with a guy, once with a girl. I suppose the label she chooses just depends on when she falls in love with the girl. True, technically the girl will be always be bisexual, but she can't know she is so until she does fall in love with the girl. Until that time, she has two options: labelling herself as straight (full stop) OR labeling herself straight wile realizing she can't know what the future has in store for her, thus accepting its fluidity beforehand. (yeah ok third option: labeling herself as a lesbian, then bi, perhaps later on straight BUT NOT MY POINT LOL)

 

I think both options are valid, but if you don't make the distinction it could come across as terribly homophobic.And I hope it makes sense :S

I like the way you put that.

[NowTheDreamsWontDo]

@NowTheDreamsWontDo To answer you shortly, I don't believe everyone is born bisexual.

@smokesignal I understand what you mean but I cannot relate to it at all.

So, therefore, I just leave it, like I said.

 

Me neither, this was just one one example.

[sienna]

I am looking for European citizenship so if you ever need a wife just let me know.

 

 

Absolutely...I'll let you know!

 

I'd prefer other surprises in a long life:roftl:

 

Aha, okay! But a surprise is a surprise and you can never chose them, then it wouldn't be a surprise!

 

Of course it doesn't mean that. I said my husband is tolerant. He can definitely NOT imagine himself being attracted to men and women alike. I said he is tolerant because he wouldn't surely mind how I describe myself. I can define how I feel, it looks I just call it with a different word than you/maybe someone else would do. I'm allowed do it, because it's a personal thing and that was my original point It doesn't matter what dictionary says, in real life we all define these terms in our own way.

 

(Lol, I was quoting Mika when I wrote "call me whatever you want" because I thought it was funny, but out of context the joking tone disappears.)

 

I got that and I thought it was really clever!

 

This thread needs more jokes. It's a happy event that Mika finally feels comfortable enough to talk about his sexuality imo!

[A. Clay]

'Growing Up With Gay Godparents'

http://www.washingtonblade.com/2012/08/06/growing-up-with-gay-godparents/

[krysady]

'Growing Up With Gay Godparents'

http://www.washingtonblade.com/2012/08/06/growing-up-with-gay-godparents/

 

Thanks,Alice! This is so true and sad:

 

"Even today, despite the great progress our society has made for gay rights since the 20th century, intolerance exists en masse. My godparents cannot wear their wedding rings on their left hands, they cannot keep photos of their wedding, their vacations or their families on their desks at work; they cannot talk about their personal lives in the workplace or secure spousal insurance through their jobs; they cannot hold hands in public — all simple acts that the straight community takes for granted."

[Poisonyoulove]

He doesn't call up the media for a chat because he's feeling lonely.

 

Interviews would be so much more interesting if people did that!

 

 

 

 

And to reinforce a bit what C. said above, here's a little excerpt of Montreal's interview:

 

 

Q: Is it why it was important for you to reveal your homosexuality this week in the American magazine Instinct?

 

A: In the songs from my new album, I talk about my life, whereas before I used to talk more about the life of people around me. It was the right moment to reveal my homosexuality, because at 28 years old I thought: I talk about my life in a way very few male pop singers will do it. I do it with a lot of joy and it was the right moment. My songs are not necessarily about my sexual orientation, but still about my personal life. I like pop music because it's universal. We didn't necessarily need to know I'm homosexual to understand my music. Above all it shows some comfort and confidence. I created all that is my career on my own. I don't hide anything. I arrived at a moment in my life when I'm confident and at ease in every way in my life. It gives me a completely invicible feeling of power and joy. It was important for me to do it in a good way and to choose to do it when I wanted to.

 

The part I bolded is amazing, and I'm so happy for him. And also envious.

[tiibet]

I have explained it already, but let me do it one more. You said you were straight but could imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman, So you imply that it would be your lifestyle choice as biologically you are hetero. Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice and therefore something unnatural and to be fought against is a typical view of homophobes.

That's all I meant. I am sure you were not thinking too much into what you wrote, so I am not blaming you or anything but your claims sound totally contradictory and I wanted to explain why I thought so.

 

I can't understand why you want to make my words sound contradictory or something "I was not thinking too much". I was thinking quite a lot. I was trying to explain how this issue is not always something really clear or black and white. How we can define our identity in several ways and how (in the end) this is personal and something everyone should be allowed to see in their own way.

 

I'm quoting myself to show you my original point.

 

 

About sexuality. It's something really personal and can be seen in so many different ways. I guess many of us could have a sexual relationship with the same gender if the circumstances or the timing were right and if we could avoid expectations or rules created by our society? I know I could. If we talk about sexual attraction, does it really matter if the other person is male or female? What's the difference? (Don't take it literally, I know the difference, but does it matter?) How do we define straight, homosexual or bisexual in the first place? Is it about feeling physically attracted by the opposite/same gender, about falling in love (in a romantic way) or about our behavior in real life (when restricted also by expectations/traditions). If people meet someone perfect and fall in love - do they let the gender issue come between? I don't know

 

I'm hetero and married to a man. If I wasn't married I could easily imagine being sexually attracted by a woman. On the other hand, I really couldn't see myself falling in love with a woman that easily, I don't even like most women... The most important people in my life have always been men and people I see interesting or fascinating are always male: my favorite authors, artists, actors, film directors, politicians... I simply love it how men are so straightforward and easy-going, I love their way of thinking, their (social) world is just built like that, I almost envy it and wish I could be a part of it. For women everything is different and I really don't think it's all biological, our society makes people behave in certain ways. In an ideal world (for me) people would be totally androgyne and able show their both sides. I even love the androgyne look and find it really attractive.

 

I was questioning how we define these words. Is it A) about what we find physically attractive B) about falling in love C) about our choices in real life. I was curious how people see these definitions and I told mine: A) yes, I could very well imagine being physically attracted to a woman but B) no, I really can't easily see myself falling in love with a woman because I don't even like many women and finally (the most important to me) C) I'm happily married to my husband, been for many years and wouldn't change it for anything. Based to that I definitely see myself as a heterosexual, even I could imagine being attracted to a woman and yes, in different circumstances even being in a relationship with a woman. And I don't say it in a light way, I genuinely think crossing these boundaries could be possible.

 

It has nothing do with "lifestyle change" but just life happening. I believe these things are not always really clear, that there are people who are open to these things or who don't even see gender as the main issue. Still, for me C) is the most important definition. I'm married and happy about it, I don't fancy anyone else, not a man or a woman.

 

You seem to think the right definition is A) and also that people in a heterosexual relationship could not be attracted to the same sex in any circumstances? You are free to think that way. Christine on the other hand said she would would use the definition C) the same way I did even if had some other tendencies (which she doesn't have). However, I have never suggested this is a lifestyle issue. I'm saying this is not black and white to everyone, there are many shades, and I had a feeling some people actually got my point. And this is the best I can do with my limited ability to express myself, I think we better move on now.

Edited August 12, 2012 by tiibet

[Christine]

I still don't think the Danish thing was actually a coming out. The way it was phrased was just off. "my fans would not be surprised to hear if I was in a relationship with a man" or something like that. To me, that sounded more like the answer to a question like "Are you not discussing your sexuality because you are afraid to loose fans if they hear you're gay".

 

I think the actual question was more along the lines of "Is the person you were in a 5 year relationship with a man (or a woman)?" but I get your point. I thought this might be as much as Mika was ever going to say on the topic and was just hoping he would repeat it enough times that we didn't have to entertain people's hopes that it was just some tabloid paper twisting his words.

 

I am still amazed that he is being so straightforward and clear now because it seems to go against his style of speaking to the press about anything really. What he said to the Montreal press is almost more surprising to me than the "yeah I'm gay" quote because it's not 3 words that could have possibly been taken out of context and it's clear and consistent with how Instinct is billing their article.

 

Interviews would be so much more interesting if people did that!

 

True. I suppose the next best thing are the journalists who will meet with him several times and sort of follow him around to get a real sense of him and are far more likely to get quotes that stray from "the script" that he repeats ad nauseam during press junkets. There have been a couple of journalists in the UK who have done this and I hope we get another similar interview this time around.

[Sephira]

I have explained it already, but let me do it once more and then I'll just leave it.

You said you were straight (not even fancying women) but could imagine yourself in a relationship with a woman at a later point in time. So you imply that it would be your lifestyle choice as biologically you are hetero. Homosexuality being a lifestyle choice and therefore something unnatural and to be fought against is a typical view of homophobes.

That's all I meant. I am sure you were not thinking too much into what you wrote, so I am not blaming you or anything but your claims sound totally contradictory and I wanted to explain why I thought so.

 

I have a friend who always thought he was gay, he was only attract sexually by guys and only had boyfriends. He was in a relationship with an other friend. Two years ago at the age of 26 he fell in love with a girl, he broke the heart of his boyfriend and I was choking because I was always thinking that it's something impossible I don't understand how it was possible, he never had presure from friends or family because he was homosexual, we all accept him like he was. I asked him what it happen and he answered that the only thing he knows is that he loves her more than everyone he loved. I have been indiscreet with him asking him if he was also sexually attracted to her , he answered me "Oh! Yes!". He is with her since 2 years always in love and happy with her.

I can't explain it, I tried to find on forums if something similar happened to other homosexual and I found people who lived the same thing

 

We are complex beings either psychologically or biologically, things are not set in marble as we all think. An hormonal change or a lymphatic disorder can change your libido if you are homosexual or straight. Or is it love which is stronger than everything

[RAK1]

I have a friend who always thought he was gay, he was only attract sexually by guys and only had boyfriends. He was in a relationship with an other friend. Two years ago at the age of 26 he fell in love with a girl, he broke the heart of his boyfriend and I was choking because I was always thinking that it's something impossible I don't understand how it was possible, he never had presure from friends or family because he was homosexual, we all accept him like he was. I asked him what it happen and he answered that the only thing he knows is that he loves her more than everyone he loved. I have been indiscreet with him asking him if he was also sexually attracted to her , he answered me "Oh! Yes!". He is with her since 2 years always in love and happy with her.

I can't explain it, I tried to find on forums if something similar happened to other homosexual and I found people who lived the same thing

 

We are complex beings either psychologically or biologically, things are not set in marble as we all think. An hormonal change or a lymphatic disorder can change your libido if you are homosexual or straight. Or is it love which is stronger than everything

 

 

This reminds me of the story of Kris Birch, which is quite controversial.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17703018

 

It has stirred up a lot of debate, since the documentary was shown on tv a while back.

Edited August 12, 2012 by RAK1

[Sephira]

This reminds me of the story of Kris Birch, which is quite controversial.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17703018

 

It has stirred up a lot of debate, since the documentary was shown on tv a while back.

 

Thanks

 

It is controversial because we know that homosexuality come from an hormonal influence at the embryonic stage and we think that biologicaly things could not change.

I give you the example of genetic, we all part of our genetic diseases such as cancer, but this does not mean that everyone will develop one.

 

My friend had no accident and my only thought is it is love because I really don't understand how it is possible scientifically speaking

[suzie]

@Sephira yes, of course it can happen but only once that guy realised he could fall in love with a woman did he consider himself to be bi and not before. In other words, you don't expect it to happen before it does because it is highly unlikely one's orientation changes. It is likely to have been there all along, probably repressed.

Edit sorry, got interrupted. I meant to reply to an earlier post of yours in which you say that we'll need to be considerate about people living under 'dictatorship' and having different views, which is true but if no-one makes a stand, things will not change.

Edited August 12, 2012 by suzie

[DerMoment1608]

Tiibet, I like you thoughts very much

 

And I just wanted to add the Kinsey-Scale because I had it in mind all the time while reading the discussion

 

[A. Clay]

Tiibet, I like you thoughts very much

 

And I just wanted to add the Kinsey-Scale because I had it in mind all the time while reading the discussion

 

That would have been a good initial post.

[tiibet]

Tiibet, I like you thoughts very much

 

And I just wanted to add the Kinsey-Scale because I had it in mind all the time while reading the discussion

 

 

Thank you

[NowTheDreamsWontDo]

Tiibet, I like you thoughts very much

 

And I just wanted to add the Kinsey-Scale because I had it in mind all the time while reading the discussion

 

 

Haha same here but but but... Only 7 categories? LOL

[Sephira]

@Sephira yes, of course it can happen but only once that guy realised he could fall in love with a woman did he consider himself to be bi and not before. In other words, you don't expect it to happen before it does because it is highly unlikely one's orientation changes. It is likely to have been there all along, probably repressed.

Edit sorry, got interrupted. I meant to reply to an earlier post of yours in which you say that we'll need to be considerate about people living under 'dictatorship' and having different views, which is true but if no-one makes a stand, things will not change.

 

He never fell in love with a girl and wasn't sexually attract by women before falling in love with this girl, he always said to me that he is gay and I know him since I'm 17. He was happy with my other friend for a long time. After falling in love with this girl I asked him questions to understand, he answered me sincerely that he didn't know how it was possible because he never fantasies on a girl, never feels attraction for the opposite sex except intellectually.

I read on forums that similar cases a guy who have 56, to others who are in their 30's and 20's.

 

Transexuality is a question of identity because you born as a female but with male genes but homosexuality is a sexual orientation, there's a part of biology (hormones particulary) but love is more than a simple fact of science.

You're not deeply in love with someone because your hormones acts. How can we explain that some people do not feel any sexual attraction for anybody but fall in love with somebody if love could be in part explain with hormones and genetic.

There's a part of a natural factor in homosexuality but sometime something called love could be stronger and something like this could happen to someone straight.

[suzie]

@Sephira can I be honest? You seem to have gay friends and have clearly read a lot into this topic, including historical and biological background (I do appreciate a scientific explanations in anything:thumb_yello:) ...so how come you have always been against Mika coming out? I know you explained it with you not wanting him to lose fanbase and let this fact obscure his work but on a personal level does it feel ok for you now or have you changed your mind about it?

[Vanessa-a.k.a-Echa]

Oh my god ... I'm so so shocked ... I had no idea ... this changes everything ... I can now no longer look at him the same way ... I will never be his wife ... my dreams are ... B.R.O.K.E.N. I need to leave ... I'm inconsolable

 

*makes dramatic exit stage left*

 

 

Me too!! That is so true and i feel pathetic about myself :'( although i know i have to be supportive and be happy for him....it's just hard for mr to accept that

I think it'll take me quite a long time to digest it :'(

[Vanessa-a.k.a-Echa]

If anyone stops being a fan of a musician because of who the musician loves, then they weren't much of a fan anyway. MIKA will never lose me as a fan. I love his voice, his music and his showmanship. His music makes me happy. His music makes me dance. There isn't enough of that in the world anymore. And that is why I am proud to be a MIKA fan!

 

Yeah i guess u're rite. I think i'm just too obsessed with him that i cant accept the fact yet. I just feel that i cannot look at him with the same way as before, although i had suspicious that he's gay since the first time i saw him and his clothes and videos....:'(

[Shine]

Shine you say "of course they don't" and then you go on to say that they could. Which is it? Are adults convincing teens (subconsciously or otherwise) that they are gay...or not?

 

In any case I still don't understand what any of this has to do with sexual orientation. Of course adults have the potential to manipulate and abuse teens. Men are doing it to girls all the time which is why it is illegal for adults to have sex with minors

 

If teens are "stuck in the middle" and go on to get married then what makes you think that getting involved in a homosexual relationship was turning them gay or straight? Maybe they are bisexual?

 

Adults in society are pressuring teens to be straight all the time and it really doesn't work in the long run or we wouldn't even be discussing homosexuality because it wouldn't exist.

 

This was just affirmative answer to your question from the preview post about convincing straight teens into gay persons. So I said that they can't do it.

I have clearly stressed that this kind of influence by openly adult gay persons to teens could have affect only those young people who are not certain about their complete identity (not only sexual orientation), because the late one is not the only thing that define human identity.

Anyway, I've thought that it would be better not to use a label bisexual because I have serious doubts about the term, even though it's possible.